I usually do not do memes, I prefer to write when something is on my mind and I feel memes are not inspired. I find most to be too cliche and so I am just not interested in doing them. Over the last few months, some were sent to me and one of the questions I often see is "why do you blog?" There are many reasons why I started to blog but the main one was to help myself come out. Like some sort of cheap therapy where you people listen to me whine and complain instead of paying a shrink, plus at least you guys respond! I heard in therapy they just nod their head and say "hmmm" or "I see". I would not know however, because I never had to go to therapy, just wanted to be clear on that, nope nothing wrong with me... I think. Getting back to 'why blog' well I felt trapped in my own mind before I started to come out and sometimes I needed to see my thoughts or emotions out in the open. It was a release and also very comforting to have many people tell me that they were going through, or had gone through the same thought processes while coming to terms with being gay. Sometimes saying something out loud, changes how you view it compared to hiding it away.
Another reason was that I had become familiar with the blog community and saw how supportive everyone was to each other. I really had the need to connect with other gay men or people who were gay friendly. I had created isolation for myself and felt very alone, I needed the reassurance that I was not alone. The blog help me find a network of friends who gave me the courage and self worth to begin the coming out process. I began to see myself as just a part of society, regarding society as a whole unit, like different races or religions and not as a second class citizen or defective straight person.
I also wanted to blog because part of my courage came from being a lurker for almost two years. I thought since these blogs helped me, then maybe if I write truthfully about the struggles of coming out, maybe I can help someone else in the same position. I also noticed some of my favourite reads had stopped writing and so I felt I should do my part and pick up the torch so to speak.
Everything comes in a circle however and I feel that this blog's time will soon be up. As I said, the purpose of the blog was to help me work through coming out. I am not fully out but I don't think I will push it much more than this, no gay flag T-shirt or anything like that. I sometimes feel now like the blog is becoming a chore and often forced instead of inspired by a need to write. I think it has met it's purpose and there is not much more that I can add without being repetitive. There will always be new people to tell that I am gay, it is part of life. I don't worry about it the way I once did and so it just becomes dull if I always wondered what every new person will think. Regarding my relationship with Dave, most of the 'firsts' and the new-ness is over, from now on it will be a cycle of me going to see him and him seeing me. It would be a little silly to keep writing that we went to another gay bar, party, BBQ or that to get me out of bed, one morning he tossed the cat onto me (yes the brat actually did that)!
It never was my intention to start letting people into my everyday life, I did not want the blog to evolve into that as I am actually a private person. It started to drift that way but I find it hard and feel it is wrong as Dave did not sign up to have his life exposed. He does not complain but I feel it is a bit of a betrayal to his privacy, one of the reasons I do not post a photo of him. I am not saying this is good bye yet but I feel it may happen soon, because of the support and encouragement I have received from so many of you, I felt an explanation was due.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
Whew!
Movie night went really well, I was so nervous going over there that Dave kept telling me to relax. I pretty much knew it would be okay but sometimes, we have all probably saw where for no reason, people just clash. Fortunately for me this was not the case. Eric and his wife instantly hit it off with Dave. Even at times jokingly ganging up on me and teasing me. Dave and Eric have a lot in common and often it came to a point where I was left out of the conversation, that was perfectly fine with me, actually I was hoping that would happen. Dave is also used to being around small children, likes to joke with them and so the girls thought the world of him.
Eric's wife went out later for the evening and after the girls were put to bed, it was then movie time! It was perfect because we all like the same type of movies. Sitting there I just felt like the usual me, just guys watching a movie together. The only thing that caused me to wonder, was sometimes Dave would try to hold my hand, lean on me or put his hand on my lap. I felt guilty because I would tell him to stop. It became annoying to me. I felt guilt because I am not sure if I did not want him to do that in front of someone because we are gay or if I just did not want him to do that period. If I were straight, I don't think I would want a girl-friend being like that in front of my friends. I know I don't even like to do that in a gay bar, I don't like public affection, I see affection as an intimate thing not to share with others. The thing with Dave is he will do it more if I try to make him stop, I am not sure if it is a way to tease me or his way to make sure I am not rejecting him (more I think teasing, he is a brat like that). Dave will often try to get me to kiss him in the most awkward of times, always with potential exposure, he laughs when I say no, he likes to make me feel shy. I did not also want to make Eric feel uncomfortable as he is so supportive of me and this relationship, I want to be respectful to him. Eric and his wife are very loving but never have put me in an awkward situation, they as well, are affectionate when alone so I want to be respectful back.
