Monday, February 23, 2009

Slightly gay

Hello my name is Steven and I'm slightly gay, a tiny bit gay, not big on chicks, into guys actually, okay I'm totally gay. Sometimes I wonder if I am being true to myself, I don't want people that I meet for the first time to know I am gay. I still feel that is giving up a personal part of myself and also a loss of power over any first impression. I feel I'm wrong in that way of thinking, it is like a part of me is still ashamed of being gay but I feel that it would be better for them to get to know me first, that way there is no preconceived notion as to who I am. Straight people don't have to worry about that but am I wrong or is it just part of a gay man learning to fit into today's world. If someone knows me, who I am and what I am about, suddenly rejected me because I'm gay, then I would think there is not much I can do about that, however I want the chance to present who Steven is before they would judge. I also think it would help people learn that gay people are for the most part, just like them.

I am pretty lucky so far with my coming out, I have not had any really bad experiences as of yet. Canadians have more of an open mind or a 'live and let live' motto, they might not like something but will mostly only complain behind closed doors. I did feel it however, I suddenly felt the stares while at a function, that is how I knew one of my friends spilled the beans. Some of the people there that I knew were a bit distant, I noticed them staring me up and down while talking as if meeting me for the first time. It clicked in my head as to how they would know and the mystery was solved. Still I did not like the feeling of being perceived as a stranger. I also never want to over hear someone say "oh that is because he is gay". I once worked for a woman who was lesbian and any time people were upset with her, they would always say things like that.

I know that it would be odd of me to say "hi I'm Steve and I would like to be your gay friend" my problem has more to do with a feeling of "awe you told them already" and that is the part I wonder if I should work on. Do I not want them to know because I am still ashamed that I'm gay, or is it just that I want them to get to know 'Steven' first and not have my being gay the elephant standing in the room. I still want people to think "that is my friend Steve, who also happens to be gay" and not "there is a gay guy named Steve" as being gay in some ways is a small part of who I am. I think Dave handles it well, he just does not say either way at first and feels out a situation. Then over time he will just calmly drop hints here and there, eventually people will figure it out.

11 comments:

Wayne said...

Dave's got it right. There's a lot that makes a person who he is. You wouldn't walk up to someone and say "Hi, I'm Steven and I'm a Catholic". Even if being a Catholic was an important part of you. The same if you were a vegitarian. All those things make you Steven, but you don't list them each time you meet new people. Those are things they learn as they get to know you. And you may find more people not liking your religon more that your sexuality!

KYRA said...

Just be who you are,and do what you want, dont bother about what other people will say, it's your life not theres.
just do whatever makes you happy coz being happy is the most important thing in living life.

Jay said...

Looks like, you know you are a minority but you're not yet sure how visible you want it to be. :) Just don't get upset on the "oh that is because he is gay" part. Nothing wrong with being who you are, isn't it?

Anonymous said...

I think for me it is a safety issue. I've had several very bad reactions, and other people's power used against me (almost lost my job for example). So that's part of my being careful.

Peter said...

The most important part is that you are YOU!

What you like to do and with whom is non of their business. The ones with a 'working' Gay-dar will know...

john said...

You are an amazing person, just as you are. Being gay is just a part of your being, whether or not you announce it loudly or let people figure it.
I know, I should take my own advice, but I'm also not quite there.
Just know that you are a great person.

Steven said...

Not to worry, Steven. You are on the right track. And you are taking that track at the right speed, too! I've never bumped into someone who introduced himself as "John Doe, a heterosexual." Many times, typical dialogue right after getting to know someone is, "So who are you dating? Are you married? Divorced?" So it may be typical that it seems like we are addressing our sexuality almost all the time.

Anonymous said...

You have completely and thoroughly summarized the way I feel about this. I want to be myself, not stuck with a particular label, when I am introduced to a group or involved with an organization.
Your post says it all perfectly.
Brother Bear

Birdie said...

As someone who would respond positively, I think truthful but casual responses in normal conversation is a good way to let someone know. That manner of coming out sets the tone for how you want it dealt with. It's not a "look how gay I am" posture but a calm and confident demeanor that begets respect.

KYRA said...

Steven what can you say now?
Base on our comments can we have a short response from the writer itself pls.

:D

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Kyra: First off let me say thankyou for your comments and welcome to my blog. You asked for a response based on the kind comments left here. I have to say I try to go through life being an honest person and true to myself as best as I can. This often leaves me with feeling guilty by not letting people know I am gay, I wonder at what point do people need to know, if they ever 'need' to know. I feel dishonest sometimes but I also am someone grounded in the real world and I know that revealing who I am, would not always be an asset and even possibly could be harmful. I also feel like I am letting other gay people down by not being out there. Based on these comments, most live their life the same way, just different degrees of being out and how fast or slow they let people know, that gives me comfort, plus takes away the guilt of keeping quiet. Even you and Birdie who are not gay help support me with your kind words by letting me know I would not have to 'tell all' if we met in real life for the first time, but I could slowly let you know as I got to know you.