Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Why Blog?

I usually do not do memes, I prefer to write when something is on my mind and I feel memes are not inspired. I find most to be too cliche and so I am just not interested in doing them. Over the last few months, some were sent to me and one of the questions I often see is "why do you blog?" There are many reasons why I started to blog but the main one was to help myself come out. Like some sort of cheap therapy where you people listen to me whine and complain instead of paying a shrink, plus at least you guys respond! I heard in therapy they just nod their head and say "hmmm" or "I see". I would not know however, because I never had to go to therapy, just wanted to be clear on that, nope nothing wrong with me... I think. Getting back to 'why blog' well I felt trapped in my own mind before I started to come out and sometimes I needed to see my thoughts or emotions out in the open. It was a release and also very comforting to have many people tell me that they were going through, or had gone through the same thought processes while coming to terms with being gay. Sometimes saying something out loud, changes how you view it compared to hiding it away.

Another reason was that I had become familiar with the blog community and saw how supportive everyone was to each other. I really had the need to connect with other gay men or people who were gay friendly. I had created isolation for myself and felt very alone, I needed the reassurance that I was not alone. The blog help me find a network of friends who gave me the courage and self worth to begin the coming out process. I began to see myself as just a part of society, regarding society as a whole unit, like different races or religions and not as a second class citizen or defective straight person.

I also wanted to blog because part of my courage came from being a lurker for almost two years. I thought since these blogs helped me, then maybe if I write truthfully about the struggles of coming out, maybe I can help someone else in the same position. I also noticed some of my favourite reads had stopped writing and so I felt I should do my part and pick up the torch so to speak.

Everything comes in a circle however and I feel that this blog's time will soon be up. As I said, the purpose of the blog was to help me work through coming out. I am not fully out but I don't think I will push it much more than this, no gay flag T-shirt or anything like that. I sometimes feel now like the blog is becoming a chore and often forced instead of inspired by a need to write. I think it has met it's purpose and there is not much more that I can add without being repetitive. There will always be new people to tell that I am gay, it is part of life. I don't worry about it the way I once did and so it just becomes dull if I always wondered what every new person will think. Regarding my relationship with Dave, most of the 'firsts' and the new-ness is over, from now on it will be a cycle of me going to see him and him seeing me. It would be a little silly to keep writing that we went to another gay bar, party, BBQ or that to get me out of bed, one morning he tossed the cat onto me (yes the brat actually did that)!

It never was my intention to start letting people into my everyday life, I did not want the blog to evolve into that as I am actually a private person. It started to drift that way but I find it hard and feel it is wrong as Dave did not sign up to have his life exposed. He does not complain but I feel it is a bit of a betrayal to his privacy, one of the reasons I do not post a photo of him. I am not saying this is good bye yet but I feel it may happen soon, because of the support and encouragement I have received from so many of you, I felt an explanation was due.


Birdie said...

Ah, Steven. You are such a wonderful example of growth and maturity. I am grateful for having had the opportunity to come along with you in this journey. Please leave your blog open for the chance encounter that may help someone who has yet to discover it. It remains an important testimony for those who struggle with their sexuality and for those who love them. Be well and happy.


Sooo-this-is-me said...

Thank you Birdie and not just for this comment but all the others you have so kindly left. I probably will still blog from time to time but it will become less often. One thing I will watch for is if you should happen to start a blog, like you keep promising to do one day. ;)

Doug said...

You're a classy guy, Steven, and your blog is a wonderful example to others. Even if you stop blogging, I hope we can stay in touch through other means.


Steve said...

I will miss hearing from you and your thoughts for sure. But your reasons are clear. Have fun in your life, enjoy things just as they are, work to make things even better and be open, out and also proud of yourself.

freespirit said...

Steven, I have never written to you before but I have been a loyal reader. Words could not express how much I will miss your Blogs everyday. Blog is not something I do. Writing is not my specialty though I wish it was.
Thanks for letting us in your heart and life. I wish you well.

To let you know a little bit about me. Living in Ohio, married for 24 years, have two grown girls and a dog who is my baby now. I'm in my 40's Ok late 40's. My husband and I have our own web business.

Well just wanted you to know how much you will be missed...


daveincleveland said...

steven your life has evolved so much in a short span of time and am so proud of you how you have come around, your blog has helped me more than you can imagine and your comments always add a touch of sunshine to an otherwise dull day here in cleveland, i will miss your blog, hope you and dave will be happy together for a long long time
hugs from cleveland

TWISI said...

Wow, you are one classy guy, it has been so interesting reading your growth through so many issues... you are a great example for others.

Birdie said...

As one ends, one begins. One of several pokes, yours is the one that worked. I've got a blog.


Java said...

Congratulations, Steven! It was you who finally convinced Birdie to start her own blog!

