The Hazards of Country Life.

 As evening fell I engaged in battle with a pair of pigeons determined to build a nest and create more of their spawn. They picked a spot right above the barn door, this way it only added to my dislike of the horrid creatures, every day I have to walk through their mess and worse... you better wear a good hat! Now some people describe pigeons as flying rats, I wouldn't go that far, after all... rats have feelings too! They do carry diseases, lice, mites and it's believed the virus that causes zombies... but that's still in the testing phase.

 One of my weapons is a frisbee, while they fly up four stories out of my reach, they love to line up on the roof and look at me, as if to say, "stupid human, can't touch me, can't touch me, I shall poop on your head"! That's when the frisbee comes out, scares the statue droppings out of them. They think I learned to fly and I am coming after them. Usually you have to wait a few minutes and they will come back, it takes about three tries before they will leave, unless you waited too long and they laid eggs.

 I was waiting for a third pass when I had to pee urgently, it was getting dark, no one was going to see me so I shoved down my shorts and began marking my territory, I was watching the sky not paying attention when I looked down. A giant mosquito had landed on the side of my penis, (hehehe, I said penis) and I could tell it was trying to find the best spot to strike, not the kind of sucking I would welcome, (sorry bad pun). Anyway the penis is not a body part that you would whack, umm slap...... umm let me rephrase that, it's not a body part that you would hit. I grabbed the pest between my fingers.... and then I let it go because it's only doing what our mother earth had intended it to do. No just kidding, I introduced its face to its asshole as I crushed it into molecules. I checked for damages but my penis looked fine, no redness or swelling, something very out of the ordinary for a man's organ. They say it's only the females that bite, big mistake to land on a gay man sister, I am very defensive towards anything that wants to shrink that part of me.

Farewell old truck.

 I sold my Dad's old truck yesterday, it's the only truck that he ever owned. Like many farmers he always wanted a truck but also like many farmers he was very practical, so a car would do, since he had tractors with trailers to use instead of a truck. One day he decided to finally buy one, he was so proud of his new toy, well actually not new but almost new.

 It's a 1989 Dodge ram and it has been all over the countryside. There are a lot of memories tied to the truck, many of the farm dogs rode in the back, the special ones rode in the front, the most loved one spent her life riding shotgun. Almost anything you can think of was hauled in the back, from animals, lumber, groceries, lawnmowers to furniture. Dad wasn't supposed to be eating sweets but he usually had some hidden under the seat. He was excited because it had a tape player in it besides the radio. He kept a stack of tapes in the glove compartment in case of long road trips, most unfortunately I couldn't stand but it was his truck so I didn't complain.

 Dad took excellent care of his truck, in the later years he mostly just used it on the farm, he didn't want to take the chance of breaking down somewhere far from home. We have a second farm actually, it's about a kilometer away so the truck proved handy, the second farm has also been in the family for over a hundred years so we consider it as one farm. I did a lot of driving in the fields with it, I think that is what gave me the confidence to get my license.

 The truck never gave him trouble and he drove it until he died. I drove it for years after as well. The body is still in good shape, it stopped running two years ago and it's my fault mostly, I let it get run down beyond the point of return. A young guy I know, stopped in and asked if he could buy it for parts as he has the same truck. I felt this was the easiest way to part with it as I have no use for it anymore and also I have had many people asking for it which has become annoying.

 I cleaned out the truck of the few things still in it. The stack of tapes were still in the glove compartment, waiting to be played, there were two pens that still worked unbelievably, some small screw drivers and notes that Dad kept, "#of bales from field 6, parts needed for etc etc, call Mr so and so", the usual reminders. Never would he think while scribbling the notes down, I would be reading them nine years after his death. I kept the truck all these years and I didn't realize why until after I sold it Friday. I felt another part of my memories of Dad and happier times, were being taken away again, I felt loss again but it had nothing to do with the actual truck, just the memories that it represented. Goodbye old truck, you served your purpose well.

Happy place, happy place, calm thoughts.

