Thursday, March 20, 2008

Just Out Is Not Born Yesterday!

Dear Mr married man, eeewwww! I know what you are up to! When I wrote in my ad (months ago) that I am just coming out and new to this scene, it did not mean that I was born yesterday or just fell off the truck! I received an email the other day from someone that had contacted me before I met Dave, I'll call this guy 'Jeffrey'. It was through the same ad that Dave found me. I was clear in that I was new to the scene, that I wanted to get to know the person first, that more could develop later if we hit it off. I had received an email from Jeffery back in January a few days after I placed the ad, he also said that he was new to the gay scene, was a little younger than me, felt a lot in common with me and wanted to meet. I was happy with that reply because by that time I had received a lot of strange emails, actually some were a little scary. He never answered back again after that and I was a little disappointed. I even emailed to ask if I had said something that made him change his mind, still no reply. After that I moved on and began to meet people, thus leading me to find Dave (my honey bunny) and I did not think much of it. The week end where Dave and I finally talked about how we really felt about each other and started to officially date, I received an email from Jeffery again. It was strange, it had been two weeks since he first emailed me, he said that he was very busy with his work and that was why he could not get the time to contact me, that he was still really busy and that another email was coming my way, plus he is married. I was with Dave so I just ignored the email. Even if he was not married I would not answer him, how much time would it have taken for him to send a few emails in two weeks!

The married thing is not a shock to me anymore, I have been contacted by many married men looking to start a 'buddy' relationship. I guess they figure that someone just coming out, wanting to remain low key, would be more in line with their thinking. I used to get upset with that but now I just roll with it. I do not mind the guys who are honest up front about it, at least that gives me the chance to say no that is not what I am looking for. I don't like the ones that meet you and then tell you, it is not right to start that chemistry and then hope that they can hook me first and then tell me. I do feel a bit sorry for them if they are gay and got married out of fear (that could have been me) or bi and confused. I feel they need to work out where they will fit into life and hope no one gets hurt in the process. I can't judge because as a gay man I understand the constant pressure that people feel and are subjected to everyday to get married by their family and friends. I just happened to be lucky in that my parents never involved themselves in my personal life as far as who I dated or did not date, I had many uncles and aunts that did not marry until late in life or not at all, so it is normal in my family to be single.

After all this time, with Dave and I together as a couple, I received another email from Jeffery. This must have been the one he promised over a month ago. I think he really revealed himself this time. He said that he kept thinking about the email I sent, he said he found me to be genuine and funny, that he was sorry for leaving me hanging. He then said that even though he has never done this before, he does not have a lot of time for small talk, he thought we should "jump right in" meet and start having sex I guess, wow very brave for a guy that has never been with another guy before. He did not want to pressure me but wanted to know what I was doing this weekend, when we could meet and send him my picture. He went on to say he hoped his email did not creep me out but that he would make me feel amazing, really how would a first time guy know what would happen. Finally to show me that he was just a normal down to earth guy, he sent me a picture, with no shirt on, in what looks like a steam room or pool. First let me say yes he is not bad looking, just that he looks very gay-ish and not at all like a straight married guy looking to experiment, but most of all he also looks... well scary. I emailed the pic to a buddy, and without any coaching he became frightened of the picture and deleted it, mostly because of the eyes, he also thought that he reminded him of a very 'nasty' man who I shall not name but I was thinking of the same 'bad person' thus I called him 'Jeffery' in this post, yes that 'heads in the freezer Jeffery'!

Well, really here is what I am thinking, if he is married I think it might be to another guy, or to a woman that is not the sharpest tool in the shed. I don't believe this would be his first man on man experience, I think he has been with more men than any skank you could name in Hollywood. I think his other free call boys were busy this weekend (or he buried them all in his basement) so he had to go back through his list of emails to find a 'f*** buddy' for the weekend, probably because the wife is suddenly going away. I don't think he is so busy that he can't email, I think he has others on the go and only became friendly when they probably told him to take a hike (or were buried) and he needed to make new contacts. My friend and I know for sure he can't be younger than us, he has more wrinkles on his forehead than a Sharpie dog! This email offended me so much, it was so sleazy and it's intent to clearly take advantage of a lonely person just coming out makes me sick. When I compare the guy I found who loves me so much, that I feel like I am in a Disney fairy tale at times ('fairy' tale hahaha, that is funny), to this sneaky, sleazy, slime ball, they are just two worlds apart. I am not going to respond to his email, it is not worth the effort, but I would almost like to write back and say, I know what you are trying to do, I know that you want and just because I am newly out, does not mean I was born yesterday!


Anonymous said...

I hope you spend this Easter [and maybe many to follow] with Dave.

Maybe J could not contact you before because he was in jail or an institution for the insane.

Stick to what you got and don't answer J's mails.

Steve said...

It almost sounds like the script for a new gay romantic comedy/ horror slasher. Hey, that would be a great film categorie ;)

Anonymous said...

Sounds like that ad said a lot of good things about you and thank goodness Dave was the first to "woo" you off your feet. I agree that you should let these e-mails from "Jeffrey" gather dust and get sent to the recycle bin. Have a great holiday weekend! Steven

Bill said...

You are right. Do not respond. Delete it and go take a bath.

note to steve: that's a great idea! I'll collaborate on the screenplay!

the cajun said...

Never discount your intuition. If your gut tells you something isn't passing the truth test - LISTEN.

Never second guess your instinct. It's part of our DNA and we usually choose to override it, to our detriment.
You've made the decision to walk away and not respond. Good choice.

Welcome to your new life and happy Easter.

Java said...

Yuck. Good choice, not to contact this creep. Delete. Clear files. Empty recycle bin. And yes, go take a bath.


danny/ink2metal said...

count your lucky stars steven!

i suggest you block his e-mail right away and then run to dave and tell him to hold you close because a creepy scary man tried to lure you away from him.

i'm sure he'll be more than willing to protect his precious treasure. ;-}

Jess said...

And don't forget the one other fun thing he'd try... He would tell you he doesn't need to wear a condom, because he's a straight married guy, so it's safe. (If you did mention that, my apologies for missing it, but I would expect that move, too.)

Yeah, he sounds like a real winner. Good thing you never had any real contact with him.