Thursday, November 30, 2017
Saints and Villains.
There are a few old sayings that I find usually ring true. One of the sayings goes something like, "there are no Saints, only undiscovered villains". It seems that every day someone is exposed for sexual harassment or assault and often it's someone we would never have expected. I used to feel sorry for women in less civilized countries, the men there seemed to be like pigs in heat; however it seems our pigs were hiding it better. Lately I hear a name exposed and wonder if it was just some misunderstanding, some bad joke played under the influence of alcohol at a party but no, once the shocking details come out it's clearly predatory behaviour. Does almost every man with a little power feel it is ok to force their will on people that are vulnerable? .............................................. Sadly I think a lot of men still don't get it. I was listening to a conversation between two radio hosts today, one was asking what kind of men are these perpetrators. He went on to say he didn't think any of his friends would do this. I say didn't we learn anything from when people opened up about being abused as children, often it was someone everyone trusted. How many times did we hear people say they would never believe that person could do something so terrible. ............................................... I'm not shocked by this, over the years things have happened at different places where I've worked. The last incident involved one of my closest friends. She was recently married to a great guy and was enjoying her new life. One day someone we had both worked with for years, someone we respected, someone older than us, someone we both trusted completely, cornered her and began sexually assaulting her. Fortunately she was able to get away but for years she was not the same person. The second assault was all the people who couldn't accept that he did this, even though he fully confessed, many people blamed her. Regarding our coworkers, I had a distrustful view of people before this incident, I can't even begin to tell you what I think now. She used to call me up in tears, not understanding why so many people were supporting him. I hate sheepeople, that is probably the reason I could just put a rock through my tv when I see people saying how much they love, admire and forgive the culprits. Easy to forgive when he wasn't groping you, plus do you forgive someone who is sorry for getting caught and not sorry for what they did. ............................................ When I was first coming out, one of my complaints about gay men was that I found so many to be too sexually aggressive. I would be having a great time with my boyfriend and friends, when suddenly some guy would place his hand on my private property! I thought this was a gay issue, clearly not. Many times I hear these straight guys trying to explain away their behavior, saying they didn't think it was inappropriate at the time. If we ad in the gay equation, how many of them would feel comfortable if they showed up at an executive's house and the guy, as big as a football player, stepped out of the shower naked, locked the front door, while saying how nice their ass look in those pants! Would they think that was inappropriate? .............................................. It doesn't have to be someone with great power either, when my sister was young, she had a job that shared space within a police station, we all felt happy for her, the safest place to be we thought. We were raised to respect police and thought of them as heroes. To this day she always says the most disrespectful, filthy minded, creepy pigs of men she has ever worked with was there. I think finally the light is getting through, I feel so sorry for women, we have really been letting them down. I hope this is a turning point, I hope the men who act this way will become a pariah, it will become embarrassing to associate with them. I have to wonder about the past Saints and Heroes, how many women suffered in silence knowing what true villains they were.