 No... I don't want to talk about it. Moving on, I just needed to really vent last night, sorry for my potty mouth, that was my artistic side expressing my raw feelings to the world, at least that is a good explanation for me to use.

 I am going to try a new sexuality that I just invented, it's like the "straight curious" guys only the opposite, "gay curious". It's gay men dating and having sex with women, just don't call us straight, we don't like labels. It's actually going well, I have already met some really nice ladies, we have so much in common. They like gardening and flowers, I like gardening and flowers, they like dressing up and going out for an evening, I like dressing up and going out for an evening, they like looking at shirtless jocks, I like loo..... no wait... forget that last part, I meant to say sports, I like watching sports, like that one where the guys wearing all one colour try to do something with a ball they rudely take away from the other guys wearing a different colour, anyway that game, I like watching that game.

 I am just having a little trouble figuring out the physical relations part, I thought I would be ok since I never got to do the other too much. The big round squishy things up front I get, some guys have those too only a little more hairy, (well that depends on the woman). I am a bit confused in other places, like did you know women have a second much larger belly button   below the first one?

Dear Universe.....

 Dear Universe, Mother Nature, God, Fate or what ever is running this joint, I would just like to say... YOU - FUCKED - UP! Thank you so much for making me gay (dripping sarcasm), not only did you reduce my chances of finding the right partner from about twenty five percent of the population, to a sliver of about one percent, you also placed me into a category of the most fucked up, mentally unstable, emotionally immature, sexually shallow, untrustworthy, indecisive, passive aggressive, lying, irresponsible group of shitheads that I have ever had to deal with.


 P.S. Don't think I also haven't noticed how you keep almost every rotten dictator alive and healthy well into their old age. So FUCK you!

A Home for Lucky.

 This one is for the animal lovers. While reading another blog today I was reminded of a feel good story that played out two weeks ago regarding one of my roosters. I finished hatching chicks back in June and I no longer needed a backup rooster. The backup is the one waiting in the wings (no pun intended) in case something happens to the breeding rooster. Out of a little sense of superstition, I always name the backup rooster "Lucky" because as long as he is around, nothing bad will happen to the main breeder, if you don't have a backup, some bizarre accident will happen to your rooster and you are left with infertile eggs.

 I have very, very low tolerance for bad rooster behavior, aggression towards me is a big no no but especially towards the girls (hens). Towards other roosters or other animals is acceptable because he is just doing his job defending his ladies. My backup was a nice big black cock, yes my own bbc, no actually he wasn't that big, I just wanted to get to say bbc. I noticed this rooster was a real Casanova, I gave him three girls of his own for company. He was never rough with them, more suave like a real ladies man. He would spill some grain out of the feeder and then pretend he found the mother load, when the girls came over, he would smoothly say, "hey baby since I found all this grain for you, why not give me some sugar in return". He also had the best crow of the two roosters, very Disney perfect crow. I had to remove him from the pens eventually and he would follow me around the farm, just standing there watching me work, like a little kid trying to see what I was doing. Sometimes he would follow the old cat everywhere and I realized that he was lonely, I also realized what a character he had and thought it would be sad for him to end up as soup. I put down my tools one day while he was watching me and said, "I am going to find you a home Lucky, you will make a great pet for someone".

 "Is this my good side Steve", yes Lucky you strike a pose well. I would just like to say to that other blogger, this is a rooster! Seriously a gay man should know c... Usually it's very difficult to find a decent home for a rooster, most people don't mind hens but not a rooster. After weeks of searching I heard about a friend of a friend, she liked having a rooster around but someone had given her a ten pound velociraptor disguised as a rooster and everyone in the family was terrified of leaving the safety of the house. With some negotiations    
the offending rooster was sent to jail to do time with some carrots, celery, onions and potatoes.

I sent her a picture and invited her to come meet Lucky. They hit it off, his character came through. A few days later she came to pick him up, he would have fififteen lonely ladies to attend to. After a couple of days I received an email thanking me, she said that her family loves to sit outside with their morning coffee and watch his gentlemanly interactions with his flock, and they enjoy how he actually likes people. I was thinking, fifteen service calls and a fan club watching the show, you couldn't be more lucky for a rooster.

