Farewell March.

 Poor March, its happy promise of the coming spring was robbed from it. Instead of a collective sigh of relief that winter was ending, everyone was holding their breath in anxiety of what was about to happen. No one noticed the melting snow, the trickling water, birds returning, days getting warmer. On a personal note, this reminds me somewhat of the spring when we discovered dad was dying, due to the constant sadness, I called it "the spring that wasn't". I worry because for years after, early spring was a sad time of year for my family.

  I wonder if most societies will be scarred for life around this time of year. Spring 2020, a time of death like these generations have never seen before. We should have been fill with excitement for better days ahead... now however, we don't know what is ahead.

 Farewell March, you did your best, it's not your fault but unfortunately March 2020, you will forever be tainted in the history books, as will your sisters April and probably May. In fact you might as well just accept that spring 2020 in the northern hemisphere is not about renewal, it will be about sickness and death. Boy, can you ever tell I'm in a mood eh?

Just not up to it.

 I'm just not up to posting, this plague has taken the joy completely out of life. I try to do things to take my mind off of the virus but it creeps into everything we do. Even going to the washroom for Pete's sake, who doesn't think of COVID 19 while staring at the toilet paper roll! The phone rang, "hello Steven, we regret to inform you that your mother is ill".. great.. that's all I needed to hear. Fortunately it appears that it's not COVID 19. It's either a cold or mild flu. The hard thing is they asked if they could lock mom in her room with a camera on her. I said yes because the alternative is she would have to go to a hospital and I don't want that. She wants to walk around and that would infect everyone else. Yup, mom is sick and locked in her room alone all day, life is a peach isn't it.

 I worry about mom in the home, people still manage to get in to visit. They don't understand that it's better to stay away right now. They think they won't get sick and bring it in. In reality it's usually stupid people like that who spread the virus. A couple of days ago the virus got into a nursing home in Ontario... boom... 9 dead!!!

 The other thing that made my stomach sick and frightened me to the point of not being able to think, was something that happened between Mr X and I. The count down for my boyfriend's quarantine had ended. Naturally we spent the day together and it was nice. However by the end of the following day, he was really ill. Typical for Mr Bean (me) and his adventures. Seriously wouldn't that be typical for me to get the virus.. for him to be healthy right up to the day we reunited and then suddenly fall ill. Fortunately he is feeling much better today, it looks like a flu bug, the symptoms are not that of COVID. It would make sense that I didn't get the flu from him because I always get the shot and he didn't. It does however show you no matter how careful we are, a virus can still infect us.

 They're talking again today about closing the borders between Quebec and Ontario. I'm okay with that, I'm really tired of feeling scared. I have enough food until July, I'll just hide here. I'll text and call my bf like crazy, hopefully absence makes the heart grow fonder. I heard a radio host that I trust, say this morning that things are going to get really bad over the next two weeks in Canada but to not lose hope because things will begin to turn around. Already some people with mild symptoms have recovered, that means herd immunity is starting to build, another way to break the chain.

 Mistress Maddie really cheered me up this morning with a spoof on a scene from The Sound of Music. I haven't felt that good in days. He swiped it apparently from Jon's blog which is all good because I'm going to steal it from one of you two! There... hmmm, maybe blogging does make things feel better. Stay safe everyone.

Sensing something.

 I don't watch tv shows anymore because I find most shows boring and childishly written. I have always liked shows with a different twist to them, character driven shows, good shows that usually get cancelled because people can't follow them or feel uncomfortable with the show.

 Shows like, Six feet under, Looking, Orphan Black, Mary Kills People and many more. I recently have access to Netflix on certain days and lately there is not a lot to do but watch television. Over the last year I kept hearing about a show called Sense8, I decided to try watching a few episodes. I really, really like this show, it's not at all what I was expecting. I thought it was just going to be a gritty version of "Friends" or a bit like "Queer as Folk" something along those lines. However there is a much more complex plot to the show.

 Unfortunately it has already been taken off the air after only two seasons. I'm about five episodes in the first season and I find it getting better and better with each episode.  It also has LGBTQ characters in the show and I appreciate that, I like seeing a more realistic portrayal of society, I like to see myself reflected on the screen.

 Did anyone here watch that show? Does anyone here recommend a show?

Grape soup.

