Monday, March 23, 2020
It's hard to blog about anything at the moment because everything feels tainted by the pandemic. A person almost feels guilty for blogging about something good happening in their life. There is that question in the back of our minds, "how can you write about something so light hearted when so many people are struggling, try to be more respectful". The result is that the virus has infected my blog, so to speak. It's like an elephant in the room at a family dinner.
Take for example, my intention was to eventually write about meeting Mr X, just like I did back when I first met Dan. Not just for the readers but it's also for myself to one day look back on. Unfortunately now however the entire event will forever be tied to covid-19 no matter how I record it. Other little moments have been forgotten in the day to day 24/7 armageddon and that's too bad. The uncertainty of it all is staggering. The loneliness for me is overwhelming, I haven't spoken to another human in a week.. a real human.
The other thing is the feeling regarding loss of control over mom. I can't protect her and she is a sitting target. The Quebec government was smart enough to ban visitors to seniors homes and that will help prevent someone from bringing in the virus. However some of the staff have to work with hospitals as well. All it would take is one slip up and disaster would strike, the virus turns into a raging monster once it gets into a seniors residence. I can't imagine getting a call saying mom is critically ill and not being able to see her, or the thought of her dying alone. The other frightening thought is if the staff fell ill, I wouldn't be able to take care of her, I don't know what we would do and it could get that bad.
There are things I didn't think of, like an older cousin passed away, he was well liked around this area. His family should have been surrounded by other family members and friends saying goodbye, instead they couldn't have a wake or funeral, it's too dangerous. Even small things like getting a hair cut, having your teeth cleaned will be off limits possibly for months.
I will blog about Mr X however, as I will blog about my nature walks now that the snow is melting. Also about how Kitty ventured out of the barn yesterday, (a true sign of spring) and about how my neighbours are doing even though we can't have our usual tea, also the idea I have about growing spinach in the house (hopefully) and the latest book I read. I'm going to do that because that's living, that's life and being stuck in the house worried about a virus lurking around is not healthy. Maybe the blog can be an escape until things can return to something that resembled life before the plague. I will still mention it, I do take it seriously just that it has infiltrated every aspect of my day to day life and I'm tired of hearing about it.