Monday, October 6, 2008

Who We Love

Last Saturday a friend of Dave's, invited us over for supper. I really like Mike, he is a decent guy, Dave and I were thrilled to hear that the relationship he started two months ago was going well for him. Mike is shy and a bit old fashioned so does not date much. We both were looking forward to meeting his new boyfriend John. Everything fit, John was a down to earth (cute) guy and they matched, you could tell just by the way they were together. John also just came out last year so we had a lot of notes to compare. The supper was excellent, conversation went well and after we moved to the living room to watch a DVD. Cuddled up with Dave, the usual for me, I looked over to see John cuddled into Mike, with Mike mindlessly rubbing John's shoulders and back in a very loving way. I thought to myself, this is where I want to be, in a setting with gay friends, enjoying the evening and being with my boyfriend. I had that feeling of belonging, of being part of something, it was so satisfying.

Most of my friends are straight, they are very open and accepting towards me, however sometimes I just need to be around other gay people who understand where I am coming from 100%. My sexuality will not choose my friends for me but I feel a 'need' to also have some gay friends. It is just a matter of me knowing they 'get' the whole gay relationship issue. Dave and I find it hard to meet other couples that we can share time with, just an evening out, at a concert, dinner or even hiking. Most gay people we run into are either single or do not have the same interests, we are also cautious of the couples that want a bit of "extra" with becoming their friend.

We had a good discussion about what it means for each of us to be gay, our journey out, on meeting other gay people and overall acceptance. Talking about how hard things were for gay people when we were kids, about countries who to this day, kill or torture people just because they are gay, Mike wondered out loud a thought I often have, what does it matter who we love? Why such a big deal? We laughed, all four of us at the thought that any of us were a wild leather and chains sex addict like some would have the world believe we all are. Mike said "John and I go about our day doing everything that other couples do, the only difference being we both have the same parts"! That is true for Dave and myself, we make lunch, clean house, watch TV and joke around, nothing too out of the ordinary there!

Mike and John have a big age difference, almost twenty years and some people may have a problem with that. Again I say, what does it matter who we love. They fit, they both have tried to date others in the past never finding that connection. If they click and complete each other, why would it concern anyone else, it is not their business. I think people should just be happy and whoever works in a relationship with you, makes me happy for you. Sometimes I get asked, "would you date a person of this race, colour, age, religion?" I always think that question is silly, finding a good loving relationship with my soul mate, is not like buying a fall jacket. I can't imagine saying "oh he is perfect for me, smart, funny, cute, thoughtful, now if I could only get him in a different colour." I feel when you click with someone it should not matter, I used to think before I met Dave, "whoever I date, I hope he is a good person and is my best friend as well as boyfriend," I did not think in terms of "he has to be this tall, this shade, this eye colour". I would say however religion might be one factor that would stop me from dating someone, if they insisted that I had to join their religion when I did not believe in it, would cause me to not go down that route.

Sometimes I wonder if that is not part of the problem with the world, so many people with opinions about who we love, maybe too many opinions, too many people are worried about what everyone is doing in their private life, so much so that they neglect their own life, maybe that is why they are so bitter when they see real love in a couple they don't consider to be part of the norm.


Charlie said...

Great post, Steven. Nearly made me all weepy LOL. Seriously, it's good to hear that you're love life is still on the way up x

Greg said...

I had a similar reaction, in fact! So nice to hear about you and Dave hanging out, having a peaceful relaxing evening in the company of good and comfortable friends.

There's something special about finding a guy you want to spend all your time with, that's for sure...and it's NO one else's business to tell us when that's right or wrong!

David said...

"Would you date a yellow, Lutheran, Malay who is in his mid twenties?"

Geez, I didn't think that some of our IM chats would push you that much. :0P

Anonymous said...

This is a great post. I have thought many times lately why do people have to be so interested in our private lives? As I get to see more and know more people who are gay I see or read often about couples who have that age difference. We should be able to love whoever we want. I think because we are more open to things we are able to find love that others never will.

A Troll At Sea said...


I came, I saw, I stole it. Large parts of this post are also over "at Sea." Kudos, my friend.


Bigg said...

As someone in one of those 20 yr age difference couples, I commend you for this attitude - something you don't often see even in our community.

Joe Jubinville said...

"I had that feeling of belonging, of being part of something, it was so satisfying."

Family is as family does. I hooked up with my little gay tribe, and my first big heart throb, in my late teens. It found me, really. I felt I had come home, a kind of home that I knew, somehow, existed, but was so satisfying to experience. It wasn't all gay all the time, a couple of very dear straight friends were in the mix too. But there was a gay core and that was a new, and enduring, connection that in some fundamental ways saved me.