Chefboyarsteve!

This evening I am very pleased with myself, I was invited to supper and I made a perfect apple crumble. I used apples from my own tree, I don't know what kind it is, the tree is old and grew on its own, the apples need to be left on the tree late into fall before being picked to get the best flavour. The fruit is not that good to just pick and eat off the tree but is really good for baking with. I have been playing around with a simple recipe, adding sliced almonds on top and a couple of teaspoons of my secret ingredient. I also let it cook for about seven minutes longer than asked. On my way over I bought vanilla frozen yogurt to go with my creation. It was a hit, compliments all around. The funny part however and also the best compliment, was every time I looked over, one of my hosts was sneaking another mouthful of apple crumble, in fact as I was getting ready to leave, it was almost all gone. That gave me a satisfying feeling, my efforts were appreciated. I want to see if I can replicate my creation and then maybe, just maybe I will share the recipe, maybe.

Looking inward, I.

Wednesday my closest neighbors asked me over for supper. Living in a small town, I have known the husband my entire life, he is a little older than I am, I even looked up to him when I was a child. He pulled out old photos and an old high school year book from his time in high school. Looking through old pictures, at the hair cuts, clothes, plus the youth of the people, caused me to think about my younger days. I was thinking about what was running through my mind in my late teens to early twenties and that one of the most homophobic people I know of from back then, was me.

Straight, to the point.

I keep reading articles about "straight" guys who like to have sex with other men. Didn't we used to call that bisexual?

Dead Quiet for Halloween.

No children again this year for Halloween, out here in the country, Halloween is dead and not the spooky dead like ghosts, the boring end of an era kind of dead. It's what happens when the breeders don't breed, no children. It used to be that people would drive to the neighbors but not anymore, everyone heads for the nearest village and drops the kids off. Even people in the villages notice the difference. My aunt living closest to me, used to get around two hundred kids, a lot for a small village, now however she only gets twenty to thirty. Last year I had two kids but I cheated, I text the mom to stop in on her way past my house, not counting those two it has probably been twenty to twenty-five years since the last child. Oh well, I guess that I will just have to eat these delicious mini chocolate bars. I was a bit of a procrastinator getting them, just this afternoon is when I bought them. All the stores had moved the candy and Halloween displays near the doors... because as usual they were frantically filling the shelves with Christmas items. ................................................. I remember my last Halloween, I was ten or eleven, it was a rite of passage for us to stop around that age in my area, a sign of maturity, unlike the city kids, a person would be called a baby if they were in high school and still trick or treating. My sister had started high school so she was no longer interested in going and my father said he wasn't going to just take me. A friend living close by, invited me to join her and her brother. That evening I had a lot of fun, we rode in the back of a pickup and her mother would drop us off and just let us go to work, walking up and down the streets and then taking us to another part of the Village, this was new to me. My father would only let us go to seven or eight houses, he always seemed embarrassed by us trick or treating, to him it was almost a form of begging. I remember it being really warm that last night and the moon was shining. We finished our candy quest and decided to ride home in the back of the truck, (something kids would not be allowed to do now). I remember leaving the Village and looking up at the sky, hoping to see a bat or an owl, something Halloween-ish, maybe even a witch's silhouette against the moon light. I remember also taking in the moment that this was my last Halloween to trick or treat, I also remember thinking that growing up sucks!

Scariest Movie "Never"!

