What is love? How do you know when you have found it, how do you know you have it for someone else? Lately this question circles around and around in my mind. I worry, do I love being in a relationship with Dave or the 'idea' of being in a relationship. This is new to me and most days I am not sure what I am feeling. I worry as in, do I love him enough, do I love him the right way. How do you know that you care for someone as a boyfriend and not just a really good friend. What is love, is there suppose to be fireworks or is it being excited on your way over to see him. Is love sitting on the couch watching a movie, just 'being' together and enjoying those moments or should there be more. I wonder is it good enough to just care for the other person. Should they feel like your best friend, or does that make them your best friend and not boyfriend?
Over and over these thoughts run through my head and I wonder if other couples have these questions when they first start dating, is this normal, do these thoughts stay with you. Have you ever felt that maybe the other person is more committed to the relationship, maybe committed is the wrong word, more like they have the stronger love which can make you feel as though you are not holding up your end of the relationship. I am unsure, I have nothing to compare this to. I want to treat Dave right and I want to be sure I am a full partner in this. When I am away from him I get stressed about us, when I am with him I often wonder what I was worried about. A friend of mine told me she thought I was getting cold feet from being in my first serious relationship. Is it possible, to meet my soul mate on first try? Did I luck out, did someone out there work the universe so that we would meet and be the perfect couple? What are the chances or is it that I am older and can tell a good person when I see one. Am I wise enough now to pick the right one and just skip all the "MR wrongs" or am I just kidding myself. Sometimes I don't feel that I give enough to this relationship, maybe that is too Hollywood, maybe we are just suppose to eat, laugh, sleep together and that is living, that is love, that is a relationship.
I always want to be honest with Dave and so we talked about where we are, where we are going with this relationship. I told him some of my fears, I told him I don't feel I am giving this my all. He made me relax by saying that he has the same fears as I do. He said that he felt I give my all and that he is not giving 100%. What is love, what does it mean for people. How do you know you are 'in love', maybe even do you know at the time if you are in love, real love that is and not a crush or worse, lust. If love is fireworks, honestly I don't have those. Is love having a huge smile on my face when I think of him, is it knowing the little things I do for him will make him so happy, and in return makes me happy, is it feeling that his family, friends and work are very important to me because these are important to him. Is love that I feel as if we always knew each other, is love that at times he feels more like family. How do 'you' define love, I don' t know I have never been in love before, I just want to do this right.