Moments captured in a mind.

 Last night I went out after dark to check on the animals before bed. Standing in the yard I felt the complete beauty of nature and no phone or camera would be able to capture it. The moon was rising to light up my little valley, the temperature had turned a refreshing cool, not cold but enough to keep the bugs away. The frogs and tree toads were belting out their spring chorus and best of all, the fresh cool air was amplifying the scent of lilacs, apple blossoms and wild cherries. It's one of those moments where you just nod your head and agree that life is good, right at that moment, in that place, and there is no way to capture that moment in its full beauty like just being there.

Steve goes on a date.

 In spite of my first bungling connecting with a guy, I turned that mistake around. He was very understanding when I explained me being a newbie at dating again, he said not to worry. I had started an email thread and we were going back and forth getting to know a little about each other. He was eager to meet and I understand why, sometimes guys will string you along for weeks but never meet with you. Meeting would be difficult for me but I decided I had better do it otherwise he would grow tired of me if I kept making excuses.

 His work was actually on the way to my work so meeting would not be that difficult. He kept telling me his after noon hours were flexible and kept wondering when we could meet. Sunday, I asked to meet with him over lunch on Tuesday  and he agreed. Yesterday I was so nervous my stomach felt sick but in the evening I told myself that he seems to be a nice guy, that nothing will probably come out of the meeting but hopefully at least a friendship will, and I just need to relax. This morning I wasn't terribly nervous, I felt good about it, I picked out something special to wear to hopefully look a little extra "dateable" I had a new Chaps shirt just waiting for a reason to be worn, I even got a haircut.

 Driving in to the city I was a little nervous again but I still felt good, as I said, I wasn't going in to the meeting with any expectations, that way if something just didn't click, we would part ways and that would be it. I thought it would be nice to make a gay friend and maybe he would introduce me to other gay men. Suddenly a thought hit me and it scared me. What if he is the one, what if you find yourself back in a relationship, there's much more regarding the dynamics of a couple than a single person.

 I wasn't sure about the coffee shop so I arrived early, there were others similar to it and I was a bit confused. He wasn't online yet so I couldn't confirm. I googled it and I seemed to be in the right place. I found it strange he wasn't on line, he usually is around noon. He also didn't check last night to double confirm. I sent him a message I was there early and waited, we were not supposed to meet until one. Looking out into the parking lot I had this image of a familiar man sitting on my car hood, he was shaking his head at me, letting me know he felt sorry for me, it was Mr Bean.

 "He's not coming" Mr Bean said in that funny voice of his, "you should have called this post, Mr Bean goes on a coffe date". Pointing at his watch it read seven minutes past one, even though he was only seven minutes late, I knew in my heart he wasn't coming. When I looked up, Mr Bean was gone. I waited until 1:30, then got something to eat and left a few minutes later. He seemed like such a nice down to earth
guy and was so eager to meet, of all the scenarios that played out in my head, positive or negative, the thought of him not even bothering to show up was not one of them.

Smooth moves from the Dating King.

I was not aware that I had left my phone open to a dating site that I was trying out. I heard the beep meaning a message came through. I froze because I had made contact with one guy who seemed normal. I had hoped to just email back and forth with him a little at first. However now I was trapped, he would be able to see that I was on and also that I had read his message. Doing anything other than answering would spell disaster towards meeting him.

 I came on and started emailing back and forth with him, he seemed nice. We were exchanging emails when he suggested that we should meet some time over the weekend. I panicked, what do I do, what do I say, what if he hates me! This is all very foreign to me, so I said "no" because I had family stuff to do over the weekend (which was a complete lie and I actually said "stuff"). Suddenly I dropped the phone, wet myself and crawled under the bed to suck my thumb in the fetal position. I am such an idiot.

 I decided to try and turn this blunder around, I confessed to not being hip to online dating. He said that he understood, we chatted a little more and he said he had to go. I guess I have signed up for the waiting game, if he makes a second attempt I can't shut him down again, I know that would be the end. Maybe I will become a monk, like all the other gay men with issues.

Get that thing away from me!

 First in honour of my last post regarding bugs, I would like to announce that the annual swallowing of the first black fly of the year, took place this evening. Anyone who has dealt with black flies will understand this event. I found the 2018 fly to be sweeter but less juicy than the 2017 and 2016 versions.

