Wednesday, December 11, 2019
Maybe something here?
This morning's thoughts by Steven, "cold cold freezing cold *¡#ing winter cold cookies cold. Well not totally... something else has been taking over my thought treadmill. The following questions are starting to show up, "what does this mean"? "Is there something here"? "Is this just wishful thinking"? I'm trying to seem relaxed and cooool about the sudden attention I have been receiving from a certain man. Yesterday all was quiet, I felt he probably regained his senses and was maybe even a little embarrassed by his sudden interest to me. I imagined us over the next few weeks, speaking to each other again at some party, maybe with him... grinning sheepishly at me, we would pretend nothing happened and move on. He was married, his life is a little complicated at times, so he probably would feel it's better not to start something.
This morning when I went to check for emails and texts, I thought to myself, "if I'm wrong, if he is interested, if there is actually something to this, then he won't be able to help himself, he will need to email me. When I turned on my phone... there were both an email and message from him. I felt a little "whoa" in my stomach. The messages were cute actually, along the lines of, "it's going to be awhile before we can see each other because not a lot of group activities during the holidays". Meaning, is it okay to get together somehow, well I guess I better work on that. Hmmm, that reminds me, I missed Monday night's gay bowling!
I'm taking this slow, I will see how we connect or don't connect. I make sure to always answer him in a positive tone, a friendly tone, this way I'm hoping he feels comfortable to reveal what is on his mind without fear of rejection. Meanwhile I'm enjoying the attention, like I said, it just feels really nice.