Monday, July 7, 2008

Oh F..lub!

Well I had planed on talking to Dave about the blow up, now however I have forced my hand. I have been emailing back and forth with one of my blog buddies (lets call him John) about the situation. John asked how things were going so I sent him an email saying how hurt I felt, saying how Dave came across as if he only cared about the project and no longer cared about me, and about how cold he had been acting the last few days. I also said I felt as if I had been tricked, that Dave was not who he pretends to be and that I did not like the person he was at the moment. I piled a lot more onto my buddy's shoulder, so as to whine about it and hope for an email pat on the back in return. I hit the send tab and the email message came up "email sent to Dave"!

What! What! What! No! No! That can't be! I checked the sent messages and sure enough I sent the email to the wrong email address! Ooooooh fffffflluuub! I guess I am so used to sending emails to Dave that I did it without thinking! Now red faced I have to go to him and quickly have the talk and then tell him about the email, ahhhhh crack whore! I just wanted to vent a little, now I created more drama, I HATE drama! Ugh it was better when I was single I think at times.


Anonymous said...

Look at it this way, this is an open line of communication with Dave. You have showed exactly how you feel about this situation and rather than "covering things up" or "sweetening it" with Dave, you're being brutally honest about how he is hurting you and the relationship. I think you just need to take a step back and see how he responds. Don't take it back or apologize. Respect is a big word I got out of your last post and now you need to be patient. (((((Steven)))))

Peter said...

Do as Steven said, the next step to take is for Dave.
Maybe you're the first one who ever said it to him, and in writing too. Maybe it's a wake-up call for him, when he loves you enough he'll apologize for what he did.

TWISI said...


hope all works out well.

Daniel Thomasson said...

Stephen, seeing a loved one (whether family, friends, or a lover) change in not necessarily an easy thing to deal with. Although many things ran through my mind when you initially posted about Dave's behavior and it being the beginning of the end, I wasn't going to say anything. After this post, I felt that I had to comment.

I have read your blog for quite a while now. I saw the pain you felt as a single man just coming out of the closet. I saw the torture you put yourself through trying to find other gay men who where interested in being your friend and not just a trick.

When you and Dave met and started dating, I was so happy for you. I still am. Although, I am in no way telling you that you should stay in a relationship that can in any way be abusive. You definitely don't deserve to be treated that way. I feel like you are seeing this turn of events and an easy out. I will also say that being in a relationship doesn't make the pain of discovering yourself and coming out any less significant.

Things could go negatively when you and Dave talk (I hope that doesn't happen), but at least you will now get a chance to talk to him about it. You said that you and Dave had never had a huge fight and had to make up, but that you two had had minor disagreements. Now when you are faced with a huge fight, you can now see an end to the relationship. You should be looking at this as a stepping stone in the relationship. A way to strengthen the bond between you too. I am a firm believer in never seeing an end to a relationship. If you can't see yourself growing old with the person, there's no point in investing your time in the person.

A Lewis said...

oh yeah, it's happened to the best of us, my friend. face it. deal with it. the sooner "the talk" is behind you, the better you'll be and feel. i'll be thinking about you. hold your head high and go for it.

Vic Mansfield said...

Oh no! While I am very sad for the way it happened, I am glad that you are going to talk with Dave, face to face.

Remember, dear one, this is (most likely) all about Dave, and not about you. Yes, you are affected greatly by his temper,but it sounds like his temper was NOT about you but about his work.

Say to yourself ten times: It is not my fault. It is not my fault. It is not my fault.

Repeat as necessary.

His anger is his. Your fear is yours. As the two rub against one another, the two of you have a concern in your relationship. talk about it.

Even if it is the end of things, you will end with a clear conscience. I think it may be just the beginning.

It is the disasters in relationships that can bring us closer. But you can't control that. Don't apologize, do not be afraid. Be calm and centered (try to be) and speak your truth. Talk about your feelings. Not his. Let him talk about his. Make "I" statements.

Advice is cheap and I don't mean just to give more. You will both be in my prayers. Go easy, gently, and lovingly. Fear not.

Will said...

I think what all this means is that you're really in a relationship. Not that there should ever be actual abuse in a relationship, but sometimes there can be depression or deep disappointment about something remote from you, the partner, that the loved one cannot deal with without withdrawing or venting in a way that resembles hostility.

We all deal with the ups and downs--it's what makes our unions, however they're defined, real. You two haven't been together that long and you're still learning about each other. This sort of thing is inevitable--it's not that it happened so much as how each of you handles it that's important now.

And by the way, I was struck in this post and the last one at the number of men who've come to be part of your life and who care about you, to the point of offering their deeply felt support and advice. They know a good man when they see one.

As to the mistakenly addressed email, I think we all have at least one of those in our pasts. With luck they become one of those "someday we'll remember this and laugh" situations.

john said...

I hope you guys worked things out.

Java said...

Ooooo, tricky situation. Well, at least he knows how you honestly feel, eh?
How did it go? How is it now?
I'm thinking of you, hoping for and wishing you the best.