Sunday, June 18, 2017
The Final Thank You Unsaid.
Today was father's day, I can imagine there were many ugly ties, shirts and socks given as gifts along with cards, maybe even breakfast in bed for some. We never really think about what it means until the time comes when one day you say "dad" and there is no longer anyone to answer. Sitting in my drawer is the last card I bought for my father, we knew he was going to die at the time I bought it but he had been strong those days leading up to that weekend. I was extremely annoyed trying to get him a decent father's day card, everything I read was either jokes about drinking beer, farting or golf which would not be suitable, or the complete opposite with mushy poetry and the I love you so much type of sentiment, also something that wouldn't really relate to my dad. I finally found one that was more meaningful, it was basically a thank you for steering me in the right direction type of card. I was happy with what I bought and felt good about giving it to him. However the day before father's day, my dad had a really hard day and into the night, that morning he was really weak, drifting in and out. My sister and I wanted to give him our cards and little gifts later that morning but the reality that we were about to lose him was heavy on us. Every time we tried to enter the room, we could not keep from crying, the words on our cards took on a new meaning, they were not just words of thank you, they were a final thank you. After many attempts, we decided to let dad rest. Two weeks later he died and the card not given sits there waiting. Sometimes I think that I will burn it on the ten year mark of his death, at other times I think I should read it to him by his graveside, sort of finally giving him the card, but that would be just torturing myself, plus I never feel he is there in any way. I will just say this, thanks Dad for everything and I miss you almost every day still.