 Well I guess if I'm going to switch to lighter things, then I should mention what I had for bachelor supper last night. "Bachelor supper" is all the crazy things bachelors eat because our mothers are not around to stop us. My favorite one years ago was blueberry pie and chocolate milk.

 Yesterday I was washing a bunch of black grapes, my favorite kind. I used to eat the green or red ones, then one day I tried black and I couldn't go back, just too delicious. As I was washing these grapes, I noticed a bunch of tiny holes, I wasn't sure if they were made while the grapes were being stored or as my imagination began to say, maybe something laid an egg in there. I didn't want to throw them out so I boiled them with a little sugar, like I was about to make grape jam.

 However I had put too much water in and so I accidentally made soup... grape soup. It tasted as good as it sounds, or better than depending on your reaction! I came up with a good idea, I was dipping shortbread cookies in the "soup", they are a little bland to begin with so the grape flavor pimped them up a lot. In fact I ate the entire pot. A much more exotic bachelor supper than my usual peanut butter and honey sandwich, or the tomato/onion special. Hmmm let's see, Thursday's menu... strawberry soup!

Tainted moments.

  It's hard to blog about anything at the moment because everything feels tainted by the pandemic. A person almost feels guilty for blogging about something good happening in their life. There is that question in the back of our minds, "how can you write about something so light hearted when so many people are struggling, try to be more respectful". The result is that the virus has infected my blog, so to speak. It's like an elephant in the room at a family dinner.

 Take for example, my intention was to eventually write about meeting Mr X, just like I did back when I first met Dan. Not just for the readers but it's also for myself to one day look back on. Unfortunately now however the entire event will forever be tied to covid-19 no matter how I record it. Other little moments have been forgotten in the day to day 24/7 armageddon and that's too bad. The uncertainty of it all is staggering. The loneliness for me is overwhelming, I haven't spoken to another human in a week.. a real human.

 The other thing is the feeling regarding  loss of control over mom. I can't protect her and she is a sitting target. The Quebec government was smart enough to ban visitors to seniors homes and that will help prevent someone from bringing in the virus. However some of the staff have to work with hospitals as well. All it would take is one slip up and disaster would strike, the virus turns into a raging monster once it gets into a seniors residence. I can't imagine getting a call saying mom is critically ill and not being able to see her, or the thought of her dying alone. The other frightening thought is if the staff fell ill, I wouldn't be able to take care of her, I don't know what we would do and it could get that bad.

 There are things I didn't think of, like an older cousin passed away, he was well liked around this area. His family should have been surrounded by other family members and friends saying goodbye, instead they couldn't have a wake or funeral, it's too dangerous. Even small things like getting a hair cut, having your teeth cleaned will be off limits possibly for months.

 I will blog about Mr X however, as I will blog about my nature walks now that the snow is melting. Also about how Kitty ventured out of the barn yesterday, (a true sign of spring) and about how my neighbours are doing even though we can't have our usual tea, also the idea I have about growing spinach in the house (hopefully) and the latest book I read. I'm going to do that because that's living, that's life and being stuck in the house worried about a virus lurking around is not healthy. Maybe the blog can be an escape until things can return to something that resembled life before the plague. I will still mention it, I do take it seriously just that it has infiltrated every aspect of my day to day life and I'm tired of hearing about it.

Apocalypse now, right now!

 Today I took the car out for a spin, it's not good to leave it sit idle for too long, especially at this salty time of year.  As I passed through the first small village near me and then a larger one, it felt so surreal. I saw no one. Even the usual people that are always around doing something in their yards had vanished. There were also no other cars on the road. Most people got the message, most people are staying in their homes.

 Unfortunately there is always an idiot in every crowd. Yesterday a woman who is positive for the COVID-19 virus, was arrested. She refused to self isolate, I hope she enjoys her cell. The Canadian government has given a warning, do as we ask or lose liberty and we will make you comply. They are talking about closing the borders between provinces, something that has never been done before, something that has never been imagined before. The border between Canada and the United States is also closed except for goods and supplies, something that also has never been done before.

 I look back at posts and emails from as little as a week ago. I knew it was going to get bad... but even I didn't see it being this bad. Closing the border would be difficult for me. I live in one province but work in another. Most of my friends are in another province, as is my sister. Also frustrating, my boyfriend and I would be separated. I see the irony of this, finally meet a nice guy after all these years and we will be separated. We are already apart, counting down the days until we can reunite... and now this because of a few idiots. They said it could be months.

