We do have our off moments, Dave and I that is, every couple I am sure has them. Although we have never had an argument, we have had disagreements but only minor ones however. Mostly out of respect for Dave I have not mentioned our downs, but that would not be totally honest, it was great at the beginning and I often worried he had hidden problems, I kept thinking why is this great man single. Our strife comes not in fights but more during times when Dave pushes me away, it seems to be getting more and more often these days and it is usually triggered by something else going on in his life.
Tonight however I saw a side of him that I was not aware of. It had nothing to do with me, it was over a project of his that went wrong for him. He became uncontrollably angry, he is a large man and I actually became afraid of him at one point, I don't think anyone should ever have to be afraid, truly afraid of the one you are suppose to love. I tried to calm him down but he did not hear me, or more like 'would' not hear me. I felt as if I had done something wrong, it was like being a child again and my father was absolutely livid with me. The rest of the evening he shut me out, I did not exist, I was not there for him. I don't understand this kind of attitude, I think it immature and no matter how awful my day was going, I would not treat someone that I loved so badly. I felt sick inside and also was walking on egg shells, finally I thought to myself, I will not allow him to treat me like this any longer, his cold stares towards me or blank looks towards the wall were too much drama for me to handle so I left. Dave lives far from me, so my leaving shortly after just getting there will send a message. I just could not see staying and being made to feel as if 'I' had done something terrible to him. I can't talk to him when he is like this, he only shuts down but the thing that made me take a step back was the degree to which he became angry, I guess he had been keeping that secret from me. I know this is not a one time thing because I at one time did not understand what his brother-in-law meant when he asked me "have you seen his temper yet?" I wonder what will happen if he should become angry with me at some point later on in our relationship. The odd evenings of shutting me out have been building over the last few weeks, I would ask myself, 'did I do something wrong', 'is he losing interest in me', 'why did he ask me over just to ignore me'. My insides are torn because as much as I love this guy, I feel I may have caught a glimpse of the beginning of the end for us.