The main thing now is we are establishing groups of people who support us as a couple. We are being asked as a couple to dinners, parties and barbecues. It is a good feeling, an unbelievable feeling, not the disaster that I thought coming out would be. I made the remark to Dave that I used to think if I found someone like him, there would be no point in having a gay wedding because no one would come, however now I see there would be a lot of people who would want to come, in fact some people have already said half joking but half serious that they want to be invited to my gay wedding! I don't want to jump ahead, we have only started this relationship but it is comforting to know there are so many people gay and straight behind us. Dave stayed over night with me, as my place is closer to Eric's than his. He had to leave just before noon, we talked about where we are in this relationship, where we want to go, our dreams etc and we can see that they are pretty much the same dreams. I walked him out to his car, told him I had a good weekend with him, to drive safely and that we would talk later. He pulled out and drove off with one final wave and I am a little embarrassed to say this, but as he disappeared from my sight, I had to fight back tears. I thought to myself, I love that guy.
Eric's wife went out later for the evening and after the girls were put to bed, it was then movie time! It was perfect because we all like the same type of movies. Sitting there I just felt like the usual me, just guys watching a movie together. The only thing that caused me to wonder, was sometimes Dave would try to hold my hand, lean on me or put his hand on my lap. I felt guilty because I would tell him to stop. It became annoying to me. I felt guilt because I am not sure if I did not want him to do that in front of someone because we are gay or if I just did not want him to do that period. If I were straight, I don't think I would want a girl-friend being like that in front of my friends. I know I don't even like to do that in a gay bar, I don't like public affection, I see affection as an intimate thing not to share with others. The thing with Dave is he will do it more if I try to make him stop, I am not sure if it is a way to tease me or his way to make sure I am not rejecting him (more I think teasing, he is a brat like that). Dave will often try to get me to kiss him in the most awkward of times, always with potential exposure, he laughs when I say no, he likes to make me feel shy. I did not also want to make Eric feel uncomfortable as he is so supportive of me and this relationship, I want to be respectful to him. Eric and his wife are very loving but never have put me in an awkward situation, they as well, are affectionate when alone so I want to be respectful back.
The main thing now is we are establishing groups of people who support us as a couple. We are being asked as a couple to dinners, parties and barbecues. It is a good feeling, an unbelievable feeling, not the disaster that I thought coming out would be. I made the remark to Dave that I used to think if I found someone like him, there would be no point in having a gay wedding because no one would come, however now I see there would be a lot of people who would want to come, in fact some people have already said half joking but half serious that they want to be invited to my gay wedding! I don't want to jump ahead, we have only started this relationship but it is comforting to know there are so many people gay and straight behind us. Dave stayed over night with me, as my place is closer to Eric's than his. He had to leave just before noon, we talked about where we are in this relationship, where we want to go, our dreams etc and we can see that they are pretty much the same dreams. I walked him out to his car, told him I had a good weekend with him, to drive safely and that we would talk later. He pulled out and drove off with one final wave and I am a little embarrassed to say this, but as he disappeared from my sight, I had to fight back tears. I thought to myself, I love that guy.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Movie Night
This weekend, Dave and I were suppose to go camping, we were going to get to use a log cabin by a lake and share some of our time with friends of Dave's. Due to a loss in the family of his friends, we decided to not go and will go another time when these people can join us. That left the weekend wide open to doing something else. I was talking to my friend Eric and he asked me if I would be able to come for our usual movie night. Dinner and then the latest movies on DVD, snacks and beer, it was something we had done for years once a month until I met Dave. Lately Erik and I just could not connect our times as we always had other plans. I told him about the cancelled camping trip and he said "bring Dave with you, I would love to meet him" I agreed. I miss our time together, but he is a really good friend to me and completely understood my need to build a relationship with Dave over the last few months. Erik was the first person I came out to, I will always remember and be grateful for the way he was so supportive of me.
