Sometimes I am my own worst enemy, actually not sometimes, most times. I moan and whine about not meeting other gay people and then not only do I "not" go and meet people, I turn away a chance to meet people. I need gay therapy!
Take for example when I went to see the gay film Love Simon, I was sitting there thinking I will be able to check out the "herd". It was very possible that there would be another one or two guys there just like me, watching it alone because most of their friends are straight or lesbians. I was a little early and so I got to watch people as they came in. Typical of Steven, the crowd began to file in and it was mostly middle aged women. There were some teenage girls, a few uncomfortable husbands that were dragged there by their wives, some daughters who brought their mothers, the usual life moments that make me feel like there is a giant conspiracy against me. Finally a gay couple came in, a little younger than me, they sat behind me, a little to my right. No joking I could smell bad breath coming from one of them, so I knew I wouldn't be trying to chat with them after. The lights went down and a few more people came in.
After the movie was over I waited a little and left. Now here comes my smooth move on how not to make friends. As I was leaving there was a single guy walking out as well. Tall with average looks and about my age. I felt he was trying to keep an even pace with me, I saw him look over at me a few times as if going to say something. If I had stopped, if I spoke to him I know a conversation would have begun. I didn't because I pre-judged him, I never gave him a chance. I found him too well dressed, not like he was going out to the Royal Ball after but too gay style-ish. I felt he probably put too much effort into appearances. The way he dressed made me think a little of a cross between a futuristic space suit and a gay vampire. I know that sounds harsh but that was the vibe I received. I kept ignoring him and wouldn't slow down to give him any opportunity to speak to me.
When I got home I realized what a dumb move that was. Maybe he was just a nice guy with a different sense of fashion. He may have been creepy but I will never know because I wouldn't give him a chance. Even if we became friends and nothing came of our relationship, maybe he knows someone who would be a better fit for me. It wouldn't have hurt to speak with him, if he came on to me in an inappropriate way, I could have just said no thanks and zoomed out of there. Maybe he could have become a really good friend, who suddenly realized that he feels empty when I am not around and one day nervously asks me out. I will never know because as usual I didn't ruin my chance, I sabotaged it.