Monday, November 12, 2007

Have you learned nothing?

Growing up gay did often make me feel isolated, in the early days gays just never heard of famous people coming out, in fact it was the kiss of death for a career if that were to happen. Things began to open up and more and more people in the public eye began to come forward and I think it was and still is, very brave of these people and I really appreciate it. When younger it did help to hear that certain singers, actors, politicians were gay also, led normal lives and had loving relationships. There was however a mean streak also in the gay community, one that wanted to out everyone whether they were ready or not. This I hated because I used to think what if I were in that person's shoes. Lately though I am coming across something even worse, where rumours are started about straight people and will not stop even when proven otherwise. I saw story titles this weekend about a gay hockey player, since I'm Canadian and think hockey players are hot, I decided to check it out. The lead ins would have you believe you were about to view pictures of a gay hockey player caught french kissing his boyfriend. However what you find are two young straight guys about nineteen, who had been out to a bar and were just buddies fooling around. The picture (yes only one) was staged, the guys were not even touching, they were just pretending to touch tongues. Straight guys do that sort of thing all the time and trust me I have seen much more erotic things between straight guys than that. I am not going to mention the hockey player's name because I don't want to add to this. He was upset enough to ask to be interviewed about this where he flatly said that he is not gay, to me that is a straight guy answer, gay guys always say things like, "I don't like labels". This should have been enough but the hinting continues.

This angers me on many different levels. First why would we attack someone like this, explain the benefit we would get from it. What would be a faster way to start turning straight guys against us than sexually harassing them and insisting they are gay when they clearly show us they are not. Honestly even if they were gay, it should be case closed if they say no and are not harming the gay community, if they are not ready to come out we should show compassion for them. I just want to make it clear that I have a different answer for someone that is being hypocritical by preventing gays and lesbians from basic rights or making money from homophobia, while having gay sex in parks and washrooms, my feeling is that when you fire upon the gay community, you had better be prepared for some retaliation. Don't we want to encourage our straight male friends to be more comfortable around each other and us as well. Will the next generation grow up being afraid of hugging their best friend lest they appear on the net as being lovers.

Mostly though even as I had trouble coming out, I don't need these kinds of lies to validate me as a gay person. It was nice to have people like Ellen, T.R. Night etc, come out but I don't need certain members of the gay community to make up stories to make me feel better about myself. I am not so weak that I need to falsely believe everyone is really gay and just will not admit it. If the person is handsome we can admire them from a distance whether straight or gay because really most of us don't have a chance to meet and be with them anyway. I always feel horrible when the person is trying to be positive towards the gay community when answering questions about their sexuality and the ones doing the questioning are hostile back, if they are not gay then it would not make sense for them to say yes they are, just so as not to hurt our feelings. Plus I think no one should have to talk about their sex lives if they don't want to, it does not affect how they play for our favorite team, how they sing on their next album or act in the next movie.

I do like to find out someone who I have enjoyed, either in the real world or entertainment world is gay. It does give me a feeling of belonging but I only like it when it is positive for that person, as with them finding a life love and they want to share the good news or they feel they want everyone to know the whole person. However when someone is outed cruelly or accused wrongly it leaves a sour feeling inside and I think of what most gay people have gone through to get here, it surprises and saddens me to see that some in the gay community have learned nothing.


J.R. said...

I really find it strange when gay people insist that a person is gay as a sort of insult or attack. For example, Tom Cruise, though I've never understood what about him seems so gay. Or, homophobes in general -- if someone says or does something homophobic, the automatic response seems to suggest their gay. So schoolyard, and I get that the idea is to tease then with what they hate most, but it's weirdly homophobic in and of itself. And then there are people who really believe all homophobes are secretly gay.

Anyway, good post.

Nothing Golden Stays

john said...

Very good post!

Darth Gateau said...

you're so right.
I don't really care who's gay or not. It doesn't mean they're better or worse actors/sportsmen/people. Their sexuality is only a part of their lives and doesn't, nor shouldn't, define them. Hounding them to admit they're gay (whether they are or not) is wrong, it's discriminatory and just unfair.

Creative Thinker said...

Hi -- I just came across your blog while surfing blogrolls. I have read a couple of posts and I really like your take on things. I'm pretty much where you are now in several areas. I will add you to my blogroll if you don' mind. I look forward to reading more...

Sooo-this-is-me said...

J.r, very true what you are saying, if a person uses being gay as an attack, then they must think being gay is bad and that is a form of homophobia whether they are gay themselves or not. BTW I like to read your blog, good to see you have new posts.

John, why thank you kindly, your blog is one of my favorites! ; )

Jason, exactly I never understand the non thinking that goes behind those actions.

Darth, yes correct and I think it should be a small matter, like a person just saying if they want "oh and Im gay also" and then no one pays attention.

C.T, thank you, welcome and I certainly don't mind blogroll me if you want. I love the Mark Twain quote you have up, I really find that so true. It is kind of funny in that I was thinking about missed opportunities, talking about it to a blog buddy yesterday and want to write a post about it also.

TWISI said...

great post, thanks for sharing it.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Kendall, thanks for reading and the comment! ; )