November's end.

The end of November already, the boring, grey, dreary, month. Like a Kevin Costner movie, we will just plow through it to the end and then forget about it. Today was sunny but cold, I did work outside for a while but depressingly enough, the sun started setting at 3:54. Tomorrow will be December already, where does the time go? I can't believe it's time to start pulling out and setting up the Christmas lights. I'm not sure how much I'm going to do this year, I may just put up outside lights and no decorations inside. I seriously feel like I just put everything away from the last holiday season, lol. Wasn't Halloween this past week?

  I was told an interesting story by one of my new gay friends, regarding an incident that happened to him. It sadly seems to be very common and it's something that really makes me angry.

 My new buddy (Mike), had been married with children by the time he realized what gay meant. Mike divorced his wife and was worried that his church wouldn't accept him, he was a member of an evangelical church. Surprisingly the minister was kind and compassionate, he told Mike, that he was always welcomed there.

 Many in that church were not happy to have a progressive, loving, caring minister, they worked to have him removed and finally were successful. They brought in a minister that was less loving, caring and compassionate, one that was more in line with evangelical beliefs. Every week as he thumped the bible, he preached about how homosexuality was the cause of all ills. Finally Mike had enough and left the church.

 Mike began to discover his sexuality and made some good friends. One friend asked Mike to join his church as it was more accepting of gay people, he did and never looked back. He began to form a positive community around himself. This friend of Mike's also functioned as a friend with benefits, they often hooked up so that Mike could see what he had been missing and learn a thing or two! One day the friend asked Mike if he wanted to try having a third partner added in for excitement, he said yes.

 The friend told Mike that he knew someone who would be interested in a three-way as well. Apparently the guy told the friend that he knew Mike when shown Mike's picture and really wanted to hook up with them. Mike was really excited about trying something new and showed up early to his friend's house. There he excitedly waited to see who was going to walk through the door. The door opened and Mike instantly felt rage! Standing there.. was the hateful evangelical minister.

 Mike was tongue tied, he could only keep saying, "how dare you! How dare you"! The minister thought the situation was funny, he couldn't see why Mike was so upset, he was surprised by Mike leaving. Mike couldn't believe the boldness of the minister... to recognize Mike's picture and try to hook up with him. Mike stormed out saying, "not even if you were the last man on earth"!

 I'm not going to add anything to this, I'm tired of this garbage, what more is there for me to say? Those types of people with that selfish warped way of thinking, speak for themselves.

Don't let the door hit your a...

 We had been having a beautiful end of November, oddly enough it was much warmer and sunnier than at the beginning of November. In the beginning of the month, some nights were equal to our January or February with temperatures at nearly twenty degrees below the freezing mark. Fortunately the last week warmed up, the sun came out, the snow melted. There was even a smell of spring in the air. Some of my friends were joking about winter being over already.

 This was all that was left of a snow bank by Tuesday. Everything was roses again... that is until yesterday. Winter roared back in like the son of a b.... that it is. High winds, ice pellets, snow freezing onto everything and this!!!

  Anyone want a free Christmas tree? It only weighs a couple of tonnes!

 Busted a hole right through my good tin roof! Dirty ba... umm.. bugger.

 Absolutely fantastic, of all the places to fall. Stupid tree, you do know that firewood is valuable this time of year you giant weed!

 This morning the winter storm started moving out. Good riddance! Goodbye winter storm, while on your way out, careful not to let the door hit you on the a...

The gay wedding cake dilemma.

 I have noticed something with many of the gay people I have been meeting lately. A lot of them are married and I immediately think,"awwwwh, that's sweet". Some of the spouses I have met, some I have not. The odd thing for me however is often at a party or gathering, I will go to use the washroom... and I will walk right into one of the married guys, fooling around with someone else. It's been explained to me that they are married but also have sex with other men. Sometimes it's with a complete stranger that they just met.

 In my mind, that's like the old saying about having your cake and eating it too. It's just "my opinion" but I instantly feel like their marriage is a pretend marriage, like children playing house, they follow the rules sometimes but go separate ways at other times. I could see a couple that wanted to spice up their life, maybe add in a friend, I don't have a problem with that. To me it's just completely different if the spouses are going out all the time separately and meeting up with people for sex. They are married but they're still dating... or playing the field.

 I know I have some old fashioned ideas but I'm also a romantic, I want a husband that is thinking about me during the day, not about hooking up with some guy he saw online. It doesn't seem like a union of two people who love each other, more like a contract between two buddies living together. I wouldn't feel someone was genuine if they were trying to date me, while at the same time, working on hooking up with others, I would actually feel slighted.

I'm not telling people how to live their life, I'm just saying that I don't personally take their relationship that seriously because I think they are not taking the relationship seriously themselves. I know relationships are changing and becoming less monogamous but it seems really strange to me.

Hard words, made easy!

 I have been joking with people that I'm calling this "my second coming...out". I was talking about it with the guys at the party and everyone has a coming out story. One guy said something that explained to me why I suddenly stopped telling people. We all agreed that we are constantly coming out, the guy said that when he meets new people, he then introduces his husband so for him he doesn't need a coming out moment, every time he introduces his husband, he is essentially coming out.

