Sunday, June 30, 2019
Today marks ten years since my father's death. I had kept thinking that maybe I should do something like a family dinner or something along those lines. However I felt that would be pointless actually since mom wouldn't be able to attend and my sister probably wouldn't want to come. My sister was always very close to dad and has never been the same since he died.
A neighbour dropped in to say he was thinking about me today and to wish me well on this sad anniversary. I felt that was really thoughtful, very typical for him and it picked up my spirits. He grew up on a neighboring farm so he has known dad all his life. I couldn't help thinking this morning that ten years ago dad was alive and as afternoon approached, that he wasn't. I don't know what the significance of ten years really means if anything, it's like a last milestone, once past this number... then counting years becomes silly I guess.
I decided to go visit mom to see how she is doing. Thinking of dad in regards to mom, on Friday morning when I got the call that mom could have a heart attack, I remember having the feeling that I will never see her again. That memory came back from when dad died, an overwhelming drowning feeling that I will never see him again. As much of a strain mom's care can be and even though most of "mom" is gone, the thought that I would never see her again broke my heart.
Mom is doing fine, I found her in the sitting room, snuggled under a blanket relaxing in a reclining chair. She just had snack time, she seemed quiet today, not very talkative, the nurse said everything has been normal since Friday and that mom was her usual self.
One week, one month, one year, one decade, unbelievable to us. I didn't mark the occasion today, I didn't go to dad's gravesite, I rarely do because to me Dad is not there. He's not coming back and sometimes I feel the young people today have a better idea, instead of a sad funeral, they have a celebration of life for the person. That sounds better, I would rather think about the time he cooked a frozen pizza upside down on a cookie sheet, than pointlessly mourn for him. I remember my aunt, who had been widowed many years, saying to us at the time, "you never get over losing someone special, you only get used to it".
Posted by Sooo-this-is-me at 10:39 PM
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Your aunt is right. It's been 19 years since my dad passed away. And yes, we celebrated his life. So yeah, we had a party with friends and family. It made his death a little easier to handle.
I always say 'it never gets better, it does get easier.'
My mother passed away 12 years ago, and for many years I talked about her on the anniversary of her death until someone pointed out that it was a depressing day. Now, I remember her on her birthday, and it feels better.
It's clear you had a special relationship with your father. You will always have your cherished memories.
Leanna, a lot of people are doing that now and some even left instructions to not have anything, just scatter their ashes and continue on.
Bob, that sounds like a better idea, I have enough sad days with mom, I don't need to keep creating more.
Richard, yes I try to remember the good times. Even when I dream of him now, it's always back when I was younger, thankfully I don't dream about when he was ill.
I was wondering why you are up so early but I then I realized you have to work today. It's a holiday here today!
"you never get over losing someone special, you only get used to it". Your aunt gave some wise words. My dad died in 1992 and I still have periods of sadness about it. Happy Canada Day!
Michael, I often repeat those words to people struggle with loss and are coldly told to "get over it".
Thanks for the HCD! :)
Hugs to you, Steven. Anniversary dates of sad occasions are difficult.
Debra, unfortunately as we get older there seems to be more and more but that's life.
Unhappy anniversary? My condolences? What is the appropriate salutation here? Usually people say "happy anniversary" but that seems like exactly the wrong thing to say.
I think having a celebration of your dad on his birthday sounds like an excellent idea.
It was indeed thoughtful for your neighbor to drop in like that. You have more of a support network up there than maybe you realize.
Old Lurker, maybe "unhappy death day"? I don't know, I usually just give the other person a chance to talk about their loved one, I think that helps a little.
Nope you are wrong Mr Lurker, I am well aware of my supporters out here and I have some great people who look out for me. I will miss them when I move.
It’s so sweet you remember your dad like this. And the nice neighbors are a very lovely touch.
Anniversaries are always kinda bittersweet when it comes to our parents, no?
Sixpence, I think if he passed now, we could accept it more, he would be in his eighties and would have lived a full life. I always felt he was taken away too soon because of the good shape he was in at the time. I guess that's life.
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