Monday, September 28, 2009

Feeling beat

Information over load, I can't post there is just too much to say. I'm not back, I can't come back for a while. Something I never mentioned before is the fact that my mother, who was a very strong independent woman most of my life, has been robbed of her independence by a type of genetic senility. Like her mother before her, it has taken away her short term memory and left her confused with almost any decisions she may have to make. We used to think at one time that if Dad were to die first, mom would move to town and continue on without many problems. That thinking changed about five years ago when we noticed she began to have trouble remembering important information. Often she would become frustrated with us (mostly poor Dad) because she believed we were not telling her information, she could not accept that we had told her and she forgot.

Mom relied on Dad heavily these last few years and as a couple they survived just fine. Mostly she just needs someone to keep her on track and I often felt a cold chill when I thought to myself "what if Dad were to pass away." Like a bad dream coming true, we now have that situation, so for me right at this moment there is no coming back, no picking myself up and trying to get on with life. There is only another situation that I have to deal with, my life will have to be put on hold until mom is settled somewhere that I know she is happy and safe, she just can not be left alone. Dave understands but is not happy about the situation, last Christmas we had imagined that we may be living together by now, life certainly can change a person's plans.

This is the reason that I do not post often, I'm hoping to change that soon, I'm trying to get Internet access out in the wilderness where she lives. If I do then you can laugh at me as I write posts about the angry gay guy chasing raccoons out of his garden, (they stole all my honeydew melons those little fury bastards...22...)

11 comments:

Robert said...

Seeing your mother like this must be so difficult for you. I wish you and your family the very best Steven. I will keep you in my thoughts.

xo, r

Anonymous said...

Life has so many twists and turns. I hope you find a way to live life while you care for your mother, instead of just being on "pause". I also hope that you develop your support system, for you and for her.

Java said...

ALL of your honeydew melons? Those little bastards! I used to think raccoons were kinda cute. After trying to raise chickens with raccoons in the neighborhood, I no longer think that.

Good luck with your mom, hon. That's really rough. Try to take care of yourself, too, eh?

Wayne said...

Thinking of you...

Birdie said...

My mother is headed down the same road: good physical health, mental health not so good. My stepdad provides the help she needs for now, but his health is not good. Your situation may be mine in the future.

Such stress for you, sweetheart, but it is inevitable with change. We will wait to hear from you. Meanwhile, we are keeping your in our hearts.

daveincleveland said...

hugs from cleveland.....you dear steven have gone through so much with your dad and now your mom....sweetie take each day at a time and make sure that you make a little time each day for your self...you need this to keep you mentally and physically strong and be able to take care of mom...hang in there and you are in my thoughts
dave from cleveland

Will said...

You have a lot on your plate, Steven, but you've got s big heart and your mother is lucky that it's you who'll be helping her.

Anonymous said...

Take good care of yourself......

:_)

Greg said...

Better raccoons than bears. Actual bears, that is.

Hang in there, buddy. Take care of yourself as you care for your Mom and know that we're all here rooting for you and sending you good thoughts.

Can't you do something with tin cans and some wire?

john said...

Your family is always in my prayers.

Firnzy 86 said...

It'll work out, you'll see...:)