Hello my name is Steven and I'm slightly gay, a tiny bit gay, not big on chicks, into guys actually, okay I'm totally gay. Sometimes I wonder if I am being true to myself, I don't want people that I meet for the first time to know I am gay. I still feel that is giving up a personal part of myself and also a loss of power over any first impression. I feel I'm wrong in that way of thinking, it is like a part of me is still ashamed of being gay but I feel that it would be better for them to get to know me first, that way there is no preconceived notion as to who I am. Straight people don't have to worry about that but am I wrong or is it just part of a gay man learning to fit into today's world. If someone knows me, who I am and what I am about, suddenly rejected me because I'm gay, then I would think there is not much I can do about that, however I want the chance to present who Steven is before they would judge. I also think it would help people learn that gay people are for the most part, just like them.
I am pretty lucky so far with my coming out, I have not had any really bad experiences as of yet. Canadians have more of an open mind or a 'live and let live' motto, they might not like something but will mostly only complain behind closed doors. I did feel it however, I suddenly felt the stares while at a function, that is how I knew one of my friends spilled the beans. Some of the people there that I knew were a bit distant, I noticed them staring me up and down while talking as if meeting me for the first time. It clicked in my head as to how they would know and the mystery was solved. Still I did not like the feeling of being perceived as a stranger. I also never want to over hear someone say "oh that is because he is gay". I once worked for a woman who was lesbian and any time people were upset with her, they would always say things like that.
I know that it would be odd of me to say "hi I'm Steve and I would like to be your gay friend" my problem has more to do with a feeling of "awe you told them already" and that is the part I wonder if I should work on. Do I not want them to know because I am still ashamed that I'm gay, or is it just that I want them to get to know 'Steven' first and not have my being gay the elephant standing in the room. I still want people to think "that is my friend Steve, who also happens to be gay" and not "there is a gay guy named Steve" as being gay in some ways is a small part of who I am. I think Dave handles it well, he just does not say either way at first and feels out a situation. Then over time he will just calmly drop hints here and there, eventually people will figure it out.