 When searching out my potential mate for spring rampage, there are a few things I check for that are a no go. Like smokers, yuck no that's not happening. Some think it's cool to list "drinks heavily" with a bunch of lol lol following that sentence. The big one for me is "never enough drugs" nnnnnNOooooo! Next!

 Keep that thing away from me! There is another no no for me that I worry about. Gay men being direct and to the point, list their stats down to the size of their... you know.... yes I mean that thing, so when I see profiles listed as 8.1 to 9.5 and the picture backs up the claim, ummm I need to think about injuries. Especially if he is listed as top, I think a 9.5 should be kept on a leash, I don't want "that" anywhere near me! It's going to be just my luck to find a great guy who one day asks me if an eleven and a half would bother me, maybe I could rethink the "never enough drugs" guy.

The Hordes Arrive!

 Lock up your children, bring in your pets, close your windows, seal your doors, the hordes are arriving. This spring came very late for us, it has been unusually cold, one bonus to this is that there have been no bugs. When I say bugs I don't mean ants or cute little lady bugs, I mean blood sucking, nerve fraying, ear buzzing little bastards call black flies and mosquitoes. Last year was epic with all the rain, there were clouds of them and they lasted well into fall.

 It has been surreal this year, I can be working out in my garden and there is a feeling like something is missing, that's when I realise that normally I would be doing the mosquito dance. Slap your knee, swat your head, whack your shoulder, squish them dead! Now everyone spin around and start over. However this year had been great, unfortunately I procrastinate. Last night I could hear one lonely little mosquito trying to get in, nice try buddy but it's not happening. I thought I better get the outside looking better faster, one means the others will come soon. This morning I was reading blogs near an open window and could hear two of the little buggers trying to get in, I thought uh oh they will start soon.

After a warm day today, the gates to bug hell swung open and clouds of the evil little s..uckers descended onto the farm. The cats are looking at me, "oh hey no, there's no way we are going outside"! There is this constant whirring droning sound like an electric motor about to die. My window screen is brown with mosquitoes trying to get in and have a piece of this sweet sweet Canadian sugar (lol). I should have moved faster to get my yard work done, now where is that bug spray?

Watching South Park Drunk.

Drinking and watching South park when feeling down is something I highly recommend. I was feeling down about certain things Sunday night and I couldn't sleep. Monday was a holiday and I also had this craving for something filling. Now I confess that I am a cheap date, I don't really drink so it actually doesn't take much to get me feeling tipsy. I don't have much choice out here in the country tv wise, I was watching the news and when it ended South Park came on. I was feeling pretty light headed by then so all the stupid jokes were that much more stupid. It was the perfect episode for me, it was a spoof on illegal immigrants but being South Park, instead of Mexicans coming in across the borders, it was hordes of Canadians, ( you have to watch those Canadians). I nearly wet myself when they were teaching people the alphabet song in Canadian, stupid in real time, hilarious in tipsy time. At some point I felt sleepy and went to bed.

 Just before the news at eleven came on, I caught the end of some awards show. They brought out the rap group Salt & Pepper to receive an achievement award. Now being a white boy from a farming community up in Canada, I am not qualified to judge rap music. I don't like most of it to be honest but it's probably because I don't have a cultural connection, except Drake maybe, I like a lot of his pieces (a good Canadian boy). I felt there were a lot of good rap songs back in the day when I could still shake my little asset. It's funny how back then rap, dance and hip-hop were fighting to get recognised, now they are part of the main stream with pop music and it's now rock that has been scrubbed away from awards shows.

 They said it was thirty years ago that Salt and Pepper came on scene, thirty years that really shocked me, after thirty years Sa Sa Salt and Pepper is still hip (I think maybe only Maddie will get that). The ladies performed a bunch of their hits and I think they proved my point about good rap songs back in the day, every star and singer in the audience was on their feet shaking booty to the sisters great tunes, I will also say even as a gay man, I noticed the ladies still looked delicious after thirty years. It was like the show ended with a party, they deserved the award, good job. I don't think too many places in thirty years will be jumping to today's rap songs screaming "slap the b..ch"! Wow, thirty years... where did it go?

What's in a Name?

 I have learned a trick or two already with trying to meet guys, you can tell by the profile name they give themselves, as to either they are looking for a relationship or they are a perverted sex freak and may I just add, not the good kind of perverted sex freak. If looking through profiles you come across nice looking men with profile names like, Seeknfriends, Hikes&bikes, Moviebuff then you are pretty safe to check out their profiles. If on the other hand you come across profile names like, Bangmehard, Yummycum, Breedmeraw then I strongly suggest that you move on, well unless you own a crabs breeding farm. It almost becomes a game, Hockeyguy safe, Rammyhole not safe, Likes2garden safe, Spankdadsass not safe! I think that I'm catching on.

