Saturday, October 13, 2007
Out and About This Town
Another Friday evening spent at home, eating chips while watching Ghost Whisperer. Yes that is one of my weaknesses, I like to watch that show, just that she has this secret that she does not want to tell people about because they would not understand blah, blah, blah and we all see the connection now, plus sometimes it can get a little spooky. Back to my point, why am I not going out. Sometimes I get frustrated with myself, there is a whole gay world going on in this town and I'm sitting on my floor watching TV. As much as blog land has helped me start to come out of the closet, it can also be a big factor or should I say excuse not to move further out of my comfort zone. I like to read the other blogs and see what the rest of you guys are up to, but that is only reading about you living your lives, not me actually living my life. Sometimes I feel it is not healthy for me, I get stuck reading for hours, I don't want to go away from the computer because I feel doing so puts me back into the straight world, where every movie, TV show, book etc is about straight people and I'm bored hearing about that, I only want to now hear about gay people and their relationships, our movies, our books etc. Telling my friends has helped that a little, now I am gay somewhere else besides only on line. Still I have not made that last important step, to meet and be around other gay people, I was thinking I could just go to a bar, I heard which ones are not meat markets, just go in and have one drink and leave, but I can't do it! I am over the fear of 'what if someone sees me' that does not really bother me any more, so that is not the problem, I guess it is just the awkwardness of it all. In some ways I am getting better, my stats counter was showing that someone close to the town where I grew up keeps reading my blog, at first a little panic set in but then I thought to just let things fall where they will and besides how would they explain themselves reading a gay blog if it is someone that knows me. Like they say, I need to come up with a plan of action. This is not living, this is just spending time and I am already an expert at that. Next week I am going to figure out some ways to get myself out there and hopefully there will not be too many more Fridays and Saturdays spent watching TV at home alone.