Thursday, June 20, 2019
Honey or Vinegar.
Like the old saying, you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Regarding my last post about a co-worker's bigotry towards gay and trans people, I tend to feel similar to old Lurker's view. The conversation between myself and Doug was private, there is no need for HR to be involved, that would be me censoring his thoughts and no matter how much I disagree with him, that is also very wrong. If however he knew I am gay and came at me like that to intimidate me, or harassed the transgender woman, then that's a completely different story, I would have no problem getting him fired.
I don't see the point in becoming adversaries, he is not an evil person, just ignorant of the LGBTQ community. Like the movie Star Wars, I would like to try to slowly bring him over from the "dark side". He is for the most part actually a good man in every other way except this. I certainly wouldn't want to see him fired over this and what would that accomplish, it would only make him feel that he was right about us.
Anyway all the previous comments were great, you people have my back, when I opened my page and saw all the thoughtful comments I appreciated it. I know some of you want me to clobber him but I haven't been truthful with him either and I would like to keep a friend out of this, not make an enemy, there is too much of that going around these days. He is also religious so that could be a stumbling block, if I can't get through to him, then at least I tried. I just certainly wouldn't start to break the ice with the fact that I think he's quite hot in shorts and a t-shirt.
Posted by Sooo-this-is-me at 9:48 PM
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Have you talked with him about this yet? Do you intend to? (I am not trying to force your hand either way.)
Lurker, no I didn't see him today and I need a plan to lead him in the direction I want. I'm crafty like that and we don't say aboot, it's a.b.out, a.bout out out out about the way it was intended. Don't get your kilt all in a knot.
See, this is where I have a very unforgiving and dark side. It's people like him who still hold everything back. It will always be us and them. I hear one comment like that, with me or anybody in the community and watch out. Last time some guy made a crack about a trans friend of mine and I told him I'd crack him in the face so hard he'd have to stick his toothbrush up his ass the brush his teeth. Most of these macho asses back down when confronted. I just hope he doesn't come unhinged should he find himself in the locker area with her. I still think a word about her should never been spoken like that in the job place.
My grandfather used to say
Rudeness is a weak man's weapon
My brother in law was homophobic
I won him around slowly and without confrontation
I have to admit I’m more like Maddie: I can’t keep up with bullshit and ignorant comments. You say he’s also religious, so John’s gently nudging will not work. Bigots gotta bigot.
Good luck, though. You’re so nice that people has no choice than being nice back.
I don't know you or your situation well enough to give advice. But I can say you're a lot more tolerant and forgiving than I or most people would be in an analogous situation.
If I were in a position like yours, I would go to the HR department and tell them what had happened, but ask them not to take any action -- just to get the incident on record. It might be important to do so later, if a more serious blow-up happens and there's a dispute about whose fault it was. It partly depends on what kind of policies your company has about such things. But whether or not this guy is ultimately "reformable", it seems unlikely that this is the last such problem he's going to generate.
That's great advice.
It's always good to think about what you are going to do and set up scenarios of what might happen. You are going in the right direction. Slow and sure. I wouldn't get HR into this because they would surly fire him or something else. You don't want an enemy in the office.
I stand by my comments of yesterday.
Can you go to HR and ask for advice? Tell them what was said without saying who said it. Maybe they've heard other complaints. Regardless, they should know they have a problem.
Unless it is really good balsamic vinegar. That's better.
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