 At least our governments at all levels are taking this seriously. Actually they are all really doing well, all parties have pulled together and there is a lot of brainstorming to lessen the impact of the virus. Unfortunately there are always clueless people, they worry me. 

People are keeping their distance, my honey bunny was telling me about people sitting around talking in a local park with everyone's chairs three meters (9feet) apart. I'm lucky here, I can get outside no problem. If they do a lock down, people in the city will be confined indoors.

 I was reading about pollution levels rapidly dropping around the world, in the air and water. The world is on hold, this is unbelievable, who would ever think that the economy would shut down worldwide!  It seems the world wide disasters just keep getting bigger, strange days indeed. Sorry everyone, this is just a rambling sort of post, a little dumbfounded to be honest because we have all found ourselves in an apocalyptic or armageddon type of movie, we can't guess the ending or how long the movie runs. Stay in, stay safe people.

And in today's news, COVID-19!

"Good evening everyone, in today's news  COVID-19, COVID-19 COVID COVID COVID COVID COVID and COVID-19. Now over to you Janice!"

 "Thanks Bill, well it looks like COVID-19 COVID COVID COVID COVID COVID COVID COVID COVID COVID COVID COVID COVID COVID COVID-19. Now we will check in with weather. What's the forecast for the weekend looking like Mike?"

 "Well in spite of COVID-19, mostly rain and chances of snow. In other words Janice.. a perfect weekend to stay inside and hide in terror from COVID-19. Sunday will have a little more sunshine but with COVID-19 you are taking a risk going out and possibly becoming infected with COVID-19 and later dying of COVID-19. Sunday could be a good day for us to practise social distancing from COVID-19. Back to you Bill."

 "Thanks Mike, in other news science has learn something new about COVID-19, COVID COVID COVID COVID COVID COVID COVID COVID COVID COVID COVID-19. Now a look at sports with Matt Ballsac. Matt?"

 "Thank you Bill, the NBA has shut down all games due to COVID-19. Some of the players are in quarantine due to COVID-19. In other news the NHL have cancelled all games due to COVID-19 and one player has tested positive for COVID-19. There was an announcement today that COVID-19 will probably cause the cancellation of the summer Olympics. In other sports news one official is quoted as saying, "aaaaaahh! Aaahhh! It's COVID-19!" Now back to you Bill!"

 "Thank you Matt, coming up we will talk to a doctor about COVID-19 and also our financial segment will explain how COVID-19 is destroying everyone's retirement savings. Then COVID-19 COVID COVID COVID COVID COVID COVID COVID COVID COVID COVID COVID COVID COVID. First let's check in with Sarah for your weekend entertainment."

 "Thanks Bill, well this weekend would have saw some interesting movies coming out of Hollywood, if COVID-19 hadn't screwed everything up. All theatres will be closed due to COVID-19. This week in music also sees all concerts and festivals closing down due to COVID-19, basically go home because of COVID-19, lock your doors and watch tv for a year. Over to Janice!"

 "Thank you Sarah, and now this breaking COVID-19 news.. it seems that the world famous writer of this blog has released a statement. In it he is quoted as saying... I look forward to a day when no one has to hear the flipping word [COVID-19] on the news anymore!!!" Stay safe everyone!

Grocery shopping adventures!

 Today I had the dilemma of shopping or not shopping for groceries. I was trying to weigh the pros and cons. I was looking at my grocery list and trying to decide what I could do without for another week or so. Then I was thinking that if things are going to get bad here like in Italy, another week or two would actually be worse. I was thinking that the virus isn't likely to be around this area at the moment, way out here in the country. Even in Ottawa the people testing positive were returning from other countries. It doesn't seem to be in the surrounding communities yet. I decided it's better to go now.

 It felt surreal, all the other shops were closed, there were less than normal amounts of people at the stores. I also noticed the thin amount of traffic on the roads. You could just sense something unspoken, the tension between people trying to keep their distance from each other. The store was nearly empty, unusual for a Wednesday afternoon, I kept expecting a big hairy corona virus monster, to jump out from behind a display and start chasing after me. I went in with my list wondering what I would or wouldn't be able to get.

