Sunday, June 18, 2017
The Final Thank You Unsaid.
Today was father's day, I can imagine there were many ugly ties, shirts and socks given as gifts along with cards, maybe even breakfast in bed for some. We never really think about what it means until the time comes when one day you say "dad" and there is no longer anyone to answer. Sitting in my drawer is the last card I bought for my father, we knew he was going to die at the time I bought it but he had been strong those days leading up to that weekend. I was extremely annoyed trying to get him a decent father's day card, everything I read was either jokes about drinking beer, farting or golf which would not be suitable, or the complete opposite with mushy poetry and the I love you so much type of sentiment, also something that wouldn't really relate to my dad. I finally found one that was more meaningful, it was basically a thank you for steering me in the right direction type of card. I was happy with what I bought and felt good about giving it to him. However the day before father's day, my dad had a really hard day and into the night, that morning he was really weak, drifting in and out. My sister and I wanted to give him our cards and little gifts later that morning but the reality that we were about to lose him was heavy on us. Every time we tried to enter the room, we could not keep from crying, the words on our cards took on a new meaning, they were not just words of thank you, they were a final thank you. After many attempts, we decided to let dad rest. Two weeks later he died and the card not given sits there waiting. Sometimes I think that I will burn it on the ten year mark of his death, at other times I think I should read it to him by his graveside, sort of finally giving him the card, but that would be just torturing myself, plus I never feel he is there in any way. I will just say this, thanks Dad for everything and I miss you almost every day still.
Posted by Sooo-this-is-me at 11:57 PM
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What a beautiful, but sad story. At least you were close to your father. I was as close as one could be, but my father and I had a turbulent relationship while I was in school, grades were never good enough, and the whole me, free spirit and open minded, and he, the close minded and prejudice.....yeah....you can imagine. But at the end I think he gave me his understanding and apology as best he could. I knew he was going that night. I was way, way more close to my mother. I'll be a mess when she's gone.
Thank for sharing your touching story.
Days like these always trigger memories - sometimes it's hard to differentiate between the sad and the happy. Try to focus on the happy. As for the card? Why not write something loving inside, address the envelope simply to "Dad" and stick it in the mail box.
What a touching story. Your are lucky to have had a loving father. Thanks for sharing. Father's Day is indeed bittersweet.
I too was knocked out by the lovely pathos of your prose. What a story; thank you for sharing such a tender memory with us all.
Maddie, actually were not close when I was younger. I realized it was mostly because of my perception of our relationship and worked to change it. He also mellowed as he got older and I am happy with the way our relationship was when he died. At least I have that. I was a mommy's boy when little, shocking for a gay son, lol.
JP, yes so true, holidays and anniversaries are both happy and sad when we think about past events. I had thought about mailing the card; however I find something upsetting with the idea of the card being lost forever.
Michael54, I wouldn't describe dad as loving but he definitely was one of those dads that saw his role as a life commitment. I felt a great sense of security from him.
Dr. Michael Spo, why thank you very much for the kind words. It makes a person feel good when others sense the importance of what they are writing.
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