 I think that's the hiccup for me, when I was with Dan, I wouldn't go anywhere without him, so it was an automatic out moment for me. I think also when you are in love, you want everyone to know the great person that has entered your life. When you are single, you just get into the habit of not saying anything. I see that's silly now, I shouldn't have let it go this long.

 I did however always hate that awkward moment, when I am about to tell someone. My heart pounding between my ears, getting ready to pick the right time, hoping I don't get misty eyed and even worse, the right words to use. I wished there was a way to erase the tension, to take away the pressure and awkwardness. I have found my way, I have discovered how to be me and still tell people without feeling like I'm under stage lights.

 Yesterday I told a buddy of mine, we have known each other since we were kids. I used my new method, it always works for me. First I trick internal chicken Steven. He's usually saying something like, "are you going to tell him? Why don't you wait until next week, I'm not ready for this, the timing is bad". I assure internal chicken Steven that I'm not telling anyone today. Then as I relax, I suddenly say to the person, "there's something I want to tell you, I prefer you hear it from me", then internal chicken Steven says, "are we doing this? Oh... I guess then we are doing this, he tricked me"! I laugh a little and then say these smarty pants words, "it has to do with why you have never seen me with a girlfriend" and I'm done, perfect coming out. Usually the person starts laughing with me and then nods their head knowingly. There is no big drama moment where I say I'm gay and feel like I am about to pass out, or they scramble for words trying to sound supportive. I do it in a light hearted way and everyone understands what I am saying. Even better they feel free to jump in right away and talk about it. My friend started saying, "it's all good Steven, I have been through my own crap and I stopped judging people long, long ago. Live your life, you have to live your own life, it's going to feel much better now that you're out, it should take any weight off or pressure off". We talk about some things and then moved on to other conversations that we often have, like nothing happened, as it should be.

Being pursued... feels great!

 It's one month until WHAT??? I wanted to get my kitchen painted before Christmas. Unfortunately with temperatures turning freezing cold, me getting a cold and other adventures, it's now or never, so I'm choosing never, lol.

 On the weekend I met some new people, nice guys but no one in particular that caught my attention. Apparently I caught someone's attention however. There was a guy there that kept subtly blocking everyone else from sitting close to me. He constantly positioned himself between me and the other guys. At first I thought it was just my imagination but I began to watch his actions and he was definitely friend blocking the other guys. Later as the party went on, he was "concerned" about my long drive home and offered me his spare room, a couple of times actually. Then as I was leaving he left also. As we were walking to our cars he said something I thought was cute. Again he offered me the spare room, then he awkwardly said, " umm or... if you want, you can always sleep in with me". I thanked him and said I was fine to drive home. He is not really my type of man, unfortunately and I never felt any attraction when I first met him, that's always the way it seems in life.

 Yesterday I received a message from him on the site we belong to, it was polite and mostly about how he enjoyed meeting me. No one has ever contacted me before so the message means something. I don't want to lead this person on so I have been very cool with my responses. Still, I have to admit that it feels really nice to be pursued, makes me feel young again, makes me feel attractive. If he keeps it up, I may not be able to resist.

Don't kiss me Smokey!

 The one cultural thing that takes me some getting used to about gay society, is the habit gay men have of kissing each other. It always has to be on the lips and after hanging around for awhile and having a few drinks, they want to slip you some tongue... eww. There I said it... ewww, or I actually I really mean YUCKEEEEWWWWW!

 Okay I have been getting used to the kissing and once I start to know someone, it does feel like an intimate way to say hello. However, HOWEVER, if you want me to kiss you... stop smoking!!!!!! Yuck... lick an ashtray much? Chewing gum and using mouthwash makes it taste like licking an ashtray with some mint added in!

 The problem now is many gay men follow the trends of either smoking an expensive cigar to relax or smoking pot. I don't care, you can debate me all you want, smoking is smoking is smoking to a non smoker. It's an automatic turn off to me. You can't hide it and it can't be good for you. You sweat smoke, your hair smells of smoke, I can taste it in your mouth even if you haven't touched it today. It's a stale bitter taste or smell.... and it always makes me think of death.

The Nice Homosexual People.

 I spent the evening with some nice homosexuals. Some I had met before, many I had not. They were a friendly bunch of homosexuals, we talked, we laughed and we ate pizza. It was pretty funny when the music being streamed in suddenly started to talk about the bible and Jesus, it must have been a sign to find a nice girl. Although most of the guys there had found a nice girl and traded her in.

 Typical of me, I forgot stuff there. I realized it half way home. I don't think it's Alzheimer's, I have always done that when I am distracted, take of without checking around and leave stuff behind.

 Some of the people are involved in performing groups like gay choirs etc, I may go to listen but mostly to network. No husband material there tonight but that's what I'm hoping comes with networking. I made another couple of friends, I'm adding to the gay flock.