Broccoli___________check
Baby spinach_____ check
Bread_____________ check
Becel margarine__ NONE
Beans ____________  check
Peas______________ NONE
Spaghetti sauce___ check
Soup_______________check
Dried cranberries_NONE
Fresh fruit________ NONE
Milk_______________NONE
Sunflower oil_____ check
Basil______________ NONE
Juice______________ NONE
Coffee_____________check
Bathroom tissues_ NONE

I got a few extras as well, there is a larger grocery store about ten minutes away so I went there and finished my list. The only things I wasn't able to buy were the bathroom tissues and oddly enough the basil. The toilet paper was also sold out in both stores but fortunately I have plenty. The first store had almost no meat left but the second store had plenty. I couldn't help feeling sorry for the workers, especially the cashiers. They are some of the few people who still have to work and they will deal with dozens and dozens of people every day.

I plan on going into hiding for two weeks now, hopefully Canada is ahead of this thing. I couldn't believe the people out who were coughing.. not only that but not covering their mouth. I also saw an elderly couple buying a few groceries, they were really elderly, possibly in their early nineties! I felt sorry for them, I was tempted to ask if they had children or grandchildren that could shop for them. People over eighty are in great danger from this virus, nearly 20% death rate, they shouldn't have been out.

Where's ME lucky SHAMROCK?

 Leaping Leprechauns what's happened to poor old St Patrick's day? No beer, no bars, no parade, no shenanigans of any sort! This March 17th is about as fun as an income tax deadline. We're mostly staying home with no work, no food and worried about illness, I guess you couldn't get more traditionally Irish than that!

 Even the little people are practicing social distancing, staying away from toadstool rings, old oaks and fairy gatherings. I better stop there, I'm starting to sound like Dr Spo. Fortunately I already had my St Paddy's day a week ago. My neighbour decided to have an old fashion ceilidh.. sounds like "Kay-Lee", it's basically a kitchen party where people bring instruments and play Irish or Scottish tunes. They have tea or something stronger than tea, snacks and lots of jokes. I wore my latest in ceilidh evening wear. It just says Steve!

 As usual a lot of people said they were going to come but didn't show up, everyone is too busy these days. That's okay, I enjoyed myself, one young girl brought a violin, she wanted to connect with her heritage so we had her playing old Irish tunes. She is also a cousin of mine so I was able to tell her stories about her grandparents who I knew well. She told me an interesting story about meeting a boy in her high school, she joked with him about looking very Irish-ish, he mentioned that his grandparents came from my area. When they tried to find out if they were related, the young girl said that they sort of were but not by blood.. by marriage. She told me that her great uncle had married the boy's great aunt and when she told me the names of the great aunt and uncle.. I said that's my mom and dad. It's amazing how connections can suddenly appear.

 An interesting fact recently discovered is that scientists have learned, leprechauns actually poop gold nuggets, so yes... the pot of gold is actually the "potty" of gold.

What's Irish and lays out on the lawn. Patty O'Furniture.

 Fun Facts:
1) The Irish actually invented pizza!
2) Rap music was actually created by Irish people first but it really took off in the African-American community.
3) If a person of Irish ancestry tells you three things in a row, the first two are usually complete lies. Gotcha?

 Anyway whether you are Irish or not, on this day you can dance a little jig, have a little drink and hopefully bring a little smile to yourself and others, because we could all use a little spirit lifting right about now.

Canada: Sorry We're Closed!

 Today at noon our Prime Minister announced that we will no longer be accepting visitors to Canada. The exception being American citizens. I think that was a political move and is a mistake. However there's no point in tourists coming here. They are asking businesses to shut down and close their doors. Basically no special events, no theatre, no concerts, no restaurants, casinos or any type of tradeshows. Unless your dream vacation is sitting in a hotel room eating takeout, I suggest you cancel your travel plans if you are coming here. Prime Minister Trudeau called for all Canadians to "come home now" he said it's time to return home before it's too late and people get stuck in a foreign country, (you just know there's going to be idiots crying on the news in a week or two about this).

The idea is to slow down the spread of the virus so as not to overwhelm the healthcare system. I have to admit that I'm a little spooked. I have an issue where every cold or flu I get, eventually ends up in my lungs and instead of two or three weeks being sick, my illnesses, end up lasting weeks. It loves going after people 50 and other. We had been lucky so far but unfortunately it entered a long term care facility for the elderly and the death toll has hit four already. A staff member accidentally brought it in.