 The other thing that is becoming annoying is the men around my age and older are looking for much younger guys. I see there are a lot of young guys willing to be kept by older men but that to me is not a relationship more like a business proposition, the love runs out if the money runs out, money for sex... isn't there another name for that? To be fair there are a lot
of May/December romances between guys, if the love is real, I think that's beautiful. Plus I don't really want to be with an older guy who craves twenty somethings. I wouldn't have the patience to date someone so young.

 Full disclosure, I probably should mention that a couple of twenty somethings did try to signal interest but I'm not responding, I'm nobody's daddy.

Like Socks For Christmas.

 This week when I revealed how adorable I am (not my words) I was also doing it as a trial. I generally don't like putting up pictures of myself and I was testing the waters for dating sites, I usually don't have pictures on my public profile but I'm still single so I figured I better try.

 Thursday I put up photos on one site and hoped for the best. I used to be afraid of someone that knows me, seeing my picture and contacting me. Now I would welcome it, I'm not sure what I was afraid of, maybe of being out more than I am. If I could make a friend out of this at least, I would be happy.

 Friday afternoon I couldn't wait any longer, I had to check and see if anyone saw my pictures and sent me a message. I almost never get any messages, so far I received one on the first day from a guy who clearly sleeps with anything that is still breathing and also every other day from a married man (or so he claims) that seems to email everyone to see who is available. When I opened the site I felt a rush, my email box had half a dozen emails already! I knew not to get my hopes up, my future husband was most likely not in there but hopefully I would make a little gay friend.

 As I was opening my emails, they were for adult sex toys, porn sites, pills to enhance your pleasure etc. I suddenly realized that they were advertisements, no future husband, no little gay friend, not even a creepy proposition from the local pervert, another Friday evening at home alone. Talk about disappointment, it reminds me of when I was a child and someone would give me a beautifully wrapped gift, in your mind you have visions of what could be inside, the gift has so much promise to it, not once do you ever imagine the pair of socks that are hiding inside waiting to disappoint you. Lol

Have you seen my husband?

 Have you seen my husband? I have been looking for him everywhere! Dating, ugh... I hate that part, I wish there was gay marriage arrangements, your father gets a cow while my family gets rid of me! Everyone wins, my husband may not be the most handsome but he is successful and well respected. Nervous at first, we both realize that the match was perfect and slowly fall in love with each other. That sounds like a fairy tale but who better to dream up a fairy tale than a f.... umm, gay man.

 I was saying to someone yesterday that I don't know what scares me more, putting up a profile   and having no one reply or putting up a profile and having some really quality guys reply. Nothing can make you feel more like a piece of meat than going on the meat market or is that meet market. Maybe I should use the phrase, "Where's my Husband" as my tag line, that sure would frighten off all the hook up guys and married guys, unfortunately that sounds a little too desperate and probably would frighten off any normal guys as well. What about, "where is my husband, skinny guy obsessed with poultry, cries during movies, lactose intolerant, afraid of spiders, loyal as a German Shepherd, hogs the blankets, dislikes cauliflower, spends way too much time on blogs. Now does that sound hot or what?

Some Really Cool People.

 I've had the pleasure of meeting some really cool people, like me they are seeking a community, like me they are making their way through life the best way they can, like me they make mistakes, like me they are looking for happy moments, funny moments. Where can you find these people you ask, well you're reading this post right now. Yes it's you, I think you're cool or is that kool, actually I think now it's kewl, I'm very hip to these things, do they even say hip anymore? To be honest any time one of my older friends says the word hip, they are usually talking about replacement surgery.

 Yesterday I let my vast fan base (about nine people lol) meet me beyond just my words, it was actually fun to do. I received messages that I would increase my followers with more pictures. I am however a private person and it was never my intention to create a blog about my life and invite everyone to come and share it. This is a place where I think out loud and people can add in their thoughts. I feel it gives me more of a connection with people and I like that, it's what I prefer regarding my blog.

 I am also cautious because of an incident that happened years ago when I first started blogging, someone managed to find me using search engines, they tracked down my address and phone number, nothing makes you break out into a cold sweat faster than when that happens, especially when I was still in the closet at the time. Everything worked out ok, he was just really lonely, married and confused.