It is really important to me that these guys get alone, I love them both so much and it makes me a little nervous. Actually they both have a little of the same personality and sometimes with men that can make them clash a bit. It is also some big firsts for me as well. I have met some of Dave's friends and family but this will be the first time one of my friends will meet Dave. Also this will be the first time I will come to one of my friends as a gay man with a boyfriend. Erik is very supportive of this but still, there is that feeling in my stomach. I am both nervous and excited, finally I get to say, "this is Dave" and it will be understood that this is the person that I love, this is the person that is my partner in being a couple, this is the person that makes me no longer alone.
Most people will just see this as a bunch of guys meeting for movies and chips and partly that is true, however for me it will be another step in my journey, another line that I cross. It sets me on my path of being who I really am and even though it feels a little uncomfortable, it also feels right.
It is really important to me that these guys get alone, I love them both so much and it makes me a little nervous. Actually they both have a little of the same personality and sometimes with men that can make them clash a bit. It is also some big firsts for me as well. I have met some of Dave's friends and family but this will be the first time one of my friends will meet Dave. Also this will be the first time I will come to one of my friends as a gay man with a boyfriend. Erik is very supportive of this but still, there is that feeling in my stomach. I am both nervous and excited, finally I get to say, "this is Dave" and it will be understood that this is the person that I love, this is the person that is my partner in being a couple, this is the person that makes me no longer alone.
Most people will just see this as a bunch of guys meeting for movies and chips and partly that is true, however for me it will be another step in my journey, another line that I cross. It sets me on my path of being who I really am and even though it feels a little uncomfortable, it also feels right.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Spring Weekend
This past weekend was beautiful, sunny and temperatures in the 20s c, or 73 F for my American friends. It was actually hot at noon with the sun being quite strong for a pale, winter white guy like me. Finally spring has arrived here, although it is more like early summer and that bothers me a little. I think we did a "spring into summer" this week. To go from freezing and snow up to my hips to walking around in shorts being chased by bugs in a matter of days. What happened to the gently spring I was looking forward to. Sunday was nice and I went over to spend the day with Dave, we had a BBQ and everything was sooo good, that man is going to make me fat!
Dave pulled out two bikes and said lets go bike riding for the afternoon. I said sure but in my head the little voice was saying, 'hey you have not rode a bike in years!' I was proud of myself, we went riding most of the afternoon and I was not doing too bad. At first I was a little shaky but riding a bike came back to me like... well riding a bike. Either I am getting older or I just don't remember those bike seats being such little bum torture devices. I kept thinking I was going to be saddle sore like a cowboy the next day. There were times I thought it might hurt less if I removed the seat and just sat on the bar, there are just too many gay and S&M jokes there so moving along. We stopped in to see his Dad and then over to his brother's place. I met more of Dave's family and they were friendly enough with me.
I often find that a strange moment, meeting his family. I always think it should be an awkward moment but it is only awkward for me. To them, Dave has been out for years and it is a complete non issue. They either are indifferent to him dating me or happy that he has found someone. It is only an issue to me because in my frame of mind, each meeting is a coming out. I feel bad that I can't do that with my family, well partly I can but not totally. We have discussed this, he understands and says we will roll with it. We did talk about me being overwhelmed by things at times, he told me that we will take it as fast or slow as I want to. I think his attitude is one reason that I have felt comfortable in coming out to so many people lately, he never pressures me and so I know there is that safety switch there, where I can say "slow down a minute" it lets me feel relaxed enough to move ahead.
