Once upon a time, long long ago, when I was fourteen or fifteen, I remember talking with some of my buddies at school. The conversation was about gay men and homosexuality, like it often was, almost every day, sometimes four or five times a day. My friends were discussing how much they hated gay people, how they would like to beat or kill gay people if they could get away with it and how disgusting gay people were in general. I remember one of my friends, a friend since we were eight years old, saying that he could become friends with a murderer but he could never become friends with someone who is gay.
Later that night, lying in bed I was really hurt by that statement. In his eyes, my buddy's eyes, I was such filth to him that in society, I was below a killer. I kept saying to myself, "if you only knew, if you only really knew me, you would see it's still just me, I'm not bad, I'm just Steve". I didn't cry, I was good by then to hide emotions like all the teen boys did. My friend was more open minded about things than the other guys, that's why I felt if only there was some way to sit him down and explain homosexuality, that he would eventually get it.
The following year my friend transferred to another high school and we pretty much went our separate ways. I did have a lunch date with him ten years ago to catch up on what he was up to. He was in a lot of ways the same guy, it had been years since I last saw him but he was easy to talk to. He talked about how backward we were and how ignorant we were of the world. True but also I think we inherited that country politeness. He apologized for any stupid things he may have said, as did I. Our area was very white, we knew and laughed at a lot of not politically correct jokes; however we finally grew up and moved out into the world. I blogged about this meeting when it happened. Then he did something and I feel I know why. Just as I was about to leave, he kept saying, "I've really changed, I am really opened minded, you can say anything to me Steve, anything at all, I'm nothing like I was before". I am pretty sure he suddenly realized that I am gay and was trying to give me an opportunity to tell him. At the time however I was just starting to come out, I don't think I met Dan yet and most friends didn't know. What if I was wrong, I wasn't sure if he was gay positive, what if he acted shocked or laughed at me.
This past week I decided to check up on him again. He has a business that includes high-end photography. He told me that his bread and butter is weddings. His pictures are gorgeous, they have an artistic flair to them. He tells them up front that he needs creative licence, he doesn't just get them to stand in front of the church and say cheese. His work really shows well, some sets are breathtaking. Many of the clients let him use their weddings as samples online, he wrote some beautiful paragraphs to go along with the photos. I was going through some of the pictures on line and suddenly there it was, he had photographed a gay wedding. It was beautiful, the pictures were great, the couple were very photogenic and the posts he wrote were glowing. He was saying that it was the most fun he ever had because of the sense of humor from the couple. It was so beautiful I was tempted to try and link up, but no, for personal reasons I decided not to.
This time I cried, just a little, they were happy sniffles because I know now he has a positive view of gay people. He finally knows, he finally sees what I had hoped he one day would. I can finally tell him who I fully am, still just Steve but a little gay too. I want a gay wedding! I want a wedding like those guys, I wouldn't mind if my husband looked like either one of those cute men! The pleasant feeling that really overwhelms me, is the thought that if I do ever get married, not only will I have a soul mate, I can have my childhood friend there cheering me on. Something that I never dreamed could be possible one day.
Sunday, February 25, 2018
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Thanks for sharing this story. I sometimes take for granted my coming out with no issues. I was already out in high school and was accepted by family and friends and the school in general. I grew up in a area that was progressive, at least with gays things. So when I hear of stories like this, it shocks my system. To me gay has always been normal, since very young.
Pow! Wow! What a wonderful and powerful entry. You almost made me cry (again!). And how splendid for your friend, and for you to see growth in him, and in you. Sometimes it takes a great dare to grow, change, and admit you were wrong about what you were taught by your parents, school, church. Your blog is a testament to your growth. We are lucky to witness it as your friend will too when you tell him about yourself one day (when you're ready). My wish is that you find the one who will love and cherish you the way you hope and want to be loved. Nothing will change you more than sharing a life and home with someone who treasures you every day you're together. Carry on, my friend.
You can't help the situation you are born into but you can change what is instilled in your mind as a child. This was a beautiful post. I hope you find a great guy to share you life with.
That first part made me so sad. The Victorians were right. Children are little savages.
Does your friend know yet? You should come out to him, and invite him to photograph your wedding once you have the details of it ironed out.
(Also, I hope I have not been too boorish in recent comments.)
I hope I am invited to the wedding.
You've written another great post. Have you ever thought that maybe he is gay? Or does he have a wife and kids, etc.? I hope you do find that special guy!
Maddie, I want people to remember what many gay people lived through, I never sugar coat it, and yet I didn't have it half as bad as others. For me, when very young, gay was viewed on the same level as rapists and molesters, many thought we were sexual freaks, to be hunted and exposed. My whole being was devoted to hiding my sexuality, it never even occurred to me to try and have a relationship with someone.
Walter, this makes me wonder what you said, lol.
Walter, wimp... kidding [[hug]]. Thanks for the kind words again. Yes I want to tell him, I know he usually goes on vacation this time of year so I will wait for his return. To bad I wasn't already getting married, how funny would it be to get him for the wedding and introduce him to my husband to be!
rjjs, thank you, yes people change, even most of the guys from my high school days, are completely accepting regarding many things. I hope I find someone but you and I will always have Paris!
Mr Lurker, boorish no, bratty yes! I have grown accustomed to your sense of humour and would greatly miss it.
My friend doesn't know yet but I want another catch up date, when I will tell him. My wedding is all planned out, there is just one small thing missing, the last guy managed to untie the rope and got away.
Dr Spo, depends on the gift you are giving us! Actually I want you as our flower girl, cute little dress with white shoes and all.
Michael54, no I always knew he is straight, he has a wife as well.
Oh wow, did I ever just have a sense of deja vu after just typing your reply Michael.
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