Monday, April 20, 2020
When Society Paused. (Plague)
On Sunday (Easter Sunday) I was looking back through my blog to see what I was doing around each Easter weekend, trying to get a sense of life back during normal times. One thing I noticed was how I used the blog, almost as if this was a diary. I got a sense of the moment from back then and I could plug into those old feelings and emotions. I notice that I have stopped doing that, I'm no longer recording moments in my life and just rambling on most times. A perfect example is not mentioning Mr X until I was sure he was sticking around. I understand why I did it but if this is a snapshot of my life, that's a moment in time that is lost. There are funny moments and touching moments that I no longer remember, I can't fondly look back, the virus took over and many moments have been lost.
I also realized that I'm trying to soften what is happening around us, this is wrong, one day I may be looking back on this post and wondering, was it really all that bad? Why pretend that it wasn't, I should be looking back and thinking, "oh yes, that was one frigging scary time"! It's dishonest with myself if I say anything other than the truth, so I'm going to write about it not as a way to whine and moan about it, just as how I'm seeing it and feeling it personally right now. This post is mostly a letter to my future self but you can read it too.
First future Steven, speaking of scary times, at this very moment, you are actually wondering if you will be alive next year. Maybe ironically you won't be able to look back because this disease is so contagious, so dangerous, so deadly that you caught it and died in the next few months. This is one of the stresses, it's literally living under the threat of early death. Like an invisible creature hiding, waiting to pounce on you and inject its venom. Once bitten all anyone can do is watch you with a worried look and hope the poison doesn't kill you. At this point in time there is absolutely nothing anyone can do, no cure, no medication, no treatment. We are back in the era of plagues.
Society has shut down, you can buy groceries, the mail still comes, restaurants serve takeout but that's pretty much it. The world will pretty much be like this off and on for the next two years, unbelievable to comprehend at times. Some say we may never have a vaccine, life will change forever, depending on how this goes the luckiest people may be the ones who had it already and only had mild symptoms, like white privilege or wealth privilege, they will have COVID19-privilege a type of freedom envied by others.
Speaking of changes in society, you (Steven) are being punished for procrastinating and not selling the farm last year. Quebec has finally reached their dream of having a police state, something they have been longing for all your life. What other Canadians are not aware of is the roads and highways are blocked off with multiple police blockades. They record your movements and monitor cellphone use. They overreach and say how it's for your own good. Yes it makes sense to stop people from large cities coming out to the country but it doesn't make sense to have the small villages in lockdown where there is no virus. You (Steven) because of your plates will never leave the yard for fear of being separated from your family home. I sarcastically say that I feel the next move is to start asking people which ones are Jewish and which ones are not.
Some day if I'm reading this in the future, I will probably wonder, why I didn't do "this" or "that" (in a general term). The thing you're slowly forgetting is how the seriousness of illness quietly crept up on everyone until suddenly it was roaring in our countries. It wasn't like we saw a monster approaching. We were constantly told by the WHO it's not a pandemic, our politicians were afraid of looking like they were over reacting and feared being called racist for closing travel to hard hit countries, doctors were saying it's just a flu like disease, that it is only dangerous to the elderly and not that contagious. This was not right wingers saying this, although they would keep repeating it later on but fortunately Canada realized their mistake and pivoted incredibly fast. When the time for shut downs were approaching, we were thinking a week, two weeks maybe three. Everything started to change about every 8 hours and the next thing we knew... modern society had basically ended. It feels like living in an apocalyptic movie.
Hopefully you made it through Steven... if you are looking back reading this and wondering, "was it really that bad, am I exaggerating that time in my memory?" Yes it's really bad, like nothing we ever experienced before. I wonder what horrible things are coming that we haven't thought of yet? Only you already know that.
