Where's the beef?

Where's the beef? Okay I have always wanted to say that, sorry this is not a post about muscular guys. It's about that extremely important subject to most men, yes that's right, hamburgers. I love a good hamburger, the ones you get from a country fair or at a friend's bbq. That is why I usually don't eat one from any fast food restaurants, I have always been baffled by how restaurant chains concentrate on their food being production assembly efficient, while being bland, flavorless slop. At an early age I stopped going to Mc D's, I remember taking apart a big mac and looking for the lettuce tomato and onions, it seemed to me that they vomited some type of sauce on my patty and that doesn't count as a burger! ____________________________________________ Something interesting has been happening over the last few years, with large numbers of immigrants and also large numbers of health conscious consumers, the factory food production is being rejected. People want taste, they want to know that is going into their food and they want to know where it came from plus how it was produced. The companies attitude of "you will take what we give you" no longer works as many people will go somewhere else or demand better. This is the way it should be, don't tell me what I want, just give me what I want. This week I feel we have won as a consumer, Mc D has released a new product here. It's a beef patty, on a bun, with fresh lettuce, tomatoes and onions. Who would ever think that one day Mc D's would sell a real hamburger, lol, lol.

The More I Know of How Little I Know.

I always hope that people don't take this blog as me thinking I know what is best. The older I get, the more I learn of how little I know. I don't have any life answers, I only have more questions. Sometimes I read some of my old posts and although I enjoy them, I often cringe over what I had wrote back then. I know some of the older gay people would have caught my ignorance but were kind enough to just let me learn on my own and at my own pace. I also hope that I don't make someone feel judged, I know, I feel, I understand that what works for me is unique to my situation and doesn't fit into another person's life. I also want people to know that my new gay self is no where near perfect, it is leaps and bounds over where it was ten years ago but it is still closeted in some situations. Take work for example, I'm still considered straight there, here in the country to some degree as well. To be honest I'm okay with that, I keep it that way, I know many will think that is wrong but my life my rules. The difference now however is I don't worry about being outed at work, if it happens, well then it happens. Probably the most important thing I am trying to say here is that I am not giving anyone any advice, I don't have the life experience to draw from, so what do I know, except that I know, that I know very little, at least that's something.

Happy Outiversary To Me!

Yes you read that right lol. I was listening to the radio this morning and the hosts were commenting on it being the final week for a fireworks competition that we have in the city around this time every year. Although the dates are off a bit, it was at the final show of this event where I came out to my friend Erik, a whopping eight years ago! I can't believe how time has flown by. ___________________________________________________. I was reading over the original post about how it happened and grinning ear to ear. It went over better than expected and I remember how funny it was that my friend had always been a smartass to me about saying that I was gay, but when I finally told him, he kept asking me over and over if I was playing a trick on him. I remember we went back to his place and talked for hours. He was such a good friend to me that night, I have to get back in touch with him again, we have grown apart just from life getting in the way, or actually me being lazy about keeping in touch. ______________________________________________. I remember when he asked me if I was gay that night, I paused for a split second but in my head time stood still, my mind was racing, should I stay in denial mode or should I finally tell someone. Nobody other than a guy I secretly dated and a few blog friends knew I was gay, he would be the first friend in the real world that would know. He would be the first straight person ever handed my secret, I would no longer have total control over it. However I was tired, the hiding, the lying, the caution over every word I said was too much and I wanted to let go. I wanted to start living my real life, not a fake life. I remember feeling this is it, here I go, stepping into my new life. I just read on my post the part where I closed my eyes, truthfully because it was so overwhelming I felt a little dizzy, I closed my eyes when he asked me if I was gay, paused and said yes. It felt great, no matter what happened after, it felt great. ____________________________________________. The rest as they say is history, oddly enough it turns out that my gay life is pretty much exactly like my fake straight life only I get to date men and talk about penises from time to time, instead of racks and vjay jays, (racks are what straight men call breasts these days), other than that my self discovery has shown me that I am pretty dull either way lol, I'm okay with that. It's interesting to me that when I read the comments from way back then, the people often said that the day will come when I no longer think about being gay, that is pretty much how it is now. It's still a process, I am not Mr all around gay guy, I don't want to put out that false portrayal, I still have my days, I still moan about it sometimes but it's no where near the bad old days.______________________________________________. Tomorrow is the pride parade, I may go, I may not, it is gay season after all. Yes I said gay season, the time of year when in cities throughout North America, GLBT people come out to bloom and flower in all sorts of beautiful colours and costumes, swaying and dancing spreading fun, happiness and glitter. This heralds the arrival of fall, so get out there and be fabulous!

The Truth About My Blogging.

The truth about blogging is that it's not really good for me, if I'm blogging, I'm not connecting with people in the real world. Part of the reason I had stopped blogging before was due to moving out into the country but also it was due to being in a relationship and the circle of friends that relationship gave me. I am not saying blogging is the problem, it's the symptom of a poor social life on my part. I don't think this is the same for everyone, I have noticed that many of you blog and have a full life, I guess it's a quark of mine. I disconnect, get lonely, then try to connect on line, typical for me to take an easy way out on making friends. Friends in the real world take effort, and sometimes it's easier to let those relationships slide. ............................................Sooner or later I need to connect with real people. No man is an island, or so they say, I am also introverted so that can be a problem, not so introverted that I can't meet people but introverts often don't need as much connection as the general population do. Suddenly we can find ourselves disconnected, people may mistake us as unfriendly or cold but as is my case. I love people, however I can feel overwhelmed and I need downtime to recharge. ...................................... One big mistake that I need to not make again was that I lost custody of my new gay friends to my ex, they were his friends before he met me so it was less awkward to just cut ties. All my friends now are straight or lesbians, so there is a part of me that feels empty. I am trying to get myself back out there but.... well notice I'm blogging again tonight, lol.

