The Arrival, or Crash landing.

When I started this blog, I was terrified of being outed as gay. My whole being was about keeping it hidden. It actually never occurred to me to use the blog as a way to help me come out. I think my first intentions were to secretly meet other gay people who wanted to stay hidden as well. I thought this was the right thing to do. We could form a group and hide together. I realize now that I was truly... here comes the word... homophobic. Yes I know that word is used all the time now, but it describes my fear at that moment perfectly. It was in being able to talk with others that gave me a type of support I didn't even know I was looking for until it found me. Now here I am, not really finding myself but more like stumbling into life. My love life sucks or actually isn't, zip, zero you get the pic. I am in a good spot now however. Meaning I never really think of being gay or not gay, I am just me and all that worry and obsessing about being gay is gone now. I never thought I would get here, not sure when it happened but I guess this is my arrival, buuut less dignified than a romantic movie scene in an airport, more like tripping over pots and pans down the stairs when I'm trying to be quiet.

Dusting off the blog.

Whew whew fff aheh! Cough cough! Getting the
dust out of this blog. Yikes! Is that a spider? My big moment back on here will be to say, oh how I f&$#ing hate this over bearing spell check! Ah!
It keeps changing what I want to say. That's it moment over.

A hehmmm? Is anyone still out there?

Just to let anyone who may be passing by know, I'm doing okay, my Mom not so good however but that can be expected. The reason I'm not posting is because there is no $*&$# net access where I am staying at the moment. There are wolves, bears and wild turkeys but no net!!!!! Aaaaah! However I'm not upset. ;)

Three gays walk into a restaurant...

Three gay guys walk into a restaurant and sit down together at a table. The first gay man says I'll have the breakfast special, the second asks for the breakfast special also, the third asks for something a little different, then they talk openly about topics regarding relationships between gay friends, gay events, etc. One of the men comments before leaving, about how much better it feels to be comfortable enough to talk openly like this now, and not even realize that they were doing it, I nod my head and agree with him.

Non gay bears!

Greg that super sexy blogger over at Midnight Garden, made me smile the other day with his comment about better raccoons than non gay bears. You mean big man eating bears like this one Greg? You will notice I am taking the picture safely far away from in the house.

There have been two bears taking turns eating the apples from the trees. We have had bears come during the night in past years, usually they slip in, eat some apples and slip away before dawn. We don't mind sharing a few apples with bears if they are really hungry. The thing that I do not like about these two bears, is they have no fear of humans, even banging pots and pans together has no effect. They walk through the barn yards and this angers me because if we had animals there I know they would attack them. They are kind of a stupid animal because they have totally damaged the trees now, one smaller tree is lucky to live through winter let alone have any apples next year.

It is dangerous to wound a bear so we have asked the local hunters to take care of the problem. I am not a tree hugger but my family usually has a live and let live attitude towards wild animals, as long as they do not harm our animals or crops, we let nature take care of itself. The thing about these bears is that some days they will walk into our yard when my poor Mom is trying to hang clothes to dry or when she is in her garden. They even came out when we had guests over with small children running around. The noise would normally keep most bears away for miles, these guys unfortunately will I think become rugs.

As for the raccoons, what I do is this. I take empty tin cans, some old string or wire, some plastic containers, put them all together and place them in the recycling bin to be recycled, then I go get my old gun and blow their furry little asses off!

Okay that sounds a bit harsh, anyway since Greg inspired this post, the next picture is for you Greg, one of my morning glories since you always have nice ones. A more peaceful thought to end with.

Feeling beat

Information over load, I can't post there is just too much to say. I'm not back, I can't come back for a while. Something I never mentioned before is the fact that my mother, who was a very strong independent woman most of my life, has been robbed of her independence by a type of genetic senility. Like her mother before her, it has taken away her short term memory and left her confused with almost any decisions she may have to make. We used to think at one time that if Dad were to die first, mom would move to town and continue on without many problems. That thinking changed about five years ago when we noticed she began to have trouble remembering important information. Often she would become frustrated with us (mostly poor Dad) because she believed we were not telling her information, she could not accept that we had told her and she forgot.

Mom relied on Dad heavily these last few years and as a couple they survived just fine. Mostly she just needs someone to keep her on track and I often felt a cold chill when I thought to myself "what if Dad were to pass away." Like a bad dream coming true, we now have that situation, so for me right at this moment there is no coming back, no picking myself up and trying to get on with life. There is only another situation that I have to deal with, my life will have to be put on hold until mom is settled somewhere that I know she is happy and safe, she just can not be left alone. Dave understands but is not happy about the situation, last Christmas we had imagined that we may be living together by now, life certainly can change a person's plans.

This is the reason that I do not post often, I'm hoping to change that soon, I'm trying to get Internet access out in the wilderness where she lives. If I do then you can laugh at me as I write posts about the angry gay guy chasing raccoons out of his garden, (they stole all my honeydew melons those little fury bastards...22...)

Montreal Part Deux

Me and the honey bunny went to the Pride Parade in Montreal, I went to see all the gay people and you know what, there were hundreds of the little buggers there! I have read on some of the other blogs where the writers felt the parades are becoming the "same old, same old" and I could see that being the case. For now however I feel I should support them as they meant a lot to me when I was coming out, I used to go even before I was out, I just felt the need to be around other gay people in those days, I needed to know I was not alone. The parades used to offend me a little at that time to be honest, I hated to see guys in dresses for fear of being stereotyped, now I understand gay culture better and the guys in dresses are my favorite, the more outrages the better as most of it is just fun. I did feel this year in Montreal the parade was a little hijacked by other political agendas, I think gay people still have enough problems without bringing in conflicts from other countries etc, which have nothing to do with gays as a community. It was long and took most of the afternoon, over all I enjoyed it and we went to shake our booties after.


No no it had nothing to do with all the hot guys that were there with their shirts off! I'm not that shallow, no really I'm not, okay well maybe just a little, ahhhhhh men, man meat, beef cake, sooo beautiful. Okay I'm back to earth now.


A little sample of what we saw. People always say that the women in Montreal know how to dress and keep themselves looking good, well I'm thinking a lot of the guys in Montreal know how to make themselves look good also and not just gay men, there were a lot of straight guys there with their girlfriends and they were smoking hot! Dave and I agreed that one of the hottest guys there was a straight guy with his girlfriend, we could not stop watching him dance at the party after, I think he was one of the better dancers there as well, no I did not take his picture and yes we are sure he is straight, lucky girl! ;)

I always feel sad when we have to leave a gay event, having to step back into a world that is not always so open or accepting, oh well, screw them!


Oui oui Madame, you certainly have style. What the heck, uncle John is that you? Just kidding.