Sunday, October 15, 2017

Blame the victim?

When I was in my late teens, I went to a mall one day and after a while I sat down to relax for a minute. Keep in mind that when I was 20, people thought I was 15 or 16, so you can probably guess how young I looked when I actually was 15 or 16. Long story short, a much much older man troll tried to get me to go with him, he even said something about a van outside. I was so frightened but I never told a person until I was in my thirties. The reason I didn't say anything was because typically young people blame themselves. Did I somehow let him know that I am gay, was I too friendly, did I send a wrong signal? I felt people would blame me for sure. ............................................. I was thinking about this because of the scandal happening in Hollywood, actresses coming forward with allegations of sexual assault. The thing that upset me is I heard a lot of comments regarding many of those actresses being famous now and they said nothing, also comments stating that they stayed silent so that they could advance their careers. Even some implying a form of prostitution. I can see some of these points but why is the blame going on these women, the talk of fault should only be mentioned while using the name of the person that did this. Mostly I feel upset because of something a female commentator said. She said that it's typical for society to blame the victim when it is a woman. I totally agree with her, how much power does some unknown 16 year old aspiring actress have. Then years later who wants the embarrassment, because even if they did come out, people would still be blaming them as they are now. Mostly to my point let's compare apples to apples, famous males who were sexually assaulted. There are now some retired hockey players who have come forward, some wrote books, I am sure that there are other guys in some of the other sports who are doing the same. They spoke about having to perform sex acts for coaches etc from a young age, they felt they had no choice, that their careers would be finished. I don't ever recall someone saying that they were like a prostitute, exchanging sex for career advancement. I don't remember anyone saying the only reason they are coming out now is because they are retired and it won't hurt their bottom line, I don't recall anyone saying they were cowards for waiting so long and that any young people harmed will partly be their fault. I certainly do recall the men who harmed them being viewed as sick monsters. I also read an article last summer that shocked me, it was about this very thing happening in the military and how guys were given the choice, have sex with the person above you or end your career. Do we judge those guys, no one said they should be stronger because they are a soldier. It is so wrong to judge these women, we don't know what we don't know, even worse, you are judging that frightened young girl from years ago.

4 comments:

mistress maddie said...

I very interesting post from the male perspective, and rarely heard about. The stories I could tell. But one comes to mind. Long story short, when I first came out, I was at a pride festival and met a guy. That night out, I ran into him again, talked a bit and later he invited me to his place, only to find out he had a partner. Well, being just out I thought a three way would be fun. We had a repeat performance several times. Three years later I applied for a job. Turns out the HR manager was one of the two guys. He didn't even make me jump the hoops others went through. Had the threesome not ever happened, makes me wonder would I have even got the job??? So this make me wonder how many do these things to get a job or keep them. Other jobs I have had, several guys have either called back and asked for me, or grab themselves for a "hint of hook up". How do they even know your gay???? Pretty bold you ask me.

Anonymous said...

Well stated. Thanks for your post and your comments. These women shouldn't be judged.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Those guys were really rude, calling to talk is ok but to just grab themselves at your work place, weird. I don't doubt a lot goes on.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Michael 54, thanks for the feedback. A situation none of them asked to be in.