Sometimes when Dave is busy doing work in his yard, I stop for a minute and just watch him. I get a feeling inside and think, "wow, that man is my boyfriend, I really love that guy" it almost makes me dizzy and even though we have only been going out a short time, our closeness makes him feel like family to me, as if I could see what it would be like if we were married someday. I can never stand to see him sad or be away from him for very long. It does not matter to me anymore who approves of me or who does not, yes I would be hurt if someone rejected me but there is no one who could tell me not to see him, not to be gay, with out him in my life now, the pain would be too great and no family member or friend has that right.
We made it back from our bike ride safe and sound, sweaty and a little tired but still able to move our rusty joints. Dave the super cook made a great supper, a little TV, early to bed so we can snuggle a little, hey everyone needs some loving, everyone needs to hear 'I love you' and know the person really means it. The next morning we were not too sore either, so I guess I am not in as bad a shape as I thought. Next week we are suppose to go camping for the whole weekend. I am really looking forward to spending some time with him getting to know nature better. I just hope that hungry bears are homophobic about what they eat!
Dave pulled out two bikes and said lets go bike riding for the afternoon. I said sure but in my head the little voice was saying, 'hey you have not rode a bike in years!' I was proud of myself, we went riding most of the afternoon and I was not doing too bad. At first I was a little shaky but riding a bike came back to me like... well riding a bike. Either I am getting older or I just don't remember those bike seats being such little bum torture devices. I kept thinking I was going to be saddle sore like a cowboy the next day. There were times I thought it might hurt less if I removed the seat and just sat on the bar, there are just too many gay and S&M jokes there so moving along. We stopped in to see his Dad and then over to his brother's place. I met more of Dave's family and they were friendly enough with me.
I often find that a strange moment, meeting his family. I always think it should be an awkward moment but it is only awkward for me. To them, Dave has been out for years and it is a complete non issue. They either are indifferent to him dating me or happy that he has found someone. It is only an issue to me because in my frame of mind, each meeting is a coming out. I feel bad that I can't do that with my family, well partly I can but not totally. We have discussed this, he understands and says we will roll with it. We did talk about me being overwhelmed by things at times, he told me that we will take it as fast or slow as I want to. I think his attitude is one reason that I have felt comfortable in coming out to so many people lately, he never pressures me and so I know there is that safety switch there, where I can say "slow down a minute" it lets me feel relaxed enough to move ahead.
Sometimes when Dave is busy doing work in his yard, I stop for a minute and just watch him. I get a feeling inside and think, "wow, that man is my boyfriend, I really love that guy" it almost makes me dizzy and even though we have only been going out a short time, our closeness makes him feel like family to me, as if I could see what it would be like if we were married someday. I can never stand to see him sad or be away from him for very long. It does not matter to me anymore who approves of me or who does not, yes I would be hurt if someone rejected me but there is no one who could tell me not to see him, not to be gay, with out him in my life now, the pain would be too great and no family member or friend has that right.
We made it back from our bike ride safe and sound, sweaty and a little tired but still able to move our rusty joints. Dave the super cook made a great supper, a little TV, early to bed so we can snuggle a little, hey everyone needs some loving, everyone needs to hear 'I love you' and know the person really means it. The next morning we were not too sore either, so I guess I am not in as bad a shape as I thought. Next week we are suppose to go camping for the whole weekend. I am really looking forward to spending some time with him getting to know nature better. I just hope that hungry bears are homophobic about what they eat!
Friday, April 18, 2008
Self Doubt, My Old Enemy
Last night I had a visit from an old enemy, my self doubt about my sexuality. It came in a wave of emotions, I was quite shocked with how strong it was and also in wondering where it suddenly came from. I was lying in bed with Dave and I had a feeling that this was not where I was suppose to be. That I was meant to be a man with a wife and family, not lying next to another man. That I am going against God, nature, the universe or what, I am not sure of. It almost made me tear up in frustration, I don't understand what I am suppose to do with this. I have known that I am gay since I was young so there is no confusion there. I have zero attraction to women so I could never attempt to fake a marriage, plus I could never 'use' another person for my own gain. I read about a lot of men who tried to lead that life but being gay will call you out sooner or later, so I know I made the right choice there. I don't understand God's plan or nature's mistake which ever it is. I am trying to do the best I can with what I have and I thought a relationship with a guy like Dave is the right path for me. Now I feel stuck again, either way I am going against the grain, if I date a guy then I am going against society, if I date a woman (never will) I am going against my sexuality. I will not go back to being single, I don't want to be alone anymore and Dave means the world to me. I did not say a word to Dave, I did not think he would understand.