 My mother's residence has banned visitors, I totally understand and agree with that decision, it was actually the provincial government that enacted this. Mom is physically very strong, I worry however as she likes to walk around touching everything and then often puts her hands in her mouth.

 People are thinking this is only for a couple of weeks and then all is good. Unfortunately they don't realize until there is a vaccine, this will go on for months. I wonder how the anti vaccination crowd is feeling at the moment, this is what life would be like without vaccines.

Music stirs the soul.

 This piece of music still invokes strong emotions all these years later. Especially now since I have to be separated from my new guy for awhile :(..

The Deedles Post.

 It's my understanding that yesterday was Deedles birthday. Crap... as usual I'm late to the party! I decided to make it up to her by dedicating a post just to Deedles. Now I know many of you are going to say, "whaaa whaaa, you like Deedles more than us"! Ya so deal with it! Hahaha! In honor of Deedles, everyone is asked to make a traditional Deedles meal, sometime over this weekend. It involves making yourself a salami and grape jelly sandwich and listening to Helen Reddy tunes. Also a little twerking is encouraged.

 My sweetie weetie pie Deedles, thank you for making me laugh, giggle, snicker, guffaw, spit my morning coffee, chuckle, knee slap, funny crying, big smiles, grin from ear to ear, have me saying awww... from all the funny comments you have left on my and other blogs over these last few years!!!

 Sorry I'm late but I want to wish you the Happiest of Happy Birthdays and many many more! I'm so happy to have you as a blogosphere friend! :D

 P.S. Friday the 13th... really Deedles you do know how to be different! Lol

It's official, PEOPLE gone crazy!

 The people of Ottawa have lost their minds! The federal and provincial governments, did suggest that people should have supplies on hand in case they had to stay home for a week or two. However what people heard was that, a zombie apocalypse is eminent and they must hoard supplies to last them for at least five years!!!! Aaaaaah!

 There is definitely a little panic setting in, I can understand that. The news keeps saying to remain calm and yet before every news cast, there is dangerous sounding music thundering out and a deep voice saying Covit 19 emergency coverage... remain calm? Really?  Ottawa had two more cases yesterday, one of them was Prime Minister Trudeau's wife Sophie. Canada also had its first death. The schools are going to be shut down until April, people are going to be working from home when possible, events like the St Patrick's day parade, hockey games etc, etc have been cancelled. The province of Quebec is thinking about closing shopping malls. There was going to be a St Patrick's day dance on Saturday for the LGBTQ community, featuring 70s and 80s music, I was excited about that but now decided not to go, I think it's going to be cancelled anyway.

 Last night I went to get groceries, this was my first experience with people panic, until now things were calm. I like to shop for groceries around 8:00 p.m. because the store is empty. Last night the parking lot was full! Many of the shelves were empty, especially toilet paper, I don't get the toilet paper panic. A couple of small packs last me a year. A lot of the prices have been raised, no sales happening unless it's something people don't normally buy. I realized panic has set in. This morning the radio host was saying to stay away from areas with Costco stores, the traffic into the stores, are blocking the main through traffic flow. It's like black Friday Christmas shopping out there now!

 Even my own situation, Mr X decided to go ahead with his plans and he went to California. Things are changing by the hour, I think that could potentially be a huge mistake. Now they are suggesting to stay away from anyone who traveled outside of the country for two weeks. He is not going to like this, he doesn't feel threatened by the virus. He gets in Saturday afternoon and was hoping to see me Saturday evening. I want to wait, I don't want airport germs!!! This could be our first argument, I do however really really really miss him.

My PSA!

 Unfortunately we learned today of our first covit 19 case here in Ottawa. A forty years old man that had returned from Austria. Apparently he is doing fine and is in self isolation. This is the first case here but definitely it won't be the last. I heard a specialist yesterday saying that we are not taking this serious enough. His point made total sense and was chilling. People get pneumonia all the time, they are hospitalized and may even have to go on a respirator for a while. Hospitals are equipped to handle this however it's usually a few people in a month. What happens when ten people show up at every hospital needing this care, what happens when it gets to twenty... thirty.. fifty... two hundred? Now something simple becomes overwhelming, a place ready to handle five people, can't handle five hundred people. He was saying that's why we need to be cautious and at least slow the spread so that the medical community can keep up.

