Thursday, October 4, 2018
Baby Steps, Gaybe Steps.
Regarding relationships, I think if we don't become disappointed with results that didn't turn out the way we wished, we can learn from the experience. That is how I'm comforting myself these days. I finally admitted to myself last week, that all the people I have been communicating with and met with, are a loss cause. They either never want to meet for some reason, are just looking for sex and nothing more or are damaged goods, damaged beyond having a normal friendship. I don't mean they are drug addicts or something like that, they could be obsessive workaholics or extremely negative towards life, making it impossible to form a healthy friendship/relationship with them.
I am not upset that my efforts haven't paid off, I appreciate the experience of meeting new people, it was great practice for me. The first was my hardest, after the first one which was actually a no show, I was more determined to meet other guys and it gets easier I found. It shouldn't have surprised me (but it did) that the other person was really nervous about meeting me as well. I went in thinking that a coffee date was like a job interview, that I had to convince the other guy that I was worthy of his attention. I now see it as more of a meeting between two people, both hoping to impress the other, both hoping for a connection, it's not a competition to me now, it's a potential forming of a partnership. I just need to keep this in mind, then if we don't click, we are not compatible nothing more, I can't take it personally.
I am going to wean myself slowly away from two people I have become friends-ish with, they are nice guys but their friendship is something I have to work at, I often hear if a relationship becomes a job, then it's time to rethink that relationship. I realized the other night that I don't have time to be focusing my personal life in an area that will lead nowhere.
I have found some gay meet up groups, I think my focus should be in that direction, they are people looking for friendships and a community, I realise that the dating sites were never about that, even the friendship sections were about anonymous sex to 99.9% of the users. I have a realistic expectation about trying this route, I will probably fail in my first attempts but hopefully I will find something.