Friday, December 8, 2017

Outcast, of the Outcasts.

I have always been a loner, it's not something I worked towards, it's just who I have always been. I have never had a best friend, even people who thought they were close to me, probably only knew about one third of who I am. Dating Dan was probably the closest thing to a best friend I ever had. I always thought my being solitary was because I am gay, that my sexuality was a barrier to me fitting in with the rest of the herd. Yesterday while chopping wood (doesn't that sound manly) I came to the realization that I am disconnected from other people, not because I'm gay but because that is just my weird and quirky personality. Even when I meet other gay people, I don't connect with them. I had thought at one time, once I met other gay folks, everything would fall into place for me and I would be accepted into the gay fold. It made me laugh a little to think about being an outcast (so to speak) even amongst a group that used to be outcasts, typical for me.

12 comments:

Mistress Maddie said...

Interesting post. I have wondered why the gay community would shun anyone since the whole thing was an outcast at one time. I can go both ways. While I'm very social, I can snap into a recluse very easily....especially come winter. I am very independent though.....and I need my time to myself at times.

John Going Gently said...

You are what you are
A gay loner who chops wood

Old Lurker said...

I certainly hope that "good with an axe" is on your dating profile.

Anonymous said...

You are what you are and that's okay. I have never chopped wood in my life!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Steven, yes winter is more isolating, some days I almost feel trapped. I would like to be more social but that is just not my personality.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

John, yes just weird but I also bake cookies!

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Mr Lurker, I am also on a cemetery committee, so "no"... I felt that " good with an axe and hangs out around a graveyard" were things that I should probably leave off a dating profile.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Michael 54, I'm a lumber jack and I'm ok, I sleep all night and I work all day.

Ur-spo said...

Ready?
First of all 'outcast' means you've been kicked out of a group, rejected in some way.
You are describing yourself as a lone type. Nothing wrong with that really. Some feel quite comfortable that way.
You have a propensity to take your traits and see them as a worry or (worse) pathology. poor fellow stop doing that.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Ummm, ok but that pretty much ends this blog then! I am an outcast, cast out, driven away, rejected, unwanted.... sniffle :( I'm alright, just practicing my being dramatic. Dr Spo don't you see I made a self discovery, I'm not weird because I am gay, I'm weird because I'm just weird!

Ur-spo said...

Oh but I love weird ! I love insight!
And I love you and your blog! Do not dare to stop it.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Thank you Dr Spo. For the most part I like being a little different, I just need to work on fitting in a little better. That's my problem and not other people, I find most people are open to a friendship.