Wednesday, December 19, 2018
Yesterday I went onto a certain site to see regarding changes that had been made. It's the site that no longer allows adult content, sadly if you type in "gay truckers in the woods" you will not get pictures that would ban you from ever setting foot near a holy place ever again. This was only tried out of curiosity, I was not familiar with the site before (no matter what lies OLD LURKER tries to imply in the comments section), I am not one to spend a few minutes browsing porn.
While searching around I stumbled upon gay sites that are for couples. This is a growing trend (happily) especially among younger gay men. One of the recurring photos is guys in love kissing in a passionate embrace. Unlike the older generations, they have grown up feeling as part of society and so they want to post about their first relationship, getting engaged, being on their honey moon as a married gay couple, just like all their straight friends do. To be honest I feel a little sadness that I didn't let myself go there, the truth is once I reached my thirties, things had improved a lot, in Canada I could have functioned fairly easily as a gay man in a relationship. However I also feel extremely happy for these young men and there is no amount of porn that gives me greater pleasure than seeing two men in love kissing. Yes many photographers try to mimic the emotion but you can almost feel it coming through the screen when it's real. It's a beauty on its own, like a field of wild flowers, ocean view or sunset. Every time I see photos like that I remember, "that's my goal, remember that's my goal" and I almost get a feeling of having my gay batteries recharged.
There is nothing like being kissed by someone who loves you, the soft warm feeling is beyond compare but for me there was a tingly feeling in my stomach as well. In the beginning of my first serious relationship it was overwhelming.
Speaking of kissing a guy, I passed a benchmark and didn't notice. I have friends who know that I'm gay and friends I haven't talked to about being gay. I say "haven't talked to about it" as opposed to saying that they don't know because I feel that they do know. They never never ask about my dating life and I feel this is to give me space. Some friends that I did tell, said it wasn't necessary to tell them, that we are friends regardless, so I stopped feeling the need to tell people, actually I don't think about it anymore.
I just don't want people feeling sorry for me thinking that I am some little scared rabbit hiding down a gay hole, hidden from the straight people. I don't care, if someone asks I have no problem telling them. Now the benchmark that I completely missed at the time. I met up with a guy at a mall, we had met before. We had a coffee date, I think he's totally cute (plus a lot younger than me, yes I'm bragging, wouldn't you). Later on as we were going our separate ways we hugged, he asked if he could kiss me, I said yes and so we did, ( an A+ kisser was he).
As I was walking to my car, the little voice in the back of my mind said, "wow, when did we get this comfortable, did you just hug and kiss a guy on the lips while standing in a crowded mall"? Smirking to myself and feeling no regrets I answered, "why yes I did"!!!