Posted by Sooo-this-is-me at 1:41 PM
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Stevie, weevie, my love, it's okay to jot this stuff down as a remembrance. I was too lazy to keep a diary when I was young. Doesn't matter, I can't read my own handwriting anyway. Try not to dwell in the darkness, sweetie. It can envelope you so much that depression sets in and that is even darker. Do what you can to keep yourself safe. Find the good in things. Keep your sense of humor, okay humour. It helps to relieve stress, doesn't mean that you don't see the importance of the situation. I've mentioned before that my baby sister has a call list that's getting longer and longer. Our family has a tendency to forget to inform everybody when someone is hospitalized or maybe even dead for various reasons. It how we be. I've told her to stop stressing over things she has no control over, and concentrate on things she can control. I've just taken to answering her calls by repeating "Brains, brains". She laughs and moves on to the next person.
I like that you can go back and see how your life once was. But I'm more excited to see what is in the future of Steve the Stud and MrX. oxo
Steven, they say it’s always darkest before the dawn. Hopefully that’s true and we are on the brink of daybreak. Will life return to what we once knew as normal? I’m not sure, definitely not in the short term. But I do know this: the human spirit is strong. And you are strong and good and kind. We will triumph over this.
It's not as bad as it seems. It is different though, and we are not at all used to 'different.' This is a 'sea change.' A very big change. Those who can tread water, who can paddle around for a very short period of their lives, will survive. Social distancing is not that difficult, though it is very 'different;' it has made us pioneers again. Those loud ones who shriek about rebellion as they try and cling to the old ways? They will go down with the ship. Be patient. This will pass.
This too shall pass.
We may not go back to life exactly as it was because HOPEFULLY we'll have learned something from this.
Dave's advice is the best advice I heard.
But I figure it for some odd reason this would get me and claim me....I'll just come back and haunt y'all.
These , our blogs will stand behind us xx
I see what you say that our blogs were kind of a facsimile for journaling.
We were pretty much carefree, writing about dating and our gardens and the weather. But it is also good to have these posts as a reminder of what we thought during these months of confinement.
Blogging actually helps me to keep track of the days. It is part of my routine, it brings sanity in the madness and fuckery of these times
Let's just look at this as a new start. We were too comfortable, maybe.
I think you are under much tighter restrictions than most of us. It will get better.
Deedles, brains brains, there you go again bragging about the things you have that some of us don't! Lol!!!
If I can make you laugh, Steven, my work here is done!
Jimmy, I think a record to look back on is interesting. I'm enjoying how so many small moments were captured unintentionally while blogging.
HuntleyBiGuy, it's also darkest before the tornado hits! My point was to write about how I feel at this moment, if I were to write that I'm feeling fine, that would be a total lie.
Dave, it's not that bad for "you", from reading your blog nothing has changed for you other than you are wearing a mask, I'm afraid of leaving my yard because of what could happen to me, it's as stressful as the disease.
Bob, dear gawd I hope the next time doctors say shut the doors on China... because it's mostly China... that people will jump instead of worrying about hurting feelings.
Maddie, what... Dave doesn't even like dance music! I think he should lose his gay card!
Yes lay low and hopefully we come out unharmed. I'm just recording what's happening in the moment.
John, yes sadly there are many blogs online that no longer have an author.
Sixpence, I think we were too comfortable but this is a bit much. One thing I noticed is how much energy we waste compared to when I was a child. People think nothing of driving an hour or two hours for something unimportant, that just wasn't done when I was a child, if you had to drive that far it was maybe three times in a year.
Yes Richard I am under tight restrictions. Hopefully it will lift soon.
Deedles, you can take the afternoon off then! :D
Steven, can you check your email. I hope I sent you something, but I'm not sure. I used the email address on your blogger profile thingy. Thanks.
Yes Deedles thank you, very cute. I sent one back so hopefully you get my thank you note.
Oh good. Thank you for your thank you note. Don't worry, I won't bug you email wise. Every now and then I exercise my stalker muscles. I'm just not good at it, so there's that :)
Deedles, just please stop sending me nudes and we're good! Nothing personal it just that I'm gay remember???
Hahaha, hahaha and I'm also a brat remember???
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