Friday, March 28, 2008

Is Sex Work?

Is it just me or is sex a lot of work? I mean it looks so easy in the movies, not so in real life I am finding. I guess with anything practice makes perfect so I think we all need lots and lots of practice but I wonder if others feel the same way. I know one of my straight friends says he usually only goes once in a night and only twice a week at most, I teased him and said he was getting old. He said to me that sex is not as easy with another person as by yourself, a little dig at me for being single at the time. What about you guys/ladies? Do you find that some days you just want to cuddle because you are too tired to put in the effort? Sometimes we end up laughing so much that the concentration is gone and then it is over, we just can't get back into the mood. Sometimes I get grossed out by the gels, condoms etc and the added tension puts me out of the mood. Does anyone else find at times that sex is a little silly, a little awkward, even a little gross? Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy it and most of us know by now it is way better with someone than without. Plus when you are in love with that person, it makes you feel so connected to them. I mean besides being a little awkward, it also feels so awesome and gives you that intimate, final bond where you want to share yourself with that person, in a way that only lovers can. Still however it certainly is different than what fantasies are like, who ever thinks of the sweating, sticky, elbow in the ribs, knee in the chin kind of things that happen.

I always tease Dave, even though he is a total sweetheart to me, I tell him I am going to write a post called 'Dave My Abusive Lover" he begs me not to! The thing with Dave is he is actually a large guy compared to me, almost 6'4 and 220 lbs so there are bound to be a few accidents. He asked me (while laughing) not to tell anyone, but I am!

...........My nasty boyfriend - and the dangers of sex!

A) While kissing and really getting hot and heavy one day, he reached back to hand me something and cracked me right on the nose with his elbow, ouch! I started to bleed like crazy and had to run to the bathroom so as not to get blood all over the sheets! He came after me and felt so so bad, he kept saying he was sorry. I was laughing but also in pain, I made him laugh by pretending I was afraid to let him near me.

B) Again one day while trying to be suddenly romantic, he grabbed me and pulled me into him, however in his attempt to bring me closer to him, he kneed me right in the 'boys', a bad one! It was bad enough that I rolled out of bed in total pain onto the floor. I was rolling around on the floor asking him not to touch me, look at me or breath on me because it hurt too much, then comes that sick in the pit of your stomach feeling that only another guy can understand what I am talking about.

C) One Saturday we had a really romantic day together, he made a perfect dinner, we slow danced a little and then spent a couple of hours soaking, relaxing and kissing in his hot-tub by candlelight. We later took a quick shower together to rinse off, as I was getting out of the shower he closed the metal door and the bottom corner cut a huge chunk out of the back of my heel. Again there was blood everywhere, I was trying not to bleed on his floor or towels, again he felt so bad! I asked him jokingly if he really hated me down deep inside and was not telling me. It took a long time to stop the bleeding and for a while we though that I might have to go and get stitches, how embarrassing would that have been.

Maybe since I have been out of practice for so long I forgot how the mechanics of things work. I could get one of those books and to spice things up, we could read it upside down once in a while. Mostly to be honest, I go over to Dave's for a hug. I know that sounds sappy but it is true. It gives me a lot of pleasure when he wraps his arms around me, kisses me and tells me he loves me. The best part is I know he really means it and is not just saying it. There is no one else except him that I want to have icky, sweaty, sticky, awkward, raunchy, passionate, hot, loving sex with.


Java said...

This is such a sweet post, despite how painful some of the experiences are!
Is sex work? If it is too hot in the room, if I am sweating before I even get close to my partner, then yes, it is hard to work up enough desire to overcome the discomfort of the heat.
As far as being clumsy, it started out that way. We've been at it for over 25 years now, and things aren't as dangerous as they used to be. I say that, yet earlier this week I banged my calf on his knee and my leg has been sore. I've had my fair share of pokes in the eye with the elbow, too.

