Tuesday, June 4, 2019
Gay card rescinded!
I received an upsetting letter in the mail yesterday, it seems that during pride month, the gaystablishment has decided to rescind my gay card. Apparently I'm not gay enough and they feel I could be one of those "straight curious" guys that has infiltrated Homolandia or Gaydonia and I must be stopped. They listed my suspicious behaviour and beliefs.
1) I like dressing in blue, black, brown, grey, white (shirts only) and unforgivable... beige!
2) I'm not a fan of little fluffy yapping dogs with bows in their fur. That's not a dog.
3) I have never watched anything with Rupaul in it, I only know who he is from watching "Match Game".
4) I like to clean up once in a while but I have no interest in fashion, more than $50 for a shirt is too much.
5) I don't own anything with a rainbow on it, glitter, sparkles or hearts.
6) I find Sam Smith songs all sound the same... like he is about to start crying and wailing.
7) I have never seen Modern family, I didn't care for Game of Thrones and I hate Grey's Anatomy with a passion.
8) I have never tried gin, a martini or a cappuccino.
9) I haven't had sex since Reagan was shot, well at least it feels that way!
10) I would rather listen to country music than house music, actually I would rather go to a dentist than listen to house music.
11) A gay person would never go past ten on a list.
12) I kill all my own spiders and I don't scream while doing it.... anymore.
They sent out a squad of lesbians to try and take my card away from me by force, I defeated them by answering the door while holding a bible and saying, "oh fantastic, come in while I tell you all about this wonderful book"! They ran off for some reason.