Maybe I should not have been surprised, I guess these feelings may have been lurking at the surface and I was just ignoring them. Dave never pushes me, however sometimes I 'feel' like he does. I have to remind him that I just came out, he is supportive and understanding of this but sometimes where he sees no problem, I see a mountain. We did have a discussion before bed that may have helped trigger these feelings. I had just met a couple more of his friends and some times that unnerves me because they know right away that I am gay. I don't have my comfort wall of being able to gauge them first and even though they accept Dave and are happy for him, I feel that a stranger knows my inner most secret, one that I had guarded even from my closest friends for years. I know it sounds strange but it takes a bit out of me then that happens, meeting new people as a gay man that is. We don't argue (yet) but the discussion was he wants me to come to a party with him as his date. I have done this before and again this will be with a bunch of people from his work. The thing is some do not know he is gay and I told him I am not up to being his way to announce to everyone that he is gay. At first he did not understand and insisted that I come. I told him the truth, that I am tired of going to parties with all straight people that are strangers to me. I am tired of being the "gay couple" at the parties and BBQs, I don't want to be that accessory where people think their party was cool because there was a gay couple there. I know it is nice that he loves me and wants his friends to meet me but I reminded him of my coming out only a few months ago and said this is taking a toll on me. He then understood, he asked if it would be okay if some of his gay friends wanted us to come for dinner, I said I would like that very much, I think it would be more relaxing, at least I would not feel like a novelty. Dave's friends are great, they have known for years he is gay but not everyone at his work knows and whether kind or not I am not always up for this yet, I still find it hard. Entering a party as a gay couple makes me feel the large exposure.
I don't want to chicken out on who I am but I would rather ease into this life. Maybe that is why the sudden regression in thinking has returned. I have to work through this and banish those thoughts. As I said before, where am I suppose to go with this, someone or something made me a totally gay man and if that someone or something feels it is wrong, then it is their mistake, I am just trying to live with it the best I know how.
Maybe I should not have been surprised, I guess these feelings may have been lurking at the surface and I was just ignoring them. Dave never pushes me, however sometimes I 'feel' like he does. I have to remind him that I just came out, he is supportive and understanding of this but sometimes where he sees no problem, I see a mountain. We did have a discussion before bed that may have helped trigger these feelings. I had just met a couple more of his friends and some times that unnerves me because they know right away that I am gay. I don't have my comfort wall of being able to gauge them first and even though they accept Dave and are happy for him, I feel that a stranger knows my inner most secret, one that I had guarded even from my closest friends for years. I know it sounds strange but it takes a bit out of me then that happens, meeting new people as a gay man that is. We don't argue (yet) but the discussion was he wants me to come to a party with him as his date. I have done this before and again this will be with a bunch of people from his work. The thing is some do not know he is gay and I told him I am not up to being his way to announce to everyone that he is gay. At first he did not understand and insisted that I come. I told him the truth, that I am tired of going to parties with all straight people that are strangers to me. I am tired of being the "gay couple" at the parties and BBQs, I don't want to be that accessory where people think their party was cool because there was a gay couple there. I know it is nice that he loves me and wants his friends to meet me but I reminded him of my coming out only a few months ago and said this is taking a toll on me. He then understood, he asked if it would be okay if some of his gay friends wanted us to come for dinner, I said I would like that very much, I think it would be more relaxing, at least I would not feel like a novelty. Dave's friends are great, they have known for years he is gay but not everyone at his work knows and whether kind or not I am not always up for this yet, I still find it hard. Entering a party as a gay couple makes me feel the large exposure.