 I'm not trying to scare you, just it's not helpful when people say there is nothing to worry about. I see many of you have PSA announcements about washing your hands, a straight male friend sent me a good one that I think fits in well with 90% of my readers. I think being from a straight guy, it was just too good not to share. Lol.

 Ummm, yeah that works for me. Also stay one meter or three feet from people when possible. At gay bowling Monday night, everyone was doing the elbow bump instead of shaking hands. Buy lots and lots of toilet paper, I'm not sure why but that seems to be the thing to do. Seriously you should stock up on things like canned or frozen food just to be safe. If your area or you suddenly experience lockdown, at least you have food on hand. Don't panic but treat it like a bad storm coming that will close everything for a week or so, use some common sense. I heard that the virus can live on a surface for over a week so keep in mind not only door handles but shopping carts, cafeteria tables, bank machines, your cellphone, laptops, bus or subway hand rails etc.

 I hope nobody we know suffers from this, hopefully there will be a vaccine soon or it fizzles out. This gives us a glimpse of what could happen with a really dangerous plague, regarding how fast it could spread and get out of control, plus how fast the medical community could be overwhelmed.

Steve's restaurant review.

 Yesterday I was hoodwinked! A certain adorably cute guy that I recently met, tricked me into going to a fast-food restaurant. We went to the American chain called Popeye's, they have only recently opened in Canada. I'm not a fan of the KFC type of chicken places, I haven't gone in years. I was told that Popeye's is not like that. Actually it's not... it's much much worse!

 The entire experience was horrible, from the staff that want the paycheck but don't care about customer service, to the restaurant, to the food that's barely edible, complete garbage. I could even detect the slight scent of live chickens off the meat. I give it the official review rating of "YUCK"! What is it with American restaurant chains, that concentrate only on profits and absolutely nothing towards quality of food. They would love to serve you blobs of salted sugar, fried in grease if they could get away with it... disgusting!

 Afterwards, in order to walk off the grease clogging up our arteries, we went into a large furniture store and walked around. Seriously the merchandise was so hideous, that I think every gay gene in my body fainted simultaneously! It was like an Ikea store had sex with a Tupperware factory and had a secret love child. A certain new friend, asked me what I thought of a couple of items, I would just give him a firm "NO".

Him: "But wouldn't this look good in my..."
Me: "No!"
Him: "Well it is my house after all".
Me: "Still no!"
Him: "Is this how it's going to be, geez we just met!"
Me: "I said no, put it down!"
Him: "Nahww, kinda bossy".
Me: "Sorry but my secret interior decorator won't allow you to buy that, I'm trying to save you." Lol

Cuddly Snuggly Naps.

 Yesterday I spent the entire day with my new "friend", it went really well, better than I could hope for to be honest. I'm starting to feel really bonded to this guy. I had given up all hope of finding a good relationship in the last couple of years, I'm a little stunned at times to be honest. The more I get to know this man, the more I want to know about this man. Sometimes it's the small things that tell me a lot about him, like when we're driving somewhere, he holds my hand, that sends electricity through me like crazy. He loves dogs, and is really kind to his two, they are devoted to him. That tells me volumes being from the country.

 Yesterday we went to a museum and spent most of the day there. One thing that made me feel comfortable about us is that it was just like spending the day with a friend I have known for years. We talked about a lot of things, including getting a lot of uncomfortable issues out of the way. We also laughed, joked, giggled and said ewww at the same creepy crawly things. At one point we were in the giant killer bugs section and I said "I'm good", he looked at me and said "yeah me too" so we skipped it lol. We were finished by two so we went for a treat and then back to his place.

 Once we returned, the two of us were so sleepy, from being out and from the time change as well. Also I couldn't sleep the night before from the excitement of knowing I would be with him again. I had crashed down on his couch. Suddenly this big grin came over his face, he took my hand and said, "follow me". We went to his room, snuggled up and had a nap. I had once joked about wanting to be the little spoon, so he tested that out. We drifted off, I woke up a few minutes later, he was sound asleep. My head was absolutely spinning from being held by someone and hearing him softly sleeping beside me.