I watched a scary movie last night, it was frightening....... by how utterly ridiculous the ending was. I started watching Paranormal Activity 3, it seemed a perfect Halloween fit for me. A late Saturday night and I am sitting all alone in a big old house that creaks, cracks and has doors that shut by themselves. I figured what better way to feel young again than to scare myself and watch a movie about a big house that creaks, cracks and has slamming doors. It started out good, leaving the haunting to your own mind which is the best way to get scared. Then things got really stupid towards the end, I don't know if that's jumping the shark, but who ever wrote that pathetic ending should have been thrown to the sharks. At the end of the movie instead of feeling scared, I felt ticked off for having wasted my time! ...........................................Speaking of Halloween, I happen to be listening to the radio in my car, they were discussing costumes. The politically correct police are at it again, trying to suck out every drop of fun in something. They were saying to be sure not to offend anyone with what you dress up as. For instance, schools are banning costumes regarding native people, you are not allowed to dress up as a so called Indian person, or any other type of indigenous peoples. It's considered cultural appropriation, I could see how it would be offensive and wouldn't let my imaginary children dress that way. Some schools are also banning any type of costume that could offend the LGBTQ community, like a leather man or drag queen type costume. I just don't see little kids dressing as a drag queen or leather man but maybe I am behind the times. Many schools and work places are banning cowboy costumes because of the way cowboys were shown in movies as killing native people. There are also places banning police costumes because it makes certain people uncomfortable, same as no soldier costumes because no one wants to glorify war. Listening to this it struck me, no cowboy, no Indian, no leather man, no police man and no soldier, oh for Pete's sake, they just banned the Village People!

Blue skies empty out.

We have been having some really nice fall weather lately. Even when a bit crisp out the sky is blue, the sun is bright and it lifts the spirit. Doing some last minute yard work, I also noticed how quiet things have become. Very rare to hear a bird now and certainly not a cricket or tree toad. Even the sky has emptied out, two weeks ago it was a highway for flocks of geese, ducks and a large flock of cranes. The leaves are mostly off here as well, only a few stubborn yellow or brown ones left. Sometimes a flock of stragglers will fly over, it's always a funny feeling for me in the fall. As I listen and watch the geese fly over, I have this feeling that I should be going with them, that I am being left behind. "Wait for me" I whisper to them. I'm not sure if I want to get away from something or I want to go towards something. Almost every fall now I have this restless feeling, like winter is coming, nature is going to sleep, time to move on. Maybe because I am entering the fall stage of my life and I am dreading the winter stage. ............................................The air is so still this evening, I like that, you could hear a pin drop but instead you hear the last remaining leaves falling, like someone dropping cards onto the forest floor. The geese didn't take me with them, they move on, soon they are out of sight. There is a mass migration of Canadians, most head for Florida to winter, some day I will join the herd and end up on a national geographic documentary, a guy will follow me with a camera as I eat, sleep and hopefully mate along the way. As for now I will stay behind.

Then "He" shows up.

I was at a friend's house, having a cup of tea and a slice of cake... because I never say no to cake. She was telling me about a wedding reception for an older cousin she had just attended. This man had lost his first wife about five years ago to cancer, he has three grown children. The man's youngest son is gay and may I add a very handsome young guy. My friend was saying the son was there with his partner and that the daughter was there with her partner also. I was so surprised, I didn't know the daughter is gay as well. My friend joked that there must be something in the water, then she went on to say it's nice that people don't think twice about gay couples. I never told this friend that I am gay, I have been trying to read her and her husband and thinking of a way to slip it in. I began to see my opportunity, I mentioned someone close to me that we both know who is also gay with a partner. She said that she already knew and how good it is that people no longer have to hide their relationships, that this generation is more accepting. I was relieved, she had a good attitude towards gay people and now I could finally tell her. No big deal, when she finished her sentence I would just casually say "and me as well" or something to that effect. All just very logical and straight forward (no pun intended), until "he" showed up. Yes emotional gay Steven saw his chance to appear, inside my head that is. Clapping his fingers together and building a flood of overwhelming "feelings" he went on and on about how he could reveal his true self to this friend plus release the chains of straight oppression, drama drama drama. This resulted in me nearly crying as I went to tell her that I am gay. I had to abort mission, I was really annoyed at myself, such a perfect opportunity ruined and for absolutely no reason, what the fluff! Now I will have to try another day when sensible Steven is in more control. Looks like coming out is still a big deal to me even after all this time. I think as well it may be because I have not really told anyone new for years. I just function between groups of people who know or don't know and if they sometimes cross over with each other, they can work it out. Ugh, I hate drama.