 I wasn't able to post photos for years, suddenly I can now. I will probably put some in but I'm not taking a selfie every time I am out having dinner. I was trying to post one last night of a pumpkin, you know as a joke about after midnight I turned into a pumpkin but technology failed me and I went to bed angry!

 Yesterday was my little hello to the really cool  people (kool, kewl) plus to also let you know that I'm adorable... hey Deedles said it so it must be true!!!

Meh just boring stuff.

                   Poof

          It's after midnight, I disappeared again. 

Disconnect

  I am almost finished cleaning up the drafts section, this was a post that at the time, I didn't feel like completing.


 Many days I no longer feel connected to my mom. There's this woman who moved into my mother's body, she looks like my mom, she sounds like my mom but it's not my mom. I live close by but I come up with all kinds of excuses to not go see her as much as I could, because it's painful to see her that way and it only gets worse.

Oh Deer!

I think I can post pictures now? Can you see me now? I took this from my living room window about four weeks ago. See I'm not kidding about snow. I call this "Who you lookin at"!

Panicked For Time.

 This is another from the unfinished drafts, I started this two years ago, if I felt I was running out of time back then, now it's even more frightening. I have work down to only four more unfinished posts from fifteen. I just deleted one from 2009, it was about how at the time we were not accepted yet into society because there were no commercials with gay couples and no gay storylines in tv shows. I deleted it because that is no longer true... happily.

 I feel that I am pressed for time, I feel the clock of life is winding down on me and I need to move faster to accomplish anything. I think that is why I'm so critical in judging guys. I feel that I don't have the time anymore to invest in dating the wrong person. Yes it's judgemental but I think I'm mostly correct in how I judge them, I think I have a good grasp of what a person's character is or what it would be like to deal with this person. I can tell when it's just not going to work and when the guy is completely wrong for me. There is a danger is in my haste, I could make a mistake and let a good one go.

I don't want to add anymore to this post, I decided to leave it as is.

The Agenda People.

 Another draft I had started, I can't add to it, I don't remember what made me write it but it could be applied to most major situations.


 Why is it that no matter what the event is, or how horrible, tragic, devastating the situation is, everyone comes running with a comment and it's usually nothing to really do with what has happened, it's all about their agenda and how they can put it forward.

Dirty Craigslist Pictures

 Sometimes I like to look at the pictures on craigslist, I guess that's one of my kinks, normal everyday type guys, I have very little interest in studio porn, they make the people look like mannequins or worse, like a funeral home did their makeup. The funny thing is that the only people who don't seem to get what craigslist is about, are the people who use craigslist. A few weeks ago, some guy wrote nasty posts about there being too many older guys, chubby guys and what ever else he didn't like. He was angry as to why all the hot nineteen year old rugby playing type guys weren't answering his ads. Someone needs to sit him down and explain to him that a hot, rugby playing nineteen years old with a six pack, doesn't need craigslist to find sex. Actually ( lol ) he could probably just stand in a parking lot at a mall and someone would snap him up. Sorry but craigslist is for the older troll type person, the "round is a shape" person, the cross dressing business man who wants to be spanked in his favourite red high heels.

 Sometimes I think they need to read over what they post. "Married, so I need to be discreet, very trustworthy, honesty and loyalty are my best personal traits". Ummm, not judging here but I think, hmmmm, trustworthy really? Then there are the guys who say they want to try gay sex for the very first time and then proceed to request sex acts that I have never heard of before. I have to actually google them to find out what they mean. Hmmm, now let me see what this sex term means, it means when one guy ( O_O ) aaah! Scrub eyes! Scrub eyes! There goes the appetite. How about the guys who post they love kissing other men, passionate long kissing session, cuddling, body contact, affection but they want it with no strings attached, huh? However I think I saw it all now, one guy posted a while ago, he has a wife and kids but is secretly looking for a guy on the side, first picture shows himself naked in the living room, second picture shows himself with clothes on but his kids are playing in the room, this in an ad looking for a guy to come over and have sex when the wife and children are out.

 I think craigslist must be the Wal-Mart of adult sites, or maybe it's the trailer park dating site. Like a train wreck however; I can't help but look.


  This is another post from the unfinished draft department. The ironic thing is that Craigslist and many other sites like it, shut down their personal sites in Canada this week. I assume it has to do with the law in the U.S. holding those sites responsible for anything that happens to the user. I think the real reason is that U.S. law makers are hoping that by shutting down these sites, it will make it harder for their president to find hookers and escorts which will help him concentrate on his job. Bazinga!