However Lucky is not completely gone, this is his first wife with his little family.

Wardrobe male-function!

 
 The term wardrobe malfunction is a term most often associated with women and things that go wrong while wearing the latest styles. There are some malfunctions for guys as well and here is a warning for my bros. This will be a little gross so ladies you can talk amongst yourselves, you've been warned.

 Wardrobe malfunction was a phrase that popped up when Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson didn't have the balls to admit to their little stunt during a family viewing football game. The sex fearing American audience was subjected to a breast, many were so traumatized that they couldn't masturbate to porn that evening or clean their guns. The cool Americans (that's the ones reading this) said "meh a boob".

  I had posted about switching to boxers as I find most underwear gives me a wedgie! I guess it's an age thing, I also suspect the seat of my car that I bought two years ago, I use a pillow now. Some nights I have been tempted to pull over, take my pants off and just drive home in my underwear, no I'm not joking.

 Having gotten used to wearing my boxers, I find I wear them more and more often. One day while at home, I was wearing shorts because of the heat. I was playing around on the internet and of course I started looking at hot guys which really aroused me. Now some guys, (me being one), will umm, umm really leak? That's a good word, I "leak" a lot, I mean "a lot"!

 Suddenly there was a car in the yard, it was some friends stopping in for a visit, I was excited to see them (no pun intended) and asked them in for coffee and snacks. While I was getting ready to make the coffee, I felt something wet touch my leg, I thought I must have spilled water on my leg. When I looked down, (remember I'm in shorts) there were long strings of pre-cum stretching down my leg (hey I warned you) from under my shorts to my knee, to my ankle. Shiny and glistening for all the world to see!

 Horrified I looked at my guests who were taking off their jackets and pulling out their chairs, I snapped away before they saw anything, excused myself because "my nose" was running and went to clean up, then grab a pair of pants. Nobody warns you about these things! I went back to my boxer-briefs, I don't normally wear shorts in public but I was thinking about how embarrassing it would feel if that happened in the middle of a mall or out at a restaurant or worse, a family gathering.

 Boxers or briefs, well men you have been warned!

Where do I go from here?

 When I started this blog I was a scared little gay rabbit hiding in my fake straight closet. Talking about it with other bloggers helped me out of my obsessive self-hating frame of mind. Like many gay people admit, you are always coming out but I'm ok with that for the most part now. Trying to meet other gay people and also trying to date is still difficult but it's not something that stresses me the way it used to. Most times it's more annoying than stressful. Before this blog, my sexuality was something that was always gnawing at the back of my mind, like a small sliver stuck in my finger, no matter what I did, it was always there.

Thankfully that has changed, I actually like it when someone asks if I am gay, it's just so easy to say yes and move on. The thing that is bothering me most now, is the realization that I am getting older,  there are changes happening and unlike puberty, they are not exciting. I don't want to become "the old whiner's blog" but the scary thing about getting older is that there is no solution, blogging about it won't help. I email a couple of older blog friends with questions and they depress me by being honest...... lol, it's not the answers that I want to hear. I'm not ready to be old yet, I still feel like a kid some days, although to be honest a kid to me is someone in their twenties. I think I have been lucky so far, I know I look young for my age and I have been lucky health wise but that's not going to last. I was thinking this morning that these days after a good night's sleep, when I wake up, I am stiff and sore and not refreshed like when I was younger. I'm afraid to watch any reruns of the golden girls in case I can relate to the episode. If I was a calendar year, I think I would be the last week of August or maybe that's denial talking, maybe  I'm the second week of September. Darn it!

 Where do I go from here, I will probably blog about issues, I will try not to dwell on them. "Age is just a number" is a phrase young people use as they approach their middle age, I can tell you getting older sucks and it might be just a number but when your number is up, cute little phrases don't work anymore. I now understand why old people are so grumpy.