Thursday, December 21, 2017
Santa is on drugs!
In the never ending quest for companies to cash in on Christmas, I think I just saw a new low. Instead of leaving out for Santa some cookies and milk, one company that manufacturers pain medication recommended leaving out some pills. It's supposed to help with any back pain or muscle soreness. Yes, leaving out drugs where little children will be running around excited with candy and toys, what could ever go wrong! That's really $ick you $upid idiot$ ............................................... Can't you just see it, after a few houses like these, Santa would be feeling no pain. I can see him after a few years of this new trend, coming down the chimney and heading straight into everyone's medicine cabinet, cold sweat running down his face. Rushing into little Cindy Lou's bedroom, "Santa is edgy, he's feeling rotten, please tell old Santa, where the heck is mommy's oxytocin"! Imagine poor Santa, stumbling around, knocking over Christmas trees, stepping on gifts, slurring his speech "woh whoo ho", the perfect Santa for modern times. Later we would read how he was sleeping around with sketchy women behind Mrs Clause's back, he had to be treated for an infection from a tattoo on his arm, the reindeer were taken away from him because of neglect, verbal abuse allegations regarding a drunken stupor on the shop floor and finally Santa missing one Christmas due to being checked into rehab. What is next, Santa taking Viagra? Unmerry Christmas drug company, I hope your sales go as low as your ethics!
Posted by Sooo-this-is-me at 10:52 AM
Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)
Holy shit, that IS a new low! Your post made me laugh, though. :)
I'm so living in the wrong time period. A fact I mourn daily. I need decorum, manners ettiquete and dress in up with style and class.....and lots less nonsense.
No way. You're in Canada, right? That kind of crass isn't supposed to exist there! It's bad enough that Coke co-opted Santa (and BTW, Coke and cookies...Ewwww) but a pharmaceutical??? The ad guys must have been high when they came up with the concept, and must have presented it to the suits as a prank, only much to their horror to be taken seriously by the money men with no sense of the absurd.
I prefer to think that the creatives who foisted this upon us are allowing this to reach mass market as a sign of the apocalypse. Now is the time for decent men and women to rise up call bullshit on rampant capitalism.
Sorry, I'm write this while sipping my second vodka tonic. I'm fantasizing. Nobody will actually get off their couches and take it to the street.
Why in the world do you think Santa would be monogamous? They guy already has a list of where all the Naughty housewives live, and he has the supernatural ability to sneak down chimneys even though he is fat. The only question is whether Mrs Claus consents or whether she merely puts up with it, as Hera did with Zeus.
Also: If I had to stay up all night delivering presents I would be amped up too. A few stashes of meds here and there would not be out of place.
Jennifer, I'm warning you Santa is angry, he's having a fit, you made the naughty list, because you said holy.... sssay that reminds me I was supposed to get my apple crumble recipe to you but so far it's a fail, I can't repeat my baking brilliance. Stay tuned for my upcoming Christmas oatmeal cranberry cookies, those are easy to make and so good.
Mistress Steven, manners and decorum out the window, ugh and how about a little class! I am going to scream the next time someone at work talks about their body functions during lunch!
Vivian, lol yes to ewww regarding coke and cookies! If you don't drink it for years and then have some, it tastes like the smell of paint thinner! Don't apologize, I agree with you, people usually do nothing, unless it becomes a trend, then they become evangelicals about it. Now you made me want a glass of wine.
Speaking of being on Santa's naughty list, hello Mr Lurker! He is supposed to be monogamous because he is also know as Saint Nick! Unless he's giving out all those toys from a place of guilt, thinking he may have fathered many of the children. How many times must I remind people, in gayland, Santa is not fat, he's a bear!
One of my favorite memories of christmas is the following:
Father suggested one christmas eve we don't put out the usual cookies and milk but beer and pretzels. He said Santa will be full pu and the difference would be welcome and likely to give us a special thank you gift. Mother was appalled. Because she was so against it we kids thought this worth trying. Indeed, we got a splendid thank you gift of a popcorn maker. Ever since we have left out pretzels and some sort of snort - usually brandy but now bourbon.
Dr Spo, one year my dad said we should leave out coke and some of mom's fruit cake, so we did. The next day I asked for a glass of water and dad went to use the same glass, he said first we should check for whiskers, mom could see the horrified look on my face. She said not to use the glass after a stranger drank out of it, this made us think Santa had to be real for sure!
Post a Comment