Wednesday, February 20, 2019

Work poop'n.


  There you are, you are having a productive day at work when suddenly you get that feeling, yes you have to go potty... and not just the sprinkling potty, the full stinky potty, you have to go poo! Classy right?

 I hate, with a number one passion, having to go for a number two at work. I can't hold it, people are going to get wind of what I am up to sooner or later. I slip quietly away and try to make my deposit. However I get very tense and being very tense and trying "to go" are a combination that just doesn't mix. It's hard to relax because I am trying to do something private in a public place. First however, how gross is a men's washroom, I always feel that the place needs a bleach power wash to disinfect the area.

 As I place layers of toilet paper down on the seat... and then set them on fire, ok not really, I settle in and try to relax. However without fail some guy will rush in and always pick the stall beside me. There he will sit and then he will start going into labor. He will grunt and groan but worse is the straining noises, like the guy is lifting weights. This totally breaks my concentration and I lose focus. Now I'm too tense... I can't "go" when I am too tense. It's also a game changer when the guy next to you, clearly eats too many spicy foods! I finally go but I am unable to relax enough to go completely, so for the rest of the day I feel like there is a literal, "stick up my butt".

 Later in the evening when I get home, I can relax and go. When I am at work, I learned to play with my phone, read a few stories, it makes me forget where I am, just like the old days where some people used to read the news papers while doing their business. Poop'n @ work , it's gross, I hate it.









26 comments:

Christina said...

My son used to go to his bra parents house on Sundays and without fail, a couple of hours into the visit the phone would ring and we'd have to bring him home. As soon as he'd been to the loo he'd quite happily go back. He'd never poo at school either. I haven't asked him if he'd poo at work. He'd roll his eyes and say " Mother!" 😀

Christina said...

Bra parents??????? Grandparents!

Old Lurker said...

Now this is the quality content your readers are clamoring for.

No wait this is borderline TMI. It makes me grateful I am unemployed?

anne marie in philly said...

my office comprises 6 guys and me. 2 of the guys like the spicy foods; the other 4 are regular. dear lard, the smell! I make sure there are two kinds of air freshener in their bathroom at all times. and the exhaust fan is always on.

MY bathroom, OTOH, is roses and strawberries and cinnamon and vanilla. cause I'mma girl. like you, I'd rather not poo at work. but when doodie calls (see what I did there?)...

Sixpence Notthewiser said...

LMAOOOO
OMG you have made me laugh at an unholy hour in the morning. But yep. Going number two at work is just a pain. I dislike men's restrooms in general, no matter how clean they are.

XOXO

Bob Slatten said...

I also prefer my private space to do my private business, but sometimes you just gotta go. I try to wait until people are on their lunch because it's a small office and most of them go out. Oh, and being a small office we have a men's a nd a ladies, but their onesies ...one person at a time,so, yeah, there's that, too.

Deedles said...

This made me laugh so hard I have to go pee...., okay I'm back! I have to agree with the Lurkster, this is the kind of classy crap I enjoy reading! It took me years to pee in public and I still don't poop there! I used to get vacation constipation. Never even had the urge to 'go' until coming back home. As soon as we parked, boom! Gravity took over and I had to run to the toilet.
My son used to work for a commercial janitorial company. He preferred cleaning women's bathrooms. He said he didn't realize how filthy men were until he compared the two. Boogers on the walls disgusted him most of all. I really was trying not to go on and on. Oh, well.

Leanna said...

My husband has trouble occasionally and I've told him to take his phone into the bathroom to relax. He says it's ridiculous and won't do it. I caught him taking his phone with him yesterday.

Richard said...

I hate pooping at work too. Sometimes I will use the fancy men's room on the first floor which is next to the Client Briefing Center. It's usually cleaner and less occupied since clients don't visit on a daily basis. I'm thankful I can work at home four days a week.

krayolakris said...

I used to take a break and drive a block away to the local library. If it was closed, Walgreens.

mistress maddie said...

And then you have the prankster like me, who likes to wait for someone to come in, grunt loud a few times, and drop a huge brick in the toilet bowl for noise effect, and then say Oh yes Lord, what relief!

mistress maddie said...

Oh, and I agree with dear Lurker....I was wondering when you were going to break out the high brow post.....

Sooo-this-is-me said...

I just need some privacy and I'm good to go... no pun intended! Lol

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Lol, Christina, I was wondering if "Bra parents" was an English expression for something, hahaha! :D

Sooo-this-is-me said...

OL, I am glad you enjoyed it, I was thinking I need to write more mature and cultured posts, then I thought to myself, "what would the Queen blog about".

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Anne Marie, "when doodie calls" best comment award goes to you for this post!!! Hahaha!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Sixpence, if going number two is a pain... then maybe try more fiber in your diet? Ba dump dum! :)

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Bob, so in other words, no spicy food for you at lunch either?

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Deedles, vacation constipation, I understand that, I even have trouble the first few days when I move into a new apartment. Glad to make you go 1 from my jokes about 2... :D

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Leanna, I find the phone helps me at work, especially if I look at photos from home, it relaxes me. TMI??? ;)

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Richard, I generally look for the quietest bathroom but still some drama queen of a pooper will come in and disturb me :/

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Krayolakris, now that's intense!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Maddie, what am I going to do with you? We can't let you out anywhere! XD

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Maddie! (Now imagine me, wagging my finger at you with furrowed brows). I have warned you before, agreeing with the Lurker, only encourages him!

Ur-spo said...

Turns out lots of folks dislike pooping anywhere but home.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Dr Spo, the truth really hit the fan with this post! :D