Wednesday, July 3, 2019
No peeking... maybe.
Old habits die hard I guess but it's funny how growing up in a straight world will shape a gay person. I happen to click on a blog and there were pictures of nude men, big grins on their faces, displaying the goods. My first reaction is to look away or be startled. Years of "training" still to this day will kick in, a picture of a naked man is bad, weird... even gross. Unlike a picture of a naked woman, that's totally normal and just part of life. Especially when only men are around, then you can even display them, actually you become the weirdo if you have a problem with it.
I still for a split second have to tell myself, "it's ok to look, you're gay, the guy wants you to look, that's why he posed for the pictures". I feel like I'm invading his privacy, like I'm doing something wrong. It only lasts now for a nano second but it's still there.
Mowing the lawn on Monday I was doing some deep thinking, it's a good time to deep think, the job is mundane, I have ear plugs in and fortunately I have a riding mower. The thought suddenly occurred to me, "geepers" how crazy is this whole straight-gay thing! From being bullied to the places where people are killed for being gay. I'm defined as a homosexual, I hate that label. I'm just a guy named Steven, I'm not "a homosexual". I do all the same day to day crap as most people and just because of who I love or how I want to have sex, then I have to be placed in a different category from most other people, even looked at as a second class human by some. I'm not homosexually mowing the lawn, feeding the cat or going to work. I'm not different from other people and yet I am; however everybody is different in their own unique way. How did one little thing turn us into these monsters lurking in the shadows.