Thursday, October 24, 2019

Everything I wished for and more.


 Sometimes when I send someone an email, google takes part of the paragraph and places it at the bottom of the email. Almost like a quote from a book, to give you an idea of what's inside. It's a little unsettling at times but it gave me today's title. I will get to the title later but first the lunch with my school friend.

 I was finally able to have lunch last week with my old classmate. I was going to tell him about me being gay but something happened that caused me to decide to wait for another time. When I posted about him being successful, many of you replied that maybe he had issues I don't know about. He didn't have an easy life to be honest and that's why I'm all the more impressed.

 The reason for my meeting was that he lost an older sibling to a horrific and senseless accident. He had two siblings much older than him and due to family tragedy when he was little, he viewed them almost asparents. When I sat down with him, I let him drive the conversation, I didn't know if he wanted to talk about it or talk about something completely different.

 When he started to explain how he realized that the person killed on the news, was his family member, he began to tear up and get emotional. That's when I realized that this lunch should be all about him and that me expecting a big coming out moment was selfish on my part. I decided then to not tell him, I would do it another day.

  We started talking about other things, he asked about my parents. We talked a lot, there was much catching up to do. He asked about my sister, I told him she is doing really well on all levels and that.. no.. she's not married with children, she has a partner and they have been together almost thirty years. He said, "ah that's wonderful"! Then he started saying things like, it must have been hard growing up gay in our area for her, the constant torture with slurs and sick jokes, he felt that it must damage a person to have to grow up like that, he was wondering how she could just try to ignore it, he was saying, "remember how bad it was with everyone always saying "fag fag fag" or "that's gay", he was already getting everything that I wanted to explain to him.

 I just heard this voice saying, "oh my gawd, this is it, this is your moment, now's the time, go ahead do it". I wanted to do it in a casual way but I started to have a meltdown. I started to choke on my words and my eyes watered. He suddenly became quiet and I said, "sometimes when someone is gay, it's very common for them to have a gay brother or sister as well". He sat back taking in what I was saying. I said, "I am too, I'm gay".

 He asked how long have I know, I told him most of my life, he was surprised by that answer. I asked him if he knew or suspected. He said no but that it did pop into his mind sometimes because I had all the qualities that he admires about gay people. I asked what he meant and he said because I'm thoughtful, respectful, introspective, selfless and because I like to see the bigger picture in life. He said growing up that some of his more interesting conversations were with me. We talked a lot, I said that I feel after all these years, I'm finally letting him meet the real me.

 Then we laughed and joked and laughed and joked and had a great afternoon together. When we were in the parking lot about to leave, I went to shake his hand, he said, "nooo, I want a hug out of this" I gave him the hug I've wanted to give him all my life. When the embrace was over he looked at me in a serious way and said, "I am truly... so sorry for making you feel that you couldn't tell me, I know you keep saying it's okay but it's not and I want you to know that". I felt like I had just been given a huge injection of happy. Many times I have had daydreams where he said something like that... and here it was actually happening.

 My coming out to him was everything I ever wished for all my life.. and more. I drove away thinking, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. :.)..

30 comments:

Christina said...

Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!
I'm soooooo pleased for you. I have a big cheesy grin on my face. Xx

Bob said...

Don't cry? Too late for that!
So happy that you told him and that it all went well.

Years ago, when I came out to my best friend, he said he didn't care because I was still the same person, but gay.
And he never spoke to me again.
Sad? Perhaps, but it made me realize,as I came out to others who were far more accepting, what true friends are and how they accept you.
So, good on you and your friend and that nice hug.
Now I need a tissue.

Old Lurker said...

See? That wasn't so bad. And now Jimmy doesn't have to chew you out. Just imagine how mad he would have been if you had used those self-rationalizations to chicken out again.

Jimmy said...

Lurky, hush your mouth. I'm sweet as candy and Steven seems to have begun a new chapter or started a new medication. What I want to know is; did he mention your sense of fashion or how well you dance? I'm very happy how it all played out for you. Maybe he'll introduce you to some of his other gay friends. Bonus!!!!

Deedles said...

This was so very sweet! *SNIFF!*

JP said...

For a horrible moment I thought you were going to type the words ... AND THEN I WOKE UP ...
I send you a big hug fro London Town. Good for you!
JP

Michael said...

Steven,
That was a great post to read. I am glad you were able to tell him. He's lucky to have you for a friend, and you are lucky to have him.

Dave R said...

Confabulations! For some of us it's difficult to understand how much attitudes are changing. Enjoy the moment.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

So wonderful! I'm happy for you!

anne marie in philly said...

YAYZ for being gay! and being comfortable to talk about it with another person! hope you and this friend stay in touch.

HuntleyBiGuy said...

What a wonderful post. I’m so happy that this experience turned out the way it did. And though you had resigned yourself to letting the day be about your friend, you were astute enough to see the opportunity to share about your self. And your friend is quite a guy. You are lucky to have him in your life.

Sixpence Notthewiser said...

Doesn’t it feel good?
You would not believe how many people you care about doesn’t really care if you’re gay or not. Are those qualities he enumerated what makes you so awesome. And whomever doe not love awesome, does not deserve it either.

XoXo

Vivian Swift said...

You made my day with this. It's rare when people exceed our expectations, and both you and your friend are exceptional people.

XXOO

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Christina, cheesy grins are a good thing! Thank you!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Bob, a very strange reaction from your friend but people are strange, I've learned that over the years.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Lurker, it wasn't Jimmy I was thinking would give me a hard time for not telling him.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Jimmy, he did say his gay friends were super domestic!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Deedles,yes.. yes it was.. happily.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

JP, that would be cruel and it's not April fool's day!

Thanks for the hug!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Michael, yes we have been reconnecting since.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Dave, yes attitudes are really changing, thankfully. I am soaking up this moment.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Thank you Debra, I should have done it years ago.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Anne Marie, thank you. Yes we text every day and are going to try and meet for lunch every two weeks.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Hello Biguy! Welcome, I glad you enjoyed the post. Yes he is a good guy, I'm kicking myself for not doing this sooner.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Sixpence, yes it feels good, actually great. Thanks for the sweet comment.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Vivian, I'm glad you enjoyed the post, thank you for your kind words, it odd how easy it was to pick back up where we left off.

JanF said...

This is wonderful! I am so happy for you. You have a true friend and no more reason to hide. No wonder you are over the moon today!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Thank you JanF, yes I'm reconnecting with this friend. While I wouldn't say I was hiding, there were a lot of people that didn't know or don't know and I'm changing that now.

Ur-spo said...

Indeed! Nice tender story of intimacy gone right.
Keep going.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Dr Spo, yes it went well. I knew it would, I should have done it sooner but what is done, is done.