Sometimes we are too tired. Long difficult days, lots of distractions from the household, worries about all the stuff one worries about, all that stuff can get in the way of passion. But a lot of times if we start to make the effort, it becomes easier and less of an effort. We are more tired afterward, but it is a different, better kind of tired. We have never regretted making the effort, no matter how tired. But we don't always make the effort.

Hugs are critical. Cuddling is an excellent destination. Sometimes cuddling leads to more, sometimes (usually, for us) it follows the "more." A lot of times it is sufficient unto itself.

Can sex be silly, awkward, maybe a little gross? In theory, to me, yes. But not in practice, simply because we have extensive experience with each other by now. We're used to it, have overcome the "gross" aspects, or avoid those things which either of us thinks is gross. There are lots of ways to enjoy intimate sex, so if something feels gross or uncomfortable to me or him, we find other things to do. It works for us.

I say just keep up the good work. Don't fret about these distractions because they will work themselves out with time and love and communication. Work on the communication. Be comfortable enough with each other to honestly, openly discuss the mechanics, what you do and don't like, etc. Hear him, listen to him without judgement when he expresses his likes, discomforts, etc. This is what makes a sexual relationship work.

daveincleveland said...

ohhh baby, just how i like guya are so sweet together....when do we get to see a pic of you two.....

StePHen said...

this is very sweet... i have come to find out there are a variety of levels when it comes to people's sex drives... i want it every morning and every night but most don't... sex is never work for me... not having sex seems like MUCH more work... hence why i have been working so much lately :)

have a great weekend :)

Jess said...

It can be work, but I never mind that kind of work. Doing it well just works up a sweat sometimes. As for accidents and injuries, sure they happen. No one has been hospitalized here so far. We've had injuries sufficient to end a session (and then some), but no permanent damage! :)

As for how often you want it, etc., that does vary. In our case, I am ready to go constantly. Marc doesn't need it quite as often. The trick is finding a happy middle ground. And yes, hugs, kisses and cuddling can be wonderful.

Vic Mansfield said...

Yes! It is work, and what wonderful work it is, too! Passion can be best when there is humor and fun. In your case, a goalie's mask may help, and pads . . . . (just kidding)

Practice, patience, persistance, honesty, love.

What more could you want.

David said...

I wouldn't know. :-P

Steve said...

Yes, with another person it can be quite some work sometimes. And to be honest: I'm not always up for that.

john said...

I think all those situations sound funny. And one day I hope to have all that icky, sweaty, sticky, awkward, raunchy, passionate, and hot loving sex.

Birdie said...

Forgive me for laughing out loud at your sex life! You are having some issues there, aren't you?

Sexual shorthand only comes with time. After over 30 years together, my husband and I can anticipate movements with a gentle touch and avoid the elbow in the nose, etc. It sure wasn't that way at first; and anything new we add to our well-practiced experience creates awkwardness once again.

So the answer to your difficulties is more sex. Lots more sex. Tell Dave I said so. But don't ignore those moments of cuddling, because the intimacy of touch is a wonderful way to communicate.

And what Java said.


Bill said...

Anything worth having is worth working for.

p.s. Does hemophilia run in your family?

Darth Gateau said...

I'd rather have sex than go to work...
I find sex hilarious most of the time and TOH is constantly amazed by how much it actually makes me laugh - I think it must release some kind of hormone within me that makes me smile and laugh a lot - mainly afterwards tho(fortunately).
Once you've been with someone for a while you get to learn when to duck and when to jump over those stray limbs that could cause damage without really losing concentration - it's like a circus act - well timed, well practiced but still as sticky as candyfloss (I think you call it cotton candy).

Cooper said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cooper said...

Sometimes things which seem like they would be romantic and fun when it comes to sex, just end up being awkward, and ummm, dangerous. lol Last summer my ex-boyfriend and I thought it would be fun to have sex in his canoe. We ended up capsizing it and being pitched into the lake (small private lake). He got clunked on the head in the process causing a cut which bled for quite a while. I was laughing so hard I could hardly help stem the bleeding.