I am at once sad and satisfied about your decision (or near-decision) to stop blogging. You've met your purpose. Things are going REALLY well for you. Some blogs are meant to stay only for a season. Others are long-lasting. If this blog's season is coming to an end, so be it.

I am very happy to have found you. This blog has taught me a lot. And your blog was here, with tales of your experiences, so that I could refer a dear friend to your story. I know it has helped him in ways I never can as he begins the journey you are on.

Blessings and godspeed, my friend

Anonymous said...

You have grown up sooo fast, Steven! I remember when Matt first "introduced" you to many of us and you were at the time, shall I say, just budding. Now look at you! Congrats with your journey.

K said...


Make sure no matter what happens that you stay in touch! You're a great guy and one of my favorite bloggers!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Doug thanks, it was nice to meet you as well and I am glad to see you have started to write again. My email is on my profile so anyone can feel free to use that, I will always answer back and I am glad to hear from people. Plus I will still follow everyone's blogs from time to time.

Steve, another person that has been really supportive thank you for that. It was also helpful for me to hear about how you live your life as a gay man that has been out for a while.

Freespirit, well thank you very much for the kind words, that means a lot that you decided to break the silence, and that you liked the blog!

Dave, thank you for your blog friendship. I am really happy that things seem to be working out for you now. Good luck buddy!

Kendall, another blog buddy. Thank you as well. It has worked out well for me and the blog was a big part of that. If some one had told me a year ago that I would be out and with a boyfriend now, I would have said "what are you talking about I'm not gay, aahhhh!" Well you get the idea! :)

Birdie, I checked it out, good for you!!!

Java, thank you so so so much and not only for your comments but for your general support towards gay people with your blog posts as well.

Afod=Steven, yes I remember that day, I could not understand why all of a sudden my readers went from about seven to forty. You helped as well, it was interesting for me to see that you were out but still had a lot of the same issues as I did. I understand now that we actually always have to come out a little for the rest of our lives, it is just how we handle it.

K!!!!! My buddy, hugs back! I have to say K that with the younger crew, (25 and under) I get the biggest kick out of your blog, you crack me up with the crazy things you get up to. I love the sense of humour that you put into your posts, you nut you! XD

Will said...

Wow, you are a great example of the power of this medium, Steven. You chose to--and had the courage to--reveal yourself at a pivotal moment in your life and so many of us were taken with your situation and rallied 'round. It was a privilege to be able to offer support and encouragement while you walked steadily from the shadows into he light of freedom of self.

If and when you pull the plug, I'll miss the blog, and you, very much. Your openness has been both daring and reassuring in today's world. Your success an inspiration and cause for celebration.

Sincere hugs from


Anonymous said...

Aaaaaaaaaaah! I see you are still hard at it and there is a Dave in your life now! Congrats,Buddy!

Devon, of the former Thru Rainbow Colored Glasses.

john said...

I hope that you continue to blog, as it has been an inspiration to me and I'm sure countless others.

But you must do what you have to do.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Will, thank you and it is true, it really helps to hear from other gay people. I think we all need to know we are not alone. Some days for a person in the closet they may feel like the only gay person in the world and need to know that is not true, there is support out there, being gay is not bad, wrong or shameful.

Devon, thanks, I was wondering where you went!

John, of course you know now that you were one of the blogs I first lurked around before contacting you. Inspiration for my blog was partly thanks to your encouragement.

r. said...

When you feel it, you'll know it. I wish you the very best in life Steven. like Steven said [from AFOD], you certainly have grown since I first read you.

Take care my friend. It's a small world, I hope to see you around. :-)

Bill said...

I am so proud of you, and proud to know you! I agree that writing out our thoughts is a helpful release. Your blog works so well because of your honesty throughout.
This is why, if you no longer continue to write on this blog, I am both happy (for you) and sad (selfishly). Reading about your steps to become happy, joyous, and free has been exhilarating! I am very happy for you.

I agree with Birdie that you should consider leaving your blog open. You have chronicled your process in coming out so beautifully that I think it will be helpful to many others whenever they need a resource.

Also, at some point, you may want to start at the beginning and read your blog. It is an amazing testimony of the joy and pain of finding oneself.

You know how to reach me, and I look forward to staying in touch, you splendid soul.

Anonymous said...

Buy Cialis, Viagra, Levitra, Tamiflu. Order Generic Medication In own Pharmacy. Buy Pills Central.
[url=]Buy Best Viagra, Cialis, Levitra, Tamiflu[/url]. Indian generic drugs. Discount pills pharmacy

Anonymous said...

We are to death that our comrades Buy Cialis Knock off Apothecary is solitary of the outwit in the Internet, commonly, Discount Viagra Pharmacy On-line specializing on online pharmacy Viagra.

Anonymous said...

When you sort Cialis or some other meds in our machine shop you may be trustworthy generic Cialis now that this issue only of pre-eminent distinction bequeath be delivered to you systematically in time.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.