 When he woke up, we just lay there snuggling and cuddling the rest of the afternoon, that's something that I have really been missing, the touch of another person. I think it is so important, it's a healthy part of being human.

 This guy makes me dizzy, I said to him again after leaving the museum, "thanks for making this experience romantic". Even while at the museum, he said to me, "I feel like a teenager again", I said there's nothing wrong with that, it's nice to feel like a teenager again. Then later he joked again while cuddling that it now made him feel like an awkward teenager, lol. I said awkward is good. I accidentally said the "b" word, yes... I said "boyfriend" as a description, he just laughed and said " no worries". Then he said, "we hold hands while driving, that's a date, it's safe to say we're dating".

 Another date tonight, we are hanging out with a gay crowd this evening. He was actually supposed to go on vacation this week but the event was cancelled due to the virus and unfortunately he will lose his money regarding the flight ticket. I'm actually relieved that he is not going, I feel bad for him however.

Yes, it's a miracle, I'm dating.

 Time to let the cat out of the bag as they say. Yes I'm seeing someone, I have met a guy I like. I didn't want to blog about it because I wasn't sure how this was going to go. I've had my share of disasters and I just didn't want people feeling sorry for me if it ended after one or two dates.  It feels very "right" I have no confusion regarding this man, there are no thoughts of "do I really like him" or "am I settling for him" none of those thoughts cross my mind, more like "holy cow, is this real"? I'm completely a wreck before each date because this guy does an absolute number on me by just being around me. I'm enjoying these moments, I never thought I would feel this way again.

 I will give you more details later, I'm going to a party this afternoon at my neighbour's house so for now I'm just letting you people know. This all came with my usual Mr Bean moments however, like me on my way to our first official date and "POW" a flat tire on a cold, wind blown day. I called him to cancel and then after I hung up I said many many many many many many many very very dirty filthy bad words... many of them. At other times we would have snow storm warnings and we would have to cancel our plans. In frustration I would call him and we would talk for hours, it would feel like minutes but it would be hours.

 I have to mention another Mr Bean moment that happened last night, it was awkward for a few minutes but fortunately sent us into giggles. He's a really sweet guy and decent. I thanked him yesterday for making this experience romantic and not cheap like a hook up. I want to feel comfortable going forward by making sure I'm not bringing anything "unwanted" into this relationship, yesterday I was looking up the hours of sexual health clinics to get tested. Many of the clinics have in the titles M4M on the websites. Later that evening after dinner, he suggested we go to a museum, this way we could do something where we get to be together and casually chat. I was thinking that museums close at 5:00 and since he had forgot his phone at home we were using my phone. As we typed in "m" for museums, my phone being ever so helpful, began opening up sites like "m4m SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES!!! Male SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED INFECTIONS!!! Men HAVING SEX with men, PERVERTED DISEASED SEX FREAKS NAMED STEVE!!!!!

 There was a moment of silence, I began to explain and he started laughing, he said not to worry that he thinks it's a good idea. Well at least it did open the door to that discussion on the way home and he was pretty open about everything. I think that's a healthy way to start off.

 We are going to spend Sunday together, it's supposed to be a beautiful day. I'm just going to enjoy this part of my journey, it's only new, everyone has their quirks, I have to figure out his (plus minimize mine lol). I'm trying not to worry about a week from now, a month from now, a year from now. Have a good Saturday folks! :D

Then one day.

 It's odd, writing this post is making me feel anxious. There's nothing wrong, nothing to worry about, it's just some thoughts in my head. I'm thinking back to the day of my neighbour's funeral. Life works in odd ways, sometimes I can't help feel the universe is trying to say something to me.

 As the family was entering the church, myself and a friend of mine, were standing at the doors, it's a way of respectfully greeting the family and keeping a breeze from embarrassingly closing the doors on the mourners. Being a large family they had to stop and stand there for a couple of minutes as the priest said first prayers over the coffin.

 Right in front of me where the gay couple I mentioned in an earlier post, you couldn't plan it any better if you were trying to get to me. Standing there I was staring at exactly the relationship I want in life, what I need in life and I felt so alone in those few seconds. I don't need a Hollywood love story, I just need a partner in life, snuggled up on the couch together watching a movie is all the romance I need. I'm looking for togetherness and not a dating adventure. I watched as people spoke softly to the couple, there was no difference in their treatment, good people don't care anymore who you are with, good people are just happy for you.

