After a year in office, Donald Trump finally realized that he had been holding his trade war map upside down. It wasn't Mexico that he was mad at, after all this time he discovered it's Canada. Yes blame Canada, with their health care and maple syrup, they are the cause of all things bad in the US. This morning after his daily gluing of a raccoon to his head, he declared war on Canada!
Immediately we went into action, we asked Celine Dion and Justin Beiber to begin releasing horrible ear worms that will be played over and over in malls everywhere. We shut off the maple syrup pipe lines. We are recalling all of our hockey players, good luck with your boring NHL after that happens. All Canadian comics are also recalled, now for comedy you can tell knock knock jokes.
Finally I am preparing for war, I have pulled out old Mabel, she was last used in the war of 1812 and she stopped you darn Americans before and she will do it again. This time instead of cannon balls, we are using giant spit balls made out of leaflets telling Americans to stop watching Fox News!