I don't want to chicken out on who I am but I would rather ease into this life. Maybe that is why the sudden regression in thinking has returned. I have to work through this and banish those thoughts. As I said before, where am I suppose to go with this, someone or something made me a totally gay man and if that someone or something feels it is wrong, then it is their mistake, I am just trying to live with it the best I know how.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
What Is In The Case?
One night after eating supper I sat down to be lazy... um I mean relax and watch some TV. Usually I don't watch a lot of TV, in fact I do not even have cable. I felt it was throwing away money since I would rather talk with friends or play on the computer. I do not have an issue with watching TV, more like I get bored with it as there are very few shows that surprise me with their story lines anymore. There was nothing very interesting on that night and flipping through the channels I was about to watch 'Deal Or No Deal'. Sitting there I heard the lady say what is in case number 2, then the host says what is in case number two, then he repeats it again, case number two. Suddenly I thought to myself, wake up! Life is passing you by and what am I doing here watching this crap, why are millions of people sitting at home watching this! When did we let our lives become so meaningless and dull that this is now entertainment! How unintelligent to let myself be entertained by this. Open case number two, open case number ten, open case number three, is that not what we do to a baby. Open the pretty box and see what is inside. Have we become an excited puppy, sitting there wagging his tail to see if there is a treat in the box. I already know what is inside, it is my time that I wasted watching this show. I don't mean that as a slight against the show, I mean it as in, time is ticking away for all of us, for me, for you and this life is all we get. The universe will turn, spin, move forward and that hour will never return to be reclaimed for better use.
When did people let themselves get so "dumb downed" by these type of shows. It does not matter 'what is in the case', whether it is one dollar or a million, it does not affect my life in any way, I will not learn anything, nor benefit from it and within an hour I will probably never think of that particular show again, let alone any certain case. At least some shows you can learn about history, art, music and more from the questions, so not a total waste of time. A friend of mine once noted that in our parents younger days (at least in the country) the people had to entertain themselves, so they often learned to play an instrument or sing, some even would paint, carve or had another hobby. TV seems to have replaced that now. I had to agree with my friend because he said this to me while we were driving home one night from a long trip and as we passed through towns, villages and farming communities, he pointed out that all the houses looked quiet except for the blue glow of a TV set coming from every house. I wonder how many people watched that show instead of spending time with their kids, taking the dog for a walk or doing something for their health like exercise. How many people sat there thinking I 'will' do it differently, I 'will' win when I am on there, that is the other part of reality that does not kick in, the chance of getting on are next to nothing.
To me it suddenly made no sense to sit there and watch the show, I don't think it belongs to the great design of life, it does not fulfill my purpose on earth. I picked up the remote and clicked off the TV, I went to the phone and connected to a friend and after I went on line and learned something about a news event that I wanted to understand better. I will try to use my time better, as for what is in the case... nothing Howie, there is absolutely nothing in there for me.
When did people let themselves get so "dumb downed" by these type of shows. It does not matter 'what is in the case', whether it is one dollar or a million, it does not affect my life in any way, I will not learn anything, nor benefit from it and within an hour I will probably never think of that particular show again, let alone any certain case. At least some shows you can learn about history, art, music and more from the questions, so not a total waste of time. A friend of mine once noted that in our parents younger days (at least in the country) the people had to entertain themselves, so they often learned to play an instrument or sing, some even would paint, carve or had another hobby. TV seems to have replaced that now. I had to agree with my friend because he said this to me while we were driving home one night from a long trip and as we passed through towns, villages and farming communities, he pointed out that all the houses looked quiet except for the blue glow of a TV set coming from every house. I wonder how many people watched that show instead of spending time with their kids, taking the dog for a walk or doing something for their health like exercise. How many people sat there thinking I 'will' do it differently, I 'will' win when I am on there, that is the other part of reality that does not kick in, the chance of getting on are next to nothing.