Garage Sales and Dating Sites.

 As the weekend closes in and the weather gets warmer, the season of garage sales has started. I have been to a few, it's not really my thing but many of my friends are addicted. Men, women, gay and straight, they get up early on weekends to jump in their cars and search for that perfect find. They always tell me getting to the place early is your best bet, you don't want to end up picking through what others didn't want.

 Every time I join a dating site, I feel like when I first arrive at a garage sale. There is so much to choose from, there is the promise of finding that special find. However after doing some serious searching, I begin to feel like I am picking through the leftovers. The chipped and cracked China, the albums and cd's nobody wants, the knick knacks with pieces broke off and the books too damaged to read. I end up realizing that there is nothing for me here, I have wasted my time, I came too late.

I Love This.

 This was another draft I was working on, at the time my links were not working, I am hoping they do now.


 I wanted to post about wishing I had gay role models when I was a child. The other day I heard a person from another minority group saying that children need to see themselves reflected or represented in society. Clearly that means LGBTQ children and even the huge diversity within those groups. I will post about this another day, today I want to put up a link of photos that I love. Maybe some of you have already seen these photos but I just recently discovered them a few weeks ago while searching for positive gay images. Having grown up in rural Canada, I also felt a connection. I love the interview as well. Thanks to Brian Powers for these photos and thanks to Benjamin and Brandon for letting others see what gay relationships are really about, love. I would appreciate if you have time to say what you thought, weather pleased or not.... and please don't let this be an internet hoax, because I just love these photos.

https://m.huffingtonpost.ca/entry/gay-couple-montana-ranch_n_6924588

Gay Role Models

 I happened to notice that I have a large number of drafts sitting there doing nothing, waiting to be finished. I decided to go back and try to do some spring cleaning, delete the ones that don't seem relevant and try to publish others. I found this one I was working on right after Carrie Fisher had died. It's about the lead roll being played by a closeted gay young man. I decided to post as is because I like the way I felt frustration with a post that was feeling clunky.


 Unbelievable to many, I don't have cable tv or a satellite dish, shockingly I only have an antenna, same as your granny did watching her black and white tv. This leads to some nights with me wanting to relax and watch a show but there is nothing interesting on. The other night I put a movie into (wait for it) my VCR! Yes I still have one and it's actually in great shape. The movie I picked was the very first Star Wars film from back in the seventies. I wanted to see it for a lot of reasons, mostly I think as a good bye to Carrie Fisher and because of all the talk about the latest movie from that franchise.

   There is a scene near the beginning of the movie where we first meet Luke Skywalker, he is feeling restless about having to stay home instead of exploring what is out there. He is standing in the glow of a setting sun (actually two Sun's but that's a nerd thing) and it kinda caught me. What a good looking man, plus he's one of us. As a boy growing up I had a crush on him, at that age I didn't even understand what a crush was but I would feel little shocks in my stomach because of him. I think it's important for young gay people to have gay role models, because I know it would have given me strength to know that one of my heroes was gay just like me. If only at that time people were safe to come out like they do now.

 Ugh... This post is not going the way I want it to. I am not getting across what I'm trying to say. More like I felt sorrow when I saw him standing in the setting sun, sorrow that he had to hide who he was, that I wish I could have known he was gay, someone to look up to instead of the gay stereotypes Hollywood kept throwing out, strange characters that I felt nothing in common with.

Little Gay Helper.

 When people ask how old I was when I knew I was gay, they don't understand that some of us are gay long before we know there was such a thing. Many of you have said the same thing regarding your younger years. The more I think back, the more I realize how ingrained it is in me.

 I was thinking of a time when I was really young and my parents were having the living room remodeled. A nice man came to put the final touches in. He worked alone for two or three days, a little husky but cute in that handsome teddy bear kind of way. With a happy personality, friendly kind of guy. Little Steven stuck to him like glue, getting him any tool he needed from his box. My parents would ask if I was in the way, he would say a friendly "nope, he's my little helper". I would be then warn to behave and not get in the man's road.

