I am trying to do more regarding being gay than just the blog world and telling straight friends. Blog land has been great, I met a lot of people who have really helped me feel comfortable about myself, this gave me that push to start to come out to my friends. I know it is not enough, it is like living in a gay storybook sometimes, I read about gay life, become interested in the characters but in the end I am still alone. I have met some really great people through my blog, for those of you that have wanted to chat, my apologies for not accepting your offer, please don't take it personally but for some reason I hate chatting. I find it cumbersome, I feel I can't get my thoughts out properly or fast enough, I feel a slight disconnect and I am uncomfortable without my spell-check. Really I'm also too lazy to enjoy all that typing. The only thing I use is Google talk, so easy, down load it in a split second put on your headset and your ready! If you have Gmail and a headset you are good to go. Also I feel if I spend a lot of time on the computer with cyber friends, that discourages me from meeting real world friends.
I need to have gay people around me, just to have that brotherhood feeling, someone who would understand if I said during a movie "Matt Damon is cute" and they would node their head or disagree but both ideas would come from the same place as my statement came from. Last week I put my profile on a local site that serves the GLBT community (does that not sound like a hamburger, better hold the mayo). I made it clear I was looking for friends and not a hook-up. After a day I received a response from someone who was interested, we had a lot in common, he just wanted to meet as a friend as well. I was so excited, my hands were shaking I was thinking, finally I was going to meet another gay man, maybe have a gay friend. I emailed back and said I was interested in meeting and getting to know him. That was last weekend, he never replied back. I don't understand what gay men want, why contact me in the first place. Why do gay men walk around like lost souls, saying they are lonely, that the culture is shallow but when someone extends their hand in friendship, you get a cold shoulder. This is my second attempt, the first one no one responded but to be honest I later realized it was a place for mostly hook-ups. I am starting to get the feeling that in each city the only thoughtful good gay guys are the ones that start up a blog and that is why blog-land has so many sweet guys. I will give this more time, there must be a gay guy in this city that would like to have a loyal friend.
On the thought that karma will keep coming around on a person, I find myself in a funny situation. I actually don't believe in karma, I just use it as a saying. I do believe God puts people in situations for a reason, no matter how big or small. I will be going on a date to a Christmas party this Friday, it is however with a girl, she did not want to go alone so I am rescuing her. The strange thing is that at this party there will be close friends who I wanted to tell next, they will all be in the same room I can do it all in one shot! The even stranger thing is that there will be a gay couple attending also. It is the couple that I have mentioned before that I knew of, who make me feel very uncomfortable. Of all the gay men in this city to be stuck in a room with, it would have to be them. I guess this will be my test, all the high ideals I have been spouting here, lets see if I am as comfortable as I pretend to be on this blog. I have to be open minded about this, it has been almost ten years since my last exposure to them and I am sure they must have grown since then. I found them a bit over the top and dramatic before but I was also a major closet case. In fairness to them, they are a couple that have been together for almost sixteen years, and I am told this is like eighty three in straight years (actually I hate it when people say that). I also know of twice where they really came through for their friends with helping them get jobs while down on their luck. I hope I see them in a new light, maybe we will become good friends, this is crazy who knows and I give up on fighting this, I will take it that if life has placed me in this situation I will run with it, I mean like maybe get lush-ed up enough to come out to everyone at this party, the thought at the moment does not scare me, it makes me laugh. Probably that night I will be scared sh**less, I may have to wear diapers, depends.