O hot! O man! O dor?

Have you ever been out somewhere and you can't keep your eyes off of a particular guy. It could be a party, at the beach or even while shopping. Maybe they are not the best looking guy in the world but there is just something about him that pushes all the correct buttons, you feel that little shock in your stomach every time he walks near you. Now did that same guy ever do something that completely snapped you out of your lust trance. .............................................. Living in the country I often attend functions that are mostly male, lots and lots of cute farmers and country lads. Also I have to add, lots and lots of men who have spent too many hours sitting on their tractors and eating too much. The pot belly crowd, very much in fashion in the country. Anyway back to the cute ones. I happened to be at an auction and I noticed this really handsome young farmer. Tall blond, blue eyed, spoke french which is what probably gave him a good natural tan. True French Canadians have a little native blood in their ancestry, which often gives them a healthy tan in summer even if they have blond or red hair. Making for one fine looking young farmer with a sexy French accent. I was taken by this guy, couldn't help notice how his shirt would cling to his chest, his very well defined chest, made my day. ............................................. The auction finally came to an end and I went to pay for my purchases. My heart jumped when I stepped in line and who was in front of me but Mr. hottie guy! Oh so dreamy, so handsome, so, so, ummm so? Wait, what the heck is that awful smell? It's not the animals, I didn't step in anything, it's gross. I suddenly realized with horror, it's hottie guy! If you can imagine the sound of breaks screeching to a halt, is what I heard in my head regarding my attraction to him. ............................................ Yes he had been sweating a bit but that wasn't it. This was like a bad feet smell, but it wasn't his feet, it was his whole body, he was clean so it wasn't that he forgot to shower, and no, it wasn't a regular foot smell like you foot fetish people probably would enjoy (lol), it was a rotting sneakers soaked in cabbage with a hint of eau de deceased squirrel kind of smell. Fantasy destroyed, I stepped out of line letting others who were in a hurry go before me. Hopefully he gets a wife, or husband who corrects this little problem, since he was well dressed and clean cut I imagine appearances etc mean something to him, so he would probably actually be embarrassed if he knew about it. I am sure he is a really nice (although smelly) guy.

Life's Plan, Not Your Plan.

If there is anything that I have learned as I get older, it's that life will take you in directions that you did not prepare for. I think back to when my sister and I were in our mid twenties, how we used to put forward scenarios of what could happen to our parents, where we would be living, what kind of jobs we would be doing. Then we would have these perfect responses, solve all dilemmas and move on with our perfectly organised world. Boy, young people have no idea of the way life can be like a runaway train. ..................................... We used to believe that if Dad died first, mom being independent, would move to the city and travel to see her sisters living in other parts of the country. We felt she would probably volunteer for a hospital, she would want to remain active. We never really worried about her, she would age fine. Dad on the other hand, we worried about, without mom he would probably spend the rest of his days eating bacon, pies and cookies. He would be lost without her, a traditional farmer, he handled everything outside but not a lot inside the house. For years we teased him about the time he cooked a frozen pizza.... upside down. T.v. dinners were no better, he figured if it took 45 minutes at 300 degrees then 450 should give you a dinner in 25 or so minutes. Resulting in burned on the outside, frozen on the inside, yum. ................................... I thought I would be a total city man, I hated the farm growing up, the isolation, the hardships and feeling like the only gay guy in the world. I loved the animals but I couldn't wait to get to the bright lights of the big city. My sister on the other hand was a total country girl, she loved horses, dogs, nature and always said she wanted to be a vet with her own small ranch. ............................................ Fast forward to the beginning of our real life. Mom the strongest one of the family began to show signs of memory loss, confusion and change in personality. Dad and sis at first denied it but soon there was no mistaking what was happening. My Dad said he would quit farming, sell everything, so he could spend his full time taking care of mom for as long as he could. We began to talk about this step, when life stepped in again and killed Dad with cancer, one day he was this strong farmer doing his normal routine and suddenly ten weeks later, I was standing at his graveside saying goodbye. ...................................... Well here we are now, all these years later. There will be no trips for mom, no little volunteer job to fill her time, we can only hope she will be happy where we place her. Dad is gone but we didn't think this soon, it didn't fit our plan, we were supposed to lose him in his eighties not early seventies. My sister works in a government type job, is counting the years until retirement and bought a house in the city, she renovated it so that she can remain there until well into her old age. She said there will be no ranch, no horse, this is her life now, she enjoys all that the city has to offer. I returned to the farm when Dad became ill and have remained here since. Oddly enough, I have started to enjoy the country more the older I get. The slower pace, the peace, quite and frankly the lower population appeals to the cranking old man in me. The thing that strikes me the most ironic, is after mom is placed, I will be alone here on the farm, the person who wanted to leave the most, will be the last to leave. ........................................ Life's plan looks nothing like the plan of those young people or the plan that my parents had for themselves. The scary thing is that this runaway train has not gone off the rails, its still barreling down the tracks and I fear what it has in store for us around the bend. Clearly life is in control of where we end up, some of us get lucky and the plans match, however be prepared for you never know what life is about to throw at you.