 Little gay me had an ulterior motive besides being helpful. The guy had a nice butt, even better when he bent over or crouched down (which was often), his pants revealed major butt crack, not in a gross way because this guy's bum was an art piece, made for public viewing. I didn't know why, I couldn't take my eyes off him. Every time he crouched down, I felt electricity in my stomach. I remember thinking, if he would only bend over a little more, maybe I would get to see the goods. I had thoughts of sticking my arm down there and grabbing a handful. I remember seeing matching carpet to his sandy blonde hair and thinking how nice his crisp white underwear looked, I wondered what he would look like in just his underwear. On the last day he removed his boots and worked in socks as not to mark up the floor. I found that hot, even though I didn't know what "hot" was.

 At night I would daydream that he was my best friend, after working so hard all day we would take a bath together and I would help wash him and he would wash me. Then we would dress at the exact same time into our pyjamas and he would sleep over in my double bed. Yes that's all I imagined because I didn't know there was such a thing as gay sex yet. I find it interesting that I was clearly sexually attracted to him, even when the concept didn't exist for me, so in other words, I was gay before I knew what being gay meant. There are many people out there who still believe there is no such thing as a gay child, when I think about me wanting to bathe a grown man... clearly I was one!

Welcome to the... club?

 Yesterday I got a phone call to let me know that the father of a close high school friend had died. With people who have been here for generations, it is of course different for us than for city people. His father I knew before I started school, his dad was a friend of my dad, we had been to each other's places since I can remember.

 I feel sympathy for my friend but I don't feel sad, I think we can only celebrate his life because death is inevitable. My friend sadly has joined "the club", it's something that comes with our age, the loss of our parents, specifically our fathers. I know people crunch numbers but the scary fact for men is we have a shorter lifespan. Most of my classmates and I have been together since grade one, there were around 32 of us, out of the 32, only four still have their dad, the four still with us is probably due to the fact that these men became fathers in their early twenties. Some of the fathers died years ago, most (like me) have lost their father in the last ten years. Compare that to moms, out of 32 only two classmates lost their mother and oddly enough one of those classmates died as well, she was the first to die. Stop.... don't feel sad... I'm just thinking about life... I'm not feeling down.

 We can't predict how life will work out so there is no point in worrying too much about it. Take my friend's father for example, the interesting thing about him is that amongst all my classmates fathers, my good friend's dad was the oldest, he had children very late in life and yet he outlived most of the other dads. That's why I feel we shouldn't be sad, he had a good life, he was almost ninety, he was driving, active, mentally alert and basically healthy until this winter, plus he got to die at home like he wanted to do, anything more than that is extra icing on the cake.

Individual Sexuality.

 I think the more we learn about sexuality, the less it becomes about just being gay, straight or bisexual. I had been working on a post about what appears to me, as maybe different types of gay men. I was going to use as an example something similar, the many different types of men who dress in women's clothing, drag, transsexual, cross dressers etc. I stopped because at the time I was about to post, Mistress Maddie wrote a really good post regarding men dressing in women's clothing, the different reasons for it and with much more knowledge than I have. Just as there are different types of men with different reasons for doing this, I am starting to feel that there are different types of gay men. I have a feeling what makes one man attracted to men, may not be the same for others. I have a feeling that if we discover the causes of sexuality, we will discover different types of same sex attractions. There are many different ways that men are attracted to men, including the different degrees of bisexuality.

 I wonder about this because of something that has come up regarding my own sexuality. I have always stated that I am attracted to the masculinity of men. I have no attraction towards cross dressers or transsexuals or any part of the feminine side of humanity. If he looks anything like a woman, nothing is happening below the belt for me.I have mentioned this before that I was a little surprised to make a personal discovery regarding my sexuality two years ago.

 An example is last night, I am on the internet and I am up to no good (lol), I am looking for adult entertainment. I click on one site and I see a couple of young men posing for the camera. I see they're perfect, wide shoulders, hair across the chest and down to the naval. Powerful long legs, clean cut with a trimmed beard, gorgeous guys. One guy sits back on a bed and strips down, pushing down his pants to reveal a nice.... vagina. Yes the gorgeous men are actually female to male transgender people, I saw the disclaimer on the site, I clicked anyway because I knew that I would enjoy the video and I am as attracted to them as any other good looking man. I would date a guy like this no issue. Yes, even if he didn't want the final operation, I would be fine with that, more than fine.

 I don't feel conflicted by this, I am at the point in my life now where I am finished trying to explain my attractions. I do wonder where that puts me regarding sexuality. I still feel that I am firmly gay, I see those guys as men, not women pretending to be men. I think nature screwed up some where because many of them are much more masculine than an average man, hormone injections alone are not enough to cause that. It's just that these men have different equipment below and strangely enough, that doesn't seem to bother me. I am not saying this to appear more open minded or because I think I should write about being more inclusive towards transgender people. I'm writing this because it's my truth, I am attracted to "female to male" transsexual people, I don't see them as "transsexuals" some kind of second class man, I just see a cute guy.

