Tuesday, June 4, 2019

Gay card rescinded!

 I received an upsetting letter in the mail yesterday, it seems that during pride month, the gaystablishment has decided to rescind my gay card. Apparently I'm not gay enough and they feel I could be one of those "straight curious" guys that has infiltrated Homolandia or Gaydonia and I must be stopped. They listed my suspicious behaviour and beliefs.

1) I like dressing in blue, black, brown, grey, white (shirts only) and unforgivable... beige!

2) I'm not a fan of little fluffy yapping dogs with bows in their fur. That's not a dog.

3) I have never watched anything with Rupaul in it, I only know who he is from watching "Match Game".

4) I like to clean up once in a while but I have no interest in fashion, more than $50 for a shirt is too much.

5) I don't own anything with a rainbow on it, glitter, sparkles or hearts.

6) I find Sam Smith songs all sound the same... like he is about to start crying and wailing.

7) I have never seen Modern family, I didn't care for Game of Thrones and I hate Grey's Anatomy with a passion.

8) I have never tried gin, a martini or a cappuccino.

9) I haven't had sex since Reagan was shot, well at least it feels that way!

10) I would rather listen to country music than house music, actually I would rather go to a dentist than listen to house music.

11) A gay person would never go past ten on a list.

12) I kill all my own spiders and I don't scream while doing it.... anymore.

  They sent out a squad of lesbians to try and take my card away from me by force, I defeated them by answering the door while holding a bible and saying, "oh fantastic, come in while I tell you all about this wonderful book"! They ran off for some reason.


Sixpence Notthewiser said...

Ok. So let’s see:
1. Guilty. You just described my colors.
2. Guilty. I don’t own a pet and I think I never will.
4. Guilty. I rather enjoy clearances.
5. Guilty. I would like to, though. I like sparkles. And hearts.
7. Guilty. No, no and no.
8. Guilty. I don’t drink. I do like sex and rock and roll tho.
9. Guilty. Wait what.
11. What?
12. Guilty. I hate creepy crawlers

Do you really have a Bible? I had a Book of Mormon somewhere. I stole from a hotel cause I guy I liked wrote his phone number on it.
Does this mean I’m not gay? Steve, what have you done!


John Going Gently said...

I only agree with 5

Richard said...

You can come to Pridefest in Denver as we welcome everyone.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Sixpence, lol I was expecting you to disown me after this, I wasn't expecting a kindred spirit. No I don't own a bible, I own many bibles, I was raised Catholic remember. Too bad you didn't live closer, we could help each other out with number nine! No just kidding :D

Sooo-this-is-me said...

John, well everyone now knows what to send you next year for your birthday! :)

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Richard, oooh do you have gay cowboys on horseback? That would be so hot, I would dress up like a cow and stampede up and down the street.

Tio Walter said...

Well, except for #3 and #9 I'm with you. I should turn my card in too.
But given your answers, I'd be happy to date you and do something to help you with #9.
Carry on!

Deedles said...

Oh so many! I had to give up my Black card just because of number 10!

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Don't kid yourself. Those lesbians didn't run away. They simply retreated to a safe place where they are biding their time. Sleep with one eye open from now on.

Old Lurker said...

If Game of Thrones or Gray's Anatomy are gay shows then the human race is doomed, because we have officially run out of straight people. Same with Modern Family, actually.

I agree with Debra. You don't think lesbians give up that easily, do you? It would be best to surrender your card voluntarily.

Mistress Maddie said...

Not to worry, once were married, you'll get your card back.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Walter, I've seen your pictures, you don't have to date me, you could just help a buddy out... at least two or three times over a weekend! ;p

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Deedles, are you sure it's only because of number ten? I think your choice of sandwich might influence that decision as well! Grape jelly and salami... huh?

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Debra, I'm not so sure, they were running away screaming something about misogyny and patriarchal something something.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Lurker, apparently "the gays" love those shows.
They will have to pry the card from my moisturized hands! There's no way I'm giving back the cassette deck!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Maddie, good but can we start with number 9 and work our way to other numbers

anne marie in philly said...

cripes, MY gay card should be revoked as well.
and I'mma str8!
I MIGHT get to keep the card cause I like gin.

Deedles said...

Steven, you sandwichist! Such bigotry against lunch food!

Bob said...

1) Beige?Honey? No. No. Anything but beige.

2) We have a little dog who is not fluffy or yappy or wears clothes.

3) Watch Ru. She's fabulous!

4) This one hurts. But, you know, my wardrobe consists of high-end stuff as well as blazers I've gotten for 50-cents at Goodwill.

5) I have various shades of Mardi Gras beads, but that's the extent of my rainbow ... except fr our Pride flag.

6) I agree, Now Adele, on the other hand, melts me.

7) I have seen Modern Family, I've never seen Game of Thrones or Grey's Anatomy.

8) Sorry, Mistress, I am not afan of the gin, but a cool Ketel One Martoonie, yes; and we have a Cuban version of cappuccino every morning.

9) I had sex with Reagan while he was being shot. Well, that was a nightmare, but still ....

10) I don't do country or house or rap;sorry.

11) I have nothing here.

12) I have Carlos kill all bugs and I still scream while he does it. Sue me.

But that's just me!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Deedles, it's not that I wouldn't be pro-sandwich, it's just that I'm anti-indigestion.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Bob, love me some beige pants or nice spring jacket!
I didn't like Adele's last album compared to the first two. When she had throat surgery and quit smoking she lost that sexy gravel from her voice. Plus I didn't find the songs that good. Have you heard Lauren Daigle's song "You Say" I thought it was Adele lol.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Deedles nighty night! Your form is in the mail, it's universal.

Mistress Maddie said...

Are you kidding me? #9 is what Im best at😜😜😜😜😜😜

Old Lurker said...

That's mean, Deedles. Neha is a bot with thoughts and feelings like the rest of us. She (?) wants to contribute to making fun of Steven like the rest of us, but has limited vocabulary and a limited grasp of social interaction, so tends to say the wrong thing at the wrong times. We should not pick on her (?) for having a disability. Instead we should structure our conversations so that her (?) contributions make more sense.

Mind you, I don't understand how Blogger makes it so hard to ban her (?)? In Wordpress you can just block the sender.

Deedles said...

Dearest Neha, I am so sorry to have hurt your lack of feelings! Old Lurker has set me straight, the little sweetheart. We could be sisters like Celie and whatsherface from The Color Purple! We seem to have the same personality traits, though I'm not at all into sex slav....I mean escort services. I suppose one can learn.

Okay, somebody stop me now!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Maddie, that's what I was hoping! Plus remember, we don't want the Lad to be hurt or feel left out, I'm not mean like that... so bring him along!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Deedles, I have become extremely vexed with that bot, did you know we have a parasite up here called a bot, creepy little thing but they usually only go after cattle and horses. I don't feel that I should have to change my comments section so I go after her/him/it and report it to google, I think that's what stopped it for a few days but round two!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Lurky, I wonder the same thing about banning, I suspect they get something out of it. I'm trying to get rid of it.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Deedles.. STOP! There better? I decided not to treat it as a joke anymore considering that escort services in those areas are noted for kidnapping and enslaving young women and girls. I don't doubt that is the hidden meaning behind sending it out around the world.

Old Lurker said...

Good point about the sex trafficking.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Lurker, it's annoying that the site seems to be protected.

Ur-spo said...

There is a Romanofsky and Phillips song on this.

I stick with the conviction so long as your do one or two basic gay pastimes your gay card is sound. the rest is just glitter.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Dr Spo, I do love flowers, I like ABBA and I can't stand sports on tv. I think that should nail it!