The other day I happened to be talking to another blogger and we were commenting how we both live in two worlds. He like me, are both in the process of coming out and like me, most of his close friends know plus a few family members. The strange thing that has happened for me is when I started to date Dave, I created a whole other life for myself just by association with Dave. In this world everyone knows me as being gay, they met me through Dave as his boyfriend. It is as if stepping into another world where I have always been gay. I spend time with his family who know and accept that I am gay, his neighbors, his friends and his coworkers, all of who know and never think twice about my sexuality. In fact it can be over whelming in a positive way that, not only do they not give a hoot that I am gay, they are actually really happy for Dave that he has met such a great guy (see, great guy that's me, well thought I would slip that in, my bad) and it feels good to have people happy about our relationship, not running for the holy water because of it.
Flash back to the past weekend, there was a huge 50'th celebration for members of my family. I was invited to a very large garden party to help celebrate it. Standing in a large crowd of relatives and old family friends, I never felt so lonely and out of place as I was there. This is the last remnant of my straight world, here I am still straight, here would be the greatest resistance to me being gay. I was very uncomfortable and seeing everyone with their families made me miss Dave greatly. The straight world, my straight world, very country, very catholic and very ignorant towards gay people. This is a part of my life that I no longer want to be in and I work now not to have to put myself into this position. Coming out gay here would just be a huge battle and I don't feel like I have the energy or time to be bothered explaining myself to people.
Most of my friends know I am gay and the result is they are blending into my gay life - my gay world. It just feels so right or comfortable to live like this. The two worlds are beginning to collide however, some of Dave's friends know people from places around my home town, sometimes when I am out with Dave we meet people who know my family. This used to panic me, it still does at first and then I think "well if they tell, then I don't have to" and I just accept it and move on. I want to be honest and say it is still very hard, it is just that now I don't have the energy, or even really care to fight against it any more, and really... what am I fighting against... the truth?