Thursday, December 13, 2018

Mother Nature's Harsh Genital Rules!


 I am a tv nerd, I love nature programs, science shows, documentaries, programs about space etc, etc. This may seem like a serious post but I apologize, it's going to get stupid fast. I love learning about all things nature and especially about theories as to why certain things evolved the way they did. One thing I have learned is that mother nature is unforgiving when it comes to evolution. People make the mistake in thinking, if the tree branches get higher, the animals get taller. As if something in their DNA switches on and suddenly all the deer in the next generation are born to grow taller. It doesn't work that way, what happens is nature's harshness takes over,  all the shorter animals become weak, die or get eaten. Only the tallest ones survive and go on to breed. Over generations you get a taller animal.

 This made me think about how nature affects people. People were shaped by the type of environment they lived in but I don't want to go into that because I don't want to start sounding like a white supremacy blog, anyway it's gingers that rule. I would like everyone to put on your silly hats now because going further, I really hope nobody takes what I am about to say seriously. For people who become easily offended, there is a new drug out for you called Growacet.

  Regarding human evolution, I was thinking along the lines of penis sizes. After years of personally studying the penis, (thanks to many reference articles, also known as adult entertainment), I don't care what people say regarding race, we all know what group of people have "on average" been blessed with the biggest penises. I am not going to argue against facts and frankly, I wouldn't be offended if someone accused me of being hung... which sadly... never happens.

This had me thinking about the harsh truth as to why my ancestors lost a couple of inches off their penises when they left the warm climate of Africa. It's scary to think that they probably actually froze it off! Some poor hung caveman back in the day would be walking around with it hanging below his loin cloth and never notice until it was too late. Probably he wouldn't notice until that evening while trying to pee but only getting ice cubes out. Gangrene would set in and it would fall off. This male northern nightmare would end his chance at fatherhood.

 Luckily for me, my ancestors with a much smaller more heat efficient penis, would become the new sought after mate. The other men with frozen dinks would soon be rejected as the women couldn't get pregnant or became freaked out every time one of their pricksicles broke off inside her. As time went on, only the men with "efficient" penises were able to procreate, the others died off... genetically that is.

This theory (that I just made up), explains why my people never trip over their own genitals and it does make some sense. Now however; as a "butt man"... I have another question. Over the years, I have noticed a lot of flat behinds on caucasian men. Why did white men lose their bums in the migration north... and is that why so many of us can't dance?

27 comments:

anne marie in philly said...

WHAT have you been smoking/drinking tonight?

Old Lurker said...

rkerAre you secretly Philippe Rushton?

Somehow I do not think a Growacet prescription would help me much. Will it have bad interactions with my dramaquine prescription?

I have a feeling that other factors might have hindered the reproductive success of people who walked around in snow wearing loincloths. No need to wait until one's ding-dong turns to ice.

For what it is worth, I think you're hung. You're hung like a jury.

Deedles said...

I second Anne Marie! Have you been filling your snout with chicken dust (if you can make up stuff, so can I)? Your brain is freezing, boy!

Ur-spo said...

this is a rather saucy post but I commend your scientific mind.

Sixpence Notthewiser said...

Heh. This is fantastic. I’ve done some ethnographic studies (ahem) and have been able to compare and contrast sizes. All I have to say is that correlation does not mean causation. And you’re a butt man? Who knew?

1st Man said...

During my, um, early years of "research", it never crossed my mind to think about this. I think you, um, raise, some interesting theories. Now about those butts...

Christina said...

Well that's my day well and truly made!😂
I can offer no explanation regarding the Caucasian backsides decreasing in size. Maybe that's why the youths of today like to have their arses hanging over their low slung jeans. Just to reassure potential mates that they do indeed still have a backside.
I shall look forward to your upcoming academic paper.........

mistress maddie said...

I knew we were in trouble when I got to "Some poor hung caveman back in the day would be walking around with it hanging below his loin cloth and never notice until it was too late."

It is interesting and I consider myself lucky because my family all came from Irish, Dutch and Czech background. 2 out of three have saved me. But I wonder how because all those countries are not particularly hot ones in temperature.


I too have done extensive research of very long hours and years....but always forget to document my findings. I really get into my work.

Richard said...

I have no theories about the flat white butt.

Cali-Boi said...

Fortunately most of my family tree came from warm or hot climates.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Nothing... well maybe a sugar high that's all lol.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

OL, you don't need Growacet, you cause people to use it! Frozen ding dongs, that would make a good band name.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Deedles, candy cane dust, it affects my thinking. ;)

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Dr Spo, oooh I like being called "saucy" so rarely does that happen. Well if I'm going to think about penises, might as well put an educational spin on it.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Sixpence, so glad to have met another man of science, I only look with an analytic mind.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

1st Man, and just how extensive was your research? ;P

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Christina, I had hoped that trend of having your pants falling off would go away but sadly it looks like it's here to stay. I see young men wearing a new style of pants that make them look as if they are wearing a diaper underneath or they pooped their pants! Yuck.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

I have noticed that you were blessed, way to go mother nature, giving a big wee wee to the guy wearing a dress! Lol, I wuv you.
I have wondered about that, a lot of eastern European friends are really packing as well.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Richard, does that mean you have one about the front part? Anyway, it's not the size of the pencil, it's if you can do well on the test! :)

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Cali Boi, I have noticed many times... many many times, that you seem to be a huge exception, (yes pun intended). I think your ancestors must have been the smart ones that invented underpants!

mistress maddie said...

HA ! As if Cali boi knows what underpants are...…..

Now what should we talk about next Saucy?



Sooo-this-is-me said...

Maddie, he knows what underpants are, it's what he pulls off the other guy! Some lucky, lucky guy.... who is also going to be walking funny for a few days! :D

1st Man said...

Oh the research stories I could share. I was quite the researcher in my younger days. :-)

mistress maddie said...

Yes, I think the Dutch and Czech are a hung group....I dont know about Irish guys. But they say colin Farrell is like a horse.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Maddie, I have watched the Colin Farrell sex tape many times... give that man some hay! Dutch guys are often very tall so I guess everything goes along with that in size. I don't know about Czech guys but I used to know a lot of guys from places like Serbia, Slovakia etc, when I used to go swimming. Those guys all seemed to be part horse as well. However one of the most hung guys there was a Vietnamese guy, he wasn't very tall but he was hung, so you can never judge for real. This was all observed as research of course.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

First Man, most of my research was done on line so of course it's the absolute truth. Actual hands-on experience is my weakness, I didn't have many research subjects. Lol

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Yes I see people still like to read this post so if you want to make a funny comment, I will still see it go right ahead lol. ;)