Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Still Single?

Still single, that question never really bothered me before, now however it could be the beginning of a battle. I had the intention of not telling my parents about the whole guy on guy love thing between Dave and I, however living so close and interacting with people from back home all the time, I just don't see how I can avoid telling them. When I meet people they will always ask "still single" and what should I say. Do I say yes I'm still single to keep from opening that door, but if I do that I am lying about one of the most important things that is happening to me right now, one of the most important ever. I also feel like I am betraying Dave, betraying our love and I just don't feel like doing that. If I say no then of course will come all the questions!
"What is her name?"
"That is an unusual name for a girl!"
"Well she is a he, I'm into guys."
"Well does that mean you're gay?"
"Oh no no don't be silly, I just thought since I did not have a girl-friend at the moment and plus I already know what to do with a penis, I would date Dave until the right woman comes along."
"Do your parents know."

This hiding my relationship from some people is starting to feel like being back in the closet, I don't see the point, I just want to be happy, why can't people just be happy for me. Christmas is becoming a hassle also, I'm not a huge Christmas fan as I think it is mostly for little kids, for adults I think we should just observe the religious part if you are a Christian and then get together for a good meal with family and friends. Dave would like me with him, my parents would be crushed if I did not spend it with them, even if they knew about us it is not like they would say "oh just bring your nice boyfriend honey, the more the merrier." That is the side that is starting to get to me, I don't feel I should be anywhere that Dave is not, I should be able to take him just like I could take a woman I was dating if I was straight.

Yesterday, a friend from high school lost her father, I have not spoken with her in years, if the weather clears up I was thinking of going to pay my respects. It is on my mind that people will ask and the thing is I don't want to lie, I don't want to cause a stir or do it to shock people but I want to be able to tell the truth when they ask "You still single" I want to be able to say "no I've met a really great guy".


r. said...

I have a pretty good feeling on what you're gonna say when the opportunity arises, and I think you'll do just fine.

Hi Steven!!

Java said...

That's a quandary. I guess in a way you still are in the closet, at least to some people. I can imagine it must be terribly frustrating, especially now that you are so used to being openly gay in your every day life. It's just that past life part that's getting you now.

Have you ever said anything to your parents about being gay, hinted at it, mentioned homosexuality just to see what response you'd get? What do you expect from them upon learning the truth about their son? Will it likely be ugly?

It isn't easy. I feel for you, Steven. Good luck. If I can help in any way, just drop me an email.

Stephen Chapman said...

I get that sometimes, especially from people

Them: "Are you married"
Me: "As good as"
Them: "What does she do?"
Me: "Moans when I call him 'she'"
Them: pause... "oh"

Anonymous said...

Java is right, better tell them now, not on Christmas, and see what happens. It's more important that you are happy in your life, you can't live your parents life.

A Troll At Sea said...


I think this is just the kind of bind the Naz had in mind when he said that the truth would set us free. Not make everybody like us, but set us free.

I agree with Peter that you should tell them before Christmas, or Christmas could be really tense for YOU, wishing you could be with Dave.

For what it's worth, in my own experience, the things I am carefully NOT saying have a way of getting blurted out at the worst possible moment. Better to pick your moment and prepare it.

Good luck.

Vic Mansfield said...

You need to get the T-Shirt that says "I'm not gay, but my boyfrined is."

Butch said...

Don't be afraid to tell the truth, if they make a big deal over it, you really do not want them for friends anyway.
"I would rather be hated for what I am than be loved for what I am not."

Anonymous said...

Equate "single" as not being married. But when you and Dave get married, then that's when you'll have your quandry. ;-)

Anonymous said...

Oh, the transitional times are tough ones...and it IS hard to pick that right moment...but in the midst of a major holiday probably isn't it. There's already too much stress and your "announcement" could become the scapegoat for it.

Better to choose another moment, before or after...and meanwhile, maybe you can spend part of the day with your family and part with Daves...or maybe be able to get together with them for the weekend after.

Meanwhile, that you keep leaving the table to go chat on the phone to someone you're missing might shine a light on some things for the family, too.

Oh, and I second Java's if you want; I remember what it was like!

Wayne said...

Well Steven, When I went to a family reunion a few years back, there were relatives I hadn't seen in 20+ years. I took Craig, and introduced him as, "This is my friend Craig". That was it. No one said anything, (at least not to our faces) And since it was a family reunion, I think they all figured it out.

john said...

I'm in the same boat...most of the time I just want to say I'm gay because I'm just exhausted...other times I want to keep on hiding it because all the questions and the sudden urge for all of them to convert me back will be just as exhausting.