To me it suddenly made no sense to sit there and watch the show, I don't think it belongs to the great design of life, it does not fulfill my purpose on earth. I picked up the remote and clicked off the TV, I went to the phone and connected to a friend and after I went on line and learned something about a news event that I wanted to understand better. I will try to use my time better, as for what is in the case... nothing Howie, there is absolutely nothing in there for me.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Really Great Sex
We would all like to be able to have really great sex. I am not one of those people that thinks sex is everything in a relationship, as most of you can guess by now I am usually a fairly reserved person and I think I see the bigger picture in life. I understand the greatest moments are more along the lines of your partner bringing you that perfect cup of coffee/tea/beer/wine to relax and watch a beautiful sunset together. However good sex is a bonus to that relationship, great sex is just a really fun connection 'thing' to do between you and your honey bunny! Yesterday I was not having a good day, a lot of personal stuff that was not working out for me. Dave was out with friends of his, so I was surprised to get a call from him in the evening. He was only ten minutes away from me and wanted to come over, I was happy to hear his voice and told him to "get here now!"
It was a nice surprise, I was so glad to see him at that moment and it made all the days events fade away. Visiting so late led him to staying over and I really wanted that. Since he does not have the net at his home, I was showing him some hot, nasty, gay sex stuff on Xtube, oh yeeeeah! You should know I'm not always a good little guy, I have my dirty-boy side as well! The effect of the steamy, nasty, gay videos made for two really hot and bothered guys who were about to go to bed, well can't sleep so what to do, what to do. Forgive me but I am about to get a little rude here. We had really great sex, yes it is no longer work for us, we have found our rhythm and everything works nicely. Surprising enough, even though Dave is a big straight acting man and in construction type work, I am more of a top in this relationship, at first I was a little awkward with this position (ok pun intended) in the relationship but now I am really into it, hear me roar! Yup really great sex, bodies sweating, moaning, groaning, mattress creaking, bed posts banging on the wall sex. In fact it was so good we talked about it after for hours, it was so good we decided to try it again! Yup even better sex the next round and I think that I saw stars the second time! It should have worn me down but after it seemed to kick me into high gear and I could have went a third time, only that Dave has to work on a project today, plus he said something about walking funny.
Really great sex is what I think you people should try for this weekend, everyone deserves to have it. Now I can not believe I waited so long, I mean does everyone know about this? Take some time this weekend to connect with your partner and slam bodies, laugh, have fun, enjoy yourselves-together, I guess even if you are alone you could have a great moment but I suggest to find a partner in the future. It is hard to close this post, there is no point to it really, other than to brag and say that I had really.... okay you already know! ;)
It was a nice surprise, I was so glad to see him at that moment and it made all the days events fade away. Visiting so late led him to staying over and I really wanted that. Since he does not have the net at his home, I was showing him some hot, nasty, gay sex stuff on Xtube, oh yeeeeah! You should know I'm not always a good little guy, I have my dirty-boy side as well! The effect of the steamy, nasty, gay videos made for two really hot and bothered guys who were about to go to bed, well can't sleep so what to do, what to do. Forgive me but I am about to get a little rude here. We had really great sex, yes it is no longer work for us, we have found our rhythm and everything works nicely. Surprising enough, even though Dave is a big straight acting man and in construction type work, I am more of a top in this relationship, at first I was a little awkward with this position (ok pun intended) in the relationship but now I am really into it, hear me roar! Yup really great sex, bodies sweating, moaning, groaning, mattress creaking, bed posts banging on the wall sex. In fact it was so good we talked about it after for hours, it was so good we decided to try it again! Yup even better sex the next round and I think that I saw stars the second time! It should have worn me down but after it seemed to kick me into high gear and I could have went a third time, only that Dave has to work on a project today, plus he said something about walking funny.
Really great sex is what I think you people should try for this weekend, everyone deserves to have it. Now I can not believe I waited so long, I mean does everyone know about this? Take some time this weekend to connect with your partner and slam bodies, laugh, have fun, enjoy yourselves-together, I guess even if you are alone you could have a great moment but I suggest to find a partner in the future. It is hard to close this post, there is no point to it really, other than to brag and say that I had really.... okay you already know! ;)
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