Thursday, October 11, 2018
Losing the numbers game.
Lately the media keeps throwing out stats and the results from studying those numbers. The one constantly ringing in my ears is, "if you are, male, 45 or over, gay and single, then you will remain single until the end of your days". I feel an overwhelming sadness at the thoughts of going the rest of my life alone. Somehow I know this will come true, I have always known.
The heart wants what it wants, that keeps popping up in my head. I was emailing with another blogger the other day (a very handsome guy, hey my buddy "Mk" ) I was telling him about the two guys I have been in contact with the most. One is a little odd but a really nice guy, he is very loyal to friends, very family oriented, good financial head on his shoulders, trustworthy. He would make someone a great life partner, yet I have no attraction towards him. I have tried and tried to open myself up to the idea of dating him but it doesn't work that way, I feel nothing. In fact I think part of me it becoming annoyed with my practical side and is starting to dislike him in retaliation. Maybe punishment for trying to force the notion of being in an unwanted relationship.
Guy number two pushes all the right buttons, I find everything about him to be attractive. Speaking to him makes my knees feel weak, I wish he would just grab me and plant a romantic kiss on my lips. He is nice to me but unfortunately he doesn't seem to have any interest in me. If I ask him to meet me somewhere, he will say yes and we have a good time; however unless I contact him, I never hear from him. I don't get so much as an email or text from him asking how I'm doing. The truth is, it's not because he is a mean person, it's because when he is busy, I'm nowhere on his radar, he never thinks of me.
As a gay male the numbers seem to be stacked against me, even my "self" seems to be working against me, picking the wrong man to have a crush on. I guess if you are a male, are 44 years old and gay, then there is still hope for you but you better act fast.