Sometimes I have a hidden dark side to my personality that scares me. I let myself go where I would completely judge another person if I heard they did the same thing.
Sometimes I do really stupid things, not by accident, I know already what I am about to do is stupid but continue to proceed anyway.
Sometimes I don't know the person inside anymore, he is not who I want to be and I dislike a part of me, almost as if there are two people living inside the same body.
Sometimes I get so careless from not paying attention that it gets to the point of being dangerous and I am ashamed of my own stupidity.
Sometimes I know what I should do to make my life better, yet put it off repeatedly, for no reason other than it is easier in the moment to do nothing. I often think about changing to become a better person, then follow the same routine and still expect results.
Sometimes I hurt people that I love, a test I think to see if they will still love me after.
Sometimes I can be so lazy that if anyone worked for me as such, I would fire them. I expect more from other people than of myself.
Sometimes I like when I hold some kind of power over a person, it can give me satisfaction when someone fears me.
Sometimes I feel like I am a bad person, that people don't really know me and that I do just enough good things to fool nearly everyone.
Sometimes I feel the person most out to ruin me, struggle against me and be a major threat to me... is me.
Monday, May 19, 2008
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Life is an ever-evolving drama. To know these things about yourself, to admit them here, is a sign of strength. What next?
It's called being human...
"Sometimes I hurt people that I love, a test I think to see if they will still love me after." But this particular one I'm not so sure about! :-)
Sooo...what is it you have done? Dave??
I stopped being disappointed with myself a long time ago, heh. The fact that you're introspective enough to be aware of these things, let alone concerned, is halfway home. I agree with robert that testing somebody's love is not wise. I's work on that if nothing else.
Steve mentioned what I was fearing.....I hope that there was no "falling out" with Dave. Hang in there Steven!
Introspection is necessary for growth and change. Forgiveness is necessary for peace. Let it go. We all doubt and fear. You have mentioned nothing new that any one of us would admit to if honest.
Turn from yourself and help someone else, and watch the fears dissipate. And freely accept the love that is offered.
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