Thursday, December 14, 2017
Oops, did it again.
The other day I was working/chatting with a friend in our local cemetery, a usual day for me as I am a volunteer on the graveyard committee. We were taking measurements for an older neighbour, he is still alive but as he said, at 83 it never hurts to be prepared. I love the practicality of country folks. While we were marking out headstones, I commented that someone who is gay was worried about their partner not being allowed to be buried with them since this is a Catholic graveyard. I wanted to see what my friend would say. He just kind of huffed and said that it was nobody's business who gets buried in a person's plot once it has been paid for. I said there could be trouble but he reminded me that there are couples buried together that were never married and some had gone on to join other religions after buying plots. I felt better knowing there are allies on the committee. He mentioned another neighbour's son who also recently bought two graves, one for him and the other must be for his longtime boyfriend. ............................................. There we were, two guys quietly taking measurements, staking out plots, casually talking about gay people we know.... and I could have just calmly slipped in a little "me to" but I didn't. It was a perfect moment and I purposely skipped the moment, so it made me think a lot after about the "why not" why didn't I say anything. I think I still feel like I'm giving up some form of power by revealing that secret. I also think I am a little embarrassed about being gay, maybe not ashamed of being gay but more embarrassed by being different, by drawing attention to my sexuality and who I date, no matter how small that attention would be. It's a little annoying as well, that I would even have to have a conversation about my sexual preference but I feel some of my friends here are thinking about setting me up with someone. I don't want to be put into that awkward moment. I have a feeling when I finally do tell people, they are going to say they already suspected that I was. At least this time I didn't feel like crying so I guess that's progress lol.