 I know that I'm going to get grief over this, how many times have I joked on this blog about vaginas, but I don't really have a problem with them, it may surprise people but I tend to like taking the top bunk during sleepovers, if I was getting to know someone and was really into them, I wouldn't care if they revealed this. My main point here is that my attraction towards men is different from many of you judging from the comments you make. I'm starting to think that sexuality is a little like a person's taste in music or movies, each person generally has similar tastes to certain groups of people but most people also have very unique tastes as well that set them apart. It's our individual sexuality, just some of my personal thoughts.

Barnyard Empathy.

 Spring has finally come to my little valley, although probably not the beautiful green spring that most of you are already having. No my spring is that 98% of the snow is finally gone. That is not normal, we are behind by a month at least. Yesterday mother nature was having hot flashes which really ticked her off so she plunged us back into freezing temperatures.

 Oddly enough we were having nicer days back in March. With spring comes the typical barnyard scenes and one of the hens hatched out a bunch of chicks. She did a super job as a mom keeping them warm and getting them to the point of not needing her as much. One of the things that can be a little sad is the day she forgets who they are. Often like now, her body will gear up to start laying again, this way she can start another hatch while the season is still early. The problem is once she starts laying again, her mothering instincts shut off and within a day or two she no longer recognises her babies.

 This happened yesterday, she no longer speaks the language of communication between hen and chick, she can't figure out why all these little chickens follow her everywhere and by evening she was becoming aggressive towards them. I can't help feeling sorry for the little guys, they see mom, she is right there but she doesn't see them, she doesn't know them. They have this confused look, a lost look.

 I always felt sorry for the babies when that happens but last night I had empathy for them as well. I said to them, I know how you feel, my mom forgot me too, same as you guys my mom is there but not there, I feel lost sometimes, I feel confused sometimes, she no longer speaks the language of communication between mother and son, our bond is broken as well, like me you are on your own now.

The Notorious Fart Incident.

 I just wanted to help people enjoy their broccoli in my last post, then everything went down a gassy rabbit hole. This reminds me of an incident that happened when I was a teenager, it's notorious in my family and my sister still hates me for it to this day. She will whack me on the shoulder when reminded of it. I was laughing to myself over breakfast about it  this morning.

 Back when I was a teenager of around sixteen, getting tall and lanky, my body was changing in other ways that I was not aware of. In the evening after a meal I often had a lot of bloating, then a lot of releasing, making me sound like a motorbike or something along those lines. What I was not aware of, was that I was becoming lactose intolerant and the cause was drinking a glass of milk with supper.

 One of the most annoying things was sometimes when we went to church Saturday evening instead of Sunday morning, the Saturday church had hard wooden seats, there was no give to them and any sound would bounce off and be magnified. Even worse the church had an echo problem, if you dropped a book, it would sound like a tire blew out, if a mosquito got in, it would sound like someone getting a brush cut, so you can imagine how much I was sweating when the pressure kept building below.

 Many of my classmates were there with their families, now it may have been a while since your teenage years but try to think back how horrible it was to be embarrassed in front of your peers. Firmly squeezing my cheeks together, I realized I was fighting a losing battle, my Waterloo was coming. My sister was sitting next to me and I knew she would be disgusted, teen years are even harder on girls in my opinion and my sister was a very decent kid, she worked hard at keeping good grades and excelled in team activities, this would make her want to disown me even more.

 This wasn't my fault, I didn't know why this was happening, I thought of walking out but I was past that stage, I knew if I moved... then Huston would have liftoff. Sweat was forming on my forehead and I was squeezing so hard that my eyes hurt. The priest said, "and now we take this moment of silence"... so.... yes, that was the point in time when the seal broke. A loud bbrrrrrrrritt echoed throughout the church, I was horrified, life was over, what else could I do, so I panicked and suddenly threw my sister under the bus, I turned to her shaking my head with disapproval and went, "tsk"!

 To this day she still hits me saying, "you idiot"!

Steven's Perfect Broccoli.

