Sunday, October 22, 2017
When the Gods Weaken.
Last night my neighbors invited me to go on a haunted walk with them. There is a lake side, bed and breakfast close to me and every fall they hold a haunted walk through trails in the forest. It was actually fun, I got to feel like a kid again. I was enjoying it in a detached, mature, adult way, until the guy with a chainsaw stepped out of the darkness and started the thing right beside me. Suddenly I was at the front of the group and don't remember how I got there. I joked with one of the owners later, if you find someone's heart in the bush, it's probably mine since it jumped out. ....................................... The other interesting thing that happened was the group I was with brought along some of my older cousins, they were up at their cottages for a last beautiful weekend of sunny weather. Some I haven't seen for a while. In their mid to late fifties, I felt a little sadness because time was winning the war against them. One of my cousins reminded me of my grandfather, his looks, the way he spoke and certainly that same sense of humour. I don't mean in an elderly way and it was also comforting as I miss my grandfather, but I can imagine now what my grandfather looked like in his fifties, shifting from the handsome young farmer to the role of grampa. For my cousins as well I felt a sadness, these guys were like gods to me, tall, handsome, popular, athletic but not jerks about it. Everything I wished I was, not some shy, awkward, clumsy, skinny kid. I remember once feeling very gay (lol), when between hockey games they stripped down to nothing but their long underwear, changing into dryer clothes in front of me. That site stayed in my head for a long time, also I insisted my mom buy me the same type of cotton long underwear since it was very cool looking long underwear, as cool as long underwear can be that is. I wanted to be like them. ............................................. Now here they were standing before me, I could see the elderly men they were about to become, I see my path as well, I think that is why I am more aware of people aging now. I no longer felt a sense of awe looking at them, I just saw some guys, they had lost the super powers I had assigned to them. The sense of time slipping away I have to admit, is probably the scariest feeling that I got from the haunted walk.