Friday, March 10, 2017
I'm a Stat
The other day while reading an article on men's health, they quoted a statistic saying that much higher numbers of gay men live in isolation, compared to straight men who tend to have a partner or family. They said because of this gay men have a higher risk for mental health problems like depression. I don't feel like going into it at this moment but to be honest I'm having some hard days lately and I can understand this point. Not counting how crazy things got near the end of my taking care of a parent with Alzheimer, at least for a while I wasn't alone. The stupid thing is a lot of gay people are lonely and at some levels maybe even hurting but they are so inflexible and stubborn that they have imprisoned themselves. Some days I just want to smack all the guys past thirty five and tell them to get over themselves, Ryan Gosling is not going to show up to date or hangout with them. It's about who cares for you, who shows up when you need help, who suddenly thinks about you out of the blue, life is definitely not about how big someone's thing is. .............................................. I often wonder about this because on many different levels I isolate myself, even though it's completely the opposite to what I really want. Now it seems according to this article that it's a gay man's quirk. The disappointment in trying to meet guys is the constant realization that the only thing most guys want is to hook up with me. Maybe that's why I hear so many stories about guys becoming friends or boyfriends after hooking up, maybe sex has become the gay man's "hello", maybe it was always that way and I was too naive to see it. I am fully aware that I can be an odd character, plus as I have said before I am also introverted which certainly doesn't help meeting people. I can't help feeling saddened by this tidbit of information, is this going to be my life. .................................................................... Maybe this fact should be brought out into the light more often, gay men could use it as a tool hopefully to change things around and work against it. I could use this knowledge as a tool, I can say "here is what happens, isolation, loneliness, depression, now make sure it doesn't happen to me". I know it can seem easier to be on your own but I don't think it's healthy for a person to live on their own. There are people who live as friends, two to three in a house or apartment and people often say "that is so weird" but I don't think so, I think it's beautiful when done out of friendship and mostly I understand. My only problem is I have to deal with gay guys, and they can be such self centered, stuck up, moody bitches, but I'm keeping a positive outlook.
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7 comments:
I am so with you on this post. There is so many different levels; gay being out and alone, bi or gay being married to a woman and alone, gay being married to a guy and still being alone. Studies show there are more gay guys than ever before but where are they? I know I'm still in the closet but heck, I think every other gay guy living in the South is also. Just know you are not alone in this world, your blogging friends completely understand, accept you, and are here anytime you need a shoulder. I forgot to mention this in another comment, the photo you referenced from a earlier post shows a handsome man that age could have only improved upon. Keep that in mind, weed through all those Alice Cooper's you mentioned, keep turning over all those stones I mentioned and before you know it there he will be. Someone just for you!
I would have to agree with you, and the study, on this subject. In my clinical practice, a lot of what I see can be underscored by the effects of depression due to loneliness and isolation. It's ironic that even with all the "social" tools we have available, people feel more and more lonely. There are many days when I feel this way myself. I would love to read the study or article you read. If you still have the link, please let us know. And thank you for this post. It takes courage to admit and write about these feelings. Well done.
I agree. I lived alone for years in a flat in London. Although I was surrounded by people, I felt alone. I used to travel into town for work and when I left my job at the end of each day I often never spoke again to anyone until I turned back up at work the following morning. I had friends, but they were often tied up with their own loves and lives. But for me there was a difference between being isolated and not being in a relationship. The former could be within my control, the latter was always in the lap of the Gods. So I feel for you. If you can, do whatever is within your control to make you feel better.
JP
Stephen, flattery will get you everywhere with me! Thanks for the support buddy, I wasn't sure how people would take this post, I was pretty frustrated at the time I wrote it and did a lot of editing. Many days I feel, or actually "know" nothing has really changed for me since first coming out.
Walter, thank you and yes to your point about so many ways to stay in contact yet probably more people are feeling alone than ever. It's one of the reasons other than the blogosphere, I don't do online friendships, I think it just takes away from time with real people and honestly sometimes a person could just use a hug. Sorry I don't have the link I was skimming around the web. It was not a complete article but parts that were taken to make the point of a health site and used to encourage gay men to get together. I will try to find the study and get back to you.
JP, no pressure here, but your blog gives me hope. I read your blog and think, "some day I will have that again" even if it's fighting over eating crackers in bed. Well.... so if you screw things up, I could end up in therapy for years over it, but like I said, no pressure from me, nope none at all.
Thank you for your post. I totally get what you are saying as I am in a way living the same life. I am an introvert too, and I have been very reticent to sign up for the online dating thing because I have a feeling it is one gigantic meat market. And that other thing...still in the closet. I have my work friends and friends that are already coupled, so it is a bit of a lonely existence. But my life is much better than what it was, so that is what I have to keep thinking! We are lucky that we can blog about it!
Gay men are as various as the spice rack.
keep looking and you will find the right ones to go with your recipe.
Mc54, yes I believe you are right, a meat market. I connect with everything you just said, except the closest thing lol. To be honest I am still selective about the being out and I like it that way.
Michael, I am afraid that the only bottles left on the spice rack are those weird flavors that nobody likes!
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