Broccoli, I like it, raw or cooked either way it's one of my favorite veggies. Recently there have been a lot of claims regarding the health benefits to eating broccoli. Being a green vegetable it is something we should add in to our meals anyway. There were claims that broccoli helps ward off certain cancers and helps fight against others. I watched where they did some research to dispel the myth of fighting off certain types of cancer. What the results showed was that people who ate broccoli, actually had better results while fighting off cancer, so maybe not a myth, another reason to eat it! Also broccoli according to the program, has the highest concentrations of all the beneficial nutrients in the family of cruciferous vegetables, so if you like broccoli you don't have to eat brussel sprouts, cauliflower or cabbage etc. If you want more information, for Pete's sake google it, I'm not getting paid by the broccoli farmers of North America, lol. Broccoli raw is good but so is cooked broccoli. The trouble is most people really over cook broccoli, causing it to be rubbery and smell like someone farted.

Here is my easy steps to perfect cooked broccoli.

First put a pot of water on high to boil, you want to have a rolling boil. While you are waiting for your water to boil prepare the broccoli. Wash it, cut the stem off, you only want to eat the crown, that's where the goodness is. Cut the crown up a little, you don't want huge chunks. Do not put broccoli into the water until it is boiling. Once the water starts to boil, carefully put your broccoli in the pot, (don't burn yourself). Immediately set a timer for four and a half minutes 4.5 min. You don't want to get past five minutes max, it starts to go rubbery and farty after five minutes. 4.5 makes for a nice cooked broccoli but not too cooked. Once the cooking time is up drain off the water, serve on plates, add a little butter, salt and pepper and yum. I usually do this just before we eat, that way it doesn't get cold while waiting for the other food to be ready.

What Does Your Pet Sound Like?

Most people on here have some type of pet, I noticed that with many older women and gay men, they are their babies or best friend. Many people talk to their pets as if talking to another person, they imagine what the pet would answer back if the pet understood and could talk. That leads me to my question, in your head... what does your pet sound like?

 I am not at the level of pet whacky-ness that some of you have reached but sometimes the expression on the animal's face leads me to imagine what and how they might be saying something. For example my older cat Kiddy, she is a very serious animal, she doesn't get excited and looks at me with an expression of disapproval if I mess up on something. In my head I hear the voice of an older, very proper, English lady, "well how dreadful, you slept in and left in a hurry, now look what we have here, empty food bowls, my disappointment in you is rather large today". My younger cat is extremely playful and full of energy, like a little dog she follows me everywhere and is always looking for attention. I always hear in my mind a little girl of about twelve, one of those little girls that has that bubbly personality and talks non stop. Like, "and so I climbed up the tree because there was a squirrel there but then I came back down and look at me if I tuck my head down I can roll over, now tickle my tummy tickle my tummy and got to catch that leaf, is there kibble in my bowl, must pounce on Kiddy, now pet me"!

Neither cat is a diva, they have jobs to do and I think that keeps cats mentally healthy. No the role of diva falls to one of the rabbits, Blackie. She demands the best and her space is her diva den, stay away. She is very particular about her food. I always have in my head an angry loud voice like in some comedy movie where they get a generic large black woman who puts everyone in their place and absolutely demands respect. As if she is saying, "what is this! What IS THIS!!! This is not my Meadow Mix! I'm not eating this! GET THIS OUT OF MY BOOOWL"! She will then start to toss it out!

 Regarding your pets who seems to have a lot of character, in your mind what do they sound like? Maybe it's just a crazy Steve thing but I'm going to guess not.

Thanks for asking.

 When I went to visit my friend Eric, he asked me a question that startled me, it shouldn't have but it did. We were enjoying the sunshine in his back yard and having a drink, when he asked, "so do you have a partner"? Nobody ever asks me that, sometimes I forget that he knows about me. He has always been a supporter of mine, he has always wanted me to have everything relationship wise, even before he knew. Imagine me with a partner, sounds so odd. Yes maybe not to you but it's a little shocking to me when I say that over my entire life, I have only been in a real, full on relationship for less than three years.

 When he asked, I said no and he said surprised  "NO"? Again I answered no and he sounded a little sad for me, "no, awe Steve why"? I could tell he knew why, that's me, that's Steve, then he joked about there not being a large selection of gay men in my area, if any. The interesting thing however was that it felt great to be asked that question, (if I had someone). It felt nice to be able to talk about dating with someone and doing it truthfully, it felt real. At first it made me a little uncomfortable but then it just comes naturally. It would have felt even better if I had been able to gush about someone to him but maybe some day.