 That night and the next day was what really pulled me down.  I'm a realist, as I get older, I become less hopeful of meeting someone. I suddenly felt this wall of despair like never before, that I will never feel love again, that I will never find a decent guy again. That I will just keep going through a file cabinet of flakes until I find someone that is the least flakey and maybe learn to live with it.

 Having that outlook begins to wear you down, you don't notice it at first but one day you realize that you care less about things and that you gave up on yourself at some point. Life begins to look bleak future wise because every day looks like it will be the same old, same old, you hide it from everyone but you begin to feel dead inside.

 Until one day... then one day that all changes, the clouds begin to break, the sun begins to shine, you have no clue what is happening at first, you're a bit shocked and in disbelief to be honest. You start to recognize what's happening, you try to pinch yourself awake but it's not a dream. You find yourself on one of life's roller coasters and you are about to excitedly plunge into the unknown, suddenly a simple smile can nearly take the legs right out from under you and you begin to care about the small things in life once more but most importantly you feel alive again... you feel alive again.

Goodbye JP, you little ass!

 RIP Myhusband&I, yes another blog bites the dust and even worse it has been deleted, like it never existed. That's the hard thing about the blog community, we come to enjoy people and almost think of them as friends. Unfortunately some people no longer feel up to blogging and quit, which is perfectly understandable, yet we will still miss them. For my fellow bloggers, I would suggest not deleting your blog, at least for a little while, not because of my wishes but because one day you may want to look back. I almost did delete my blog when dad died and I broke up with my boyfriend. I'm so glad now that I didn't, I enjoy going back and reading about things I had completely forgotten about.

 Sadly so many past favorite blogs no longer exists. Some of those posts were well written and it is almost like a work of art has been destroyed. However I fully agree that your blog... is your blog so do as you wish.

 Thank you JP for letting us into your crazy, comical and loving life. We will miss your antics of eating in bed with Guido and your story telling abilities that drew us in. As a single gay man that was feeling hopeless about romantic relationships, you gave me that much needed hope of some day finding my own. Wishing you nothing but the best going forward in everything you gentlemen do.

THANK YOU.

 Friday I received a card in the mail, I was trying to think if there was a special occasion coming up. When I opened the envelope it was a thank you card from the family of the older neighbour who had passed away.

 I thought that was sweet of them, inside to my surprise was a full letter of appreciation for the help I provided to the family. A very touching letter to be honest. Touching because I felt that they noticed what I was trying to do, to help give a sweet woman a deserving send off.

 My dad did the same thing for years, I have been helping out for the last ten years. The truth is I'm not doing it for the church, it means nothing to me. Priests come and go, bishops come and go but the people are my friends, family and neighbors. Sometimes neighbors are more like family than actual family in small towns. The elderly people I feel have earned the right to have a beautiful send off and I do it for them. It's not because I think they are watching me and are pleased, I'm actually an atheist for the most part, so I believe they are gone, really gone and can't possibly know that I helped at all. Without saying then, I also don't believe angels are taking note of my good deed that day. Also I feel the family shouldn't have to worry about problems, they should be just concentrating on comforting each other. People did these same good deeds for us when dad died.

 Besides just the simple things like opening church doors etc during the procession, the grave site needs to be prepared and carefully marked out. What a disaster if something was out of line and some sort of mix up happened. Not terribly difficult, just a little attention to detail; however nobody wants to do it.

 The sad truth is there are no younger people helping out, they don't want to be bothered. I felt compelled to step in. However once the older people who contributed greatly when they were young are all gone, I will be finished. I'm not the only one who quietly gives up their free time to help, there are a few of us and sadly the key word is few.

 As I was saying, I don't do it for any other reason than it just feels like the right thing to do. My way of saying goodbye to people who gave me cookies, pretended to steal my nose, smiled broadly when they saw me coming, pony rides, car rides, funny stories and my whole life were always around, until one day they weren't. I don't do it for praise but the touching Thank You meant a lot to me. It was totally unexpected; however not trying to sound like I'm looking for a compliment, I feel that is completely wrong, I just realized that over the last ten years of helping out families, this is the first time anyone has ever sent a note to say "thank you".