Saturday, August 22, 2015

Happy Outiversary To Me!

Yes you read that right lol. I was listening to the radio this morning and the hosts were commenting on it being the final week for a fireworks competition that we have in the city around this time every year. Although the dates are off a bit, it was at the final show of this event where I came out to my friend Erik, a whopping eight years ago! I can't believe how time has flown by. ___________________________________________________. I was reading over the original post about how it happened and grinning ear to ear. It went over better than expected and I remember how funny it was that my friend had always been a smartass to me about saying that I was gay, but when I finally told him, he kept asking me over and over if I was playing a trick on him. I remember we went back to his place and talked for hours. He was such a good friend to me that night, I have to get back in touch with him again, we have grown apart just from life getting in the way, or actually me being lazy about keeping in touch. ______________________________________________. I remember when he asked me if I was gay that night, I paused for a split second but in my head time stood still, my mind was racing, should I stay in denial mode or should I finally tell someone. Nobody other than a guy I secretly dated and a few blog friends knew I was gay, he would be the first friend in the real world that would know. He would be the first straight person ever handed my secret, I would no longer have total control over it. However I was tired, the hiding, the lying, the caution over every word I said was too much and I wanted to let go. I wanted to start living my real life, not a fake life. I remember feeling this is it, here I go, stepping into my new life. I just read on my post the part where I closed my eyes, truthfully because it was so overwhelming I felt a little dizzy, I closed my eyes when he asked me if I was gay, paused and said yes. It felt great, no matter what happened after, it felt great. ____________________________________________. The rest as they say is history, oddly enough it turns out that my gay life is pretty much exactly like my fake straight life only I get to date men and talk about penises from time to time, instead of racks and vjay jays, (racks are what straight men call breasts these days), other than that my self discovery has shown me that I am pretty dull either way lol, I'm okay with that. It's interesting to me that when I read the comments from way back then, the people often said that the day will come when I no longer think about being gay, that is pretty much how it is now. It's still a process, I am not Mr all around gay guy, I don't want to put out that false portrayal, I still have my days, I still moan about it sometimes but it's no where near the bad old days.______________________________________________. Tomorrow is the pride parade, I may go, I may not, it is gay season after all. Yes I said gay season, the time of year when in cities throughout North America, GLBT people come out to bloom and flower in all sorts of beautiful colours and costumes, swaying and dancing spreading fun, happiness and glitter. This heralds the arrival of fall, so get out there and be fabulous!


Ur-spo said...

What a post! Thank you for sharing it !

larrymuffin said...

Nice post! Am sure you are doing fine and you looking back can see the progression.