Thursday, June 29, 2017
I have an idea as to why I am having so many upsetting thoughts this last year, I just need to figure out how to stop them. I am having one right now, it's been coming all day. I tried to go to bed but I feel as if I'm drowning. I will write it out here, maybe when I see it written down, the effect will go away. It's a memory of what happened eight years ago (eight already, unbelievable). My car had to go in for minor repairs, and my sister came to stay with dad while I was away. I still had the apartment so I was going to stay overnight in the city and come back the next day. I figured it would be a long time before I would get another chance as dad was really sick by this point. I was ready to go and I walked in to tell dad that I was leaving; however he was sleeping and I decided not to wake him. He seemed to be more content when I was around so I figured not to upset him, he sometimes slept all day and may not realize I was gone until it was the next morning when I returned. I also didn't want to say goodbye, it became hard to say that word. I stood there for a few seconds watching him sleep, he seemed peaceful, those few seconds are haunting me now, that would be the last time I would ever see my dad alive again, he died